Arguing with husband over finances

Remind him that full time nursesy for a 6 month old is 2k a month does he want to pay for that if he forces you back to work early?

Well £680 isn’t a lot of covering all the things you mention. You can cut down things though. I don’t do nails and my phone bill (Lebara pay as you go) is £9 and I’m pretty happy about it.

So you need to come in an agreement:
he either pays for groceries and you do baby stuff and maybe some top up groceries of £30 per week OR you open a joint bank account (but keep your separate ones too) where he puts in 350 and you 250 and you pay from that one all groceries and baby stuff, apart from your nails and clothes.
Then you can make a budget for nails and clothes for you and phone bill. Maybe up to £150. The the rest (£280) you promise to save a bit for your last 3 months of unpaid mat leave if you decide to have those or for a bit extra for your holidays, whatever, so he doesn’t feel all this pressure. Like a little fund but not into your main savings so he knows that you can help a bit with something if needed.

if you could make him agree to either pay for everything apart from baby stuff OR pay in a joint account the set amount would be really helpful. He then feels a bit in control but he actually you’re going to be better off.
Some guys just don’t like to give allowances. Let him think this is a better deal. I did that with mine. I just told him, I’m stay at home mum with les money I take care of baby stuff and top up groceries that’s it. He paid for everything else. Later we changed our arrangements but this was the baby years.

The DWP dont see it that way. Are you her husband?

That is a lifestyle choice not a job

This!

I’ve been divorced for 25 years, worked full time, paid for my own house, car, everything my child needed, and got my nails done. My husband was not a team player.

She's on Maternity Leave, from her job, her baby is only 6 months old.

Point out if you go back to work he will have half the nursery fees to pay instead, plus child maintenance when you finally leave.

Honestly, him being that tight and expecting me to sacrifice years of career progression and flitter away my savings to raise his children, while he sits on thousands of pounds of disposable income would be an instant and irreversible ick.

The only fair way imo would be all in one pot. Once everything essential is paid, and I'd include a separate "baby fund" amount in that, split what's left (if you must) to save or spend as you each wish.

You're not currently a stay at home mum, you're currently on maternity leave after giving birth to and caring for his tiny baby which you're entitled to do for 9 - 12 months and he, as your husband, signed up to helping to support you and your baby whilst you take the leave you're entitled to. Don't let him make you believe he's "allowing" you to be a stay at home mum at the moment, it's your legal right to take maternity leave which is why people who don't qualify for a work place paid maternity leave get statutory maternity leave allowance from the Government.

As the poster above said, this sounds like the beginnings of financial abuse.

Also make sure you are the one claiming Child Benefit, in your name, don't rely on him claiming in his name and transferring your national insurance entitlement to you. If you do split up you'll have a helava job getting him to transfer the claim to your name as hes already showing control issues surrounding money. You have national insurance contributions paid through the child benefit until your child is 12, make sure it's in your name incase you need to work part time, which you probably will if he's already quibbling over £77 when he has £4k disposable income each month, over 4 x what you have, and so will probably also not be too happy about contributing to nursery fees.
Sorry you're going through this during what should be a joyous bonding time

I would never have a joint bank account with a man, or pay for a car deposit from my running away money savings

I can understand having separate savings accounts, as a protection for you. But as a couple, you should be taking equal amounts from the joint account in savings each month, equal amounts in fun money etc. If you have separate savings, then when there's a car deposit to be paid, you should take equal amounts out of each of your savings.

You are either a team, or you're not. And if you are not, then it's going to put quite a strain on your marriage.

I agree completely with this. It's what we do and there's never any disagreements over money.

Exactly what I suggested further up the thread, along with seeing a divorce solicitor.

I would never have a joint bank account with a man, or pay for a car deposit from my running away money savings.

She has a job. She’s on maternity leave.

“Your husband isn’t earning enough to support his family” - but he is earning loads if he’s on £60k nett* and a lowish mortgage on the family home.

*correction, seems to be £48k nett if 4k a month.

well the OP could always get a job

It is financial abuse. He currently has the OP trapped. He lied.

Why is he unwilling to pay for his own child?

he says it’s fine and he’ll just have to make more money.

So let him do that then. From now on all expenses come out of his income because it's the only income your family has.

Your husband is financially abusing you.

Your husband is telling you he won’t financially support you. You absolutely need to go back to work.

My partner financially supports the entire family. I spend what I need. I don’t have limits on my spending,

If you spend all of your savings on baby supplies then you are going to be very financially vulnerable.

Your husband isn’t earning enough to support a family.

If I were you I’d get a job and see a good divorce solicitor.

I will never understand why a married couple with children have separate finances. You should pool all income, all outgoings and all savings. You could allocate an agreed amount each for 'fun money' - this could cover things like nails, clothes etc. But all other expenses, including for the baby costs, groceries etc, come out of the joint account. Any other way surely just leads to resentment - especially if one of you is a SAHP.

The only time I can see this not working if one spouse is a gambler/spendthrift etc, but if you are both on the same page regarding budgets etc, it's best to pool finances.

I'd be spelling it out that -

• he is 'providing' money
• you are 'providing' childcare, house chores, life admin

If he doesn't believe in the above then you will go back to work and he will have to do half the childcare, housework, organising, pick ups, drop offs, sick days etc etc

Don't fall for any promises, only hand your notice in once he has actually put the savings in both your names.

Overall his current attitude (you should pay for house renovation out of your own savings only even though you can't bud them back up, because he currently works outside the home and you work in it) really does not bode well for him treating you like an equal partner who makes a contribution just as valid as his. So personally I'd not be even considering giving up work (because if he is self employed as well this means if you ever split he can hide his earnings a lot better and if you have been out of work a while and are the default parent trying to find a job to support you and child while he contributes nothing, you would be completely screwed)