Arguing with husband over finances

This doesn’t add up. Earning £60k and clearing £5k a month (unless this is being managed by self-employed and using dividends to reduce tax payable). Are you both paying into pensions - you should be. Once your mat leave finishes is you are staying at home, how are you covering the loss of the £680? For so many reasons on your situation I would go back to work, and especially as he has shown he won’t just use his salary as the family pot. You’re in a vulnerable situation now and I can’t see how you will manage as a family if you aren’t working. Also, please don’t leave yourself without a pension.

And do NOT pay a deposit for a car that’s in his name!

Tell him the renovation is off because if his savings are his then your savings are certainly not going on your house, they are staying in your account like his do. Tell him you are going back to work because he doesn’t want to support his wife to bring up his child, he wants a broke slave, and if you’d seen this side of him earlier you’d never have married him or had a baby, and he’s on probation now as you don’t trust him anymore.

This is financial abuse.
this child is his baby, too - so why is he treating you like a single mom who is a lodger under his roof?
fucking horrible.

So you get maternity leave money, child benefit money, hubby money but you can't manage yet he is paying house bills,holidays etc...because wether you like it or not groceries and phone yes necessary but nails hair clothes are not necessaties. My wage went in today 1485 and other than the middle of the month a payment of child benefit that lasts me bills, groceries, 5 kids nappies,pets etc my car..tough but I do it without going onto any credit card or overdraft

My view is probably going to be controversial but why give up your professional career for a life of relying on someone else who is already proving to be unreliable. Go back to work and be in the relationship as an equal rather than relying on someone else's goodwill.

She has a job. A really important one. She is caring for a child and running a home. They are married with a child. His attitude is absurd, controlling and abusive. All income is everyones in that situation regardless of who technically “earns” it.
i don’t understand this your and mine attitude to money after you marry or co habit, especially when you become parents, unless as other posters suggest there is a real problem with gambling etc.
it would be a shame if she’s forced back to work because of his selfishness unless she really wants to work. SAHM are really the best option for kids if it’s financially possible and they want to be SAHM.

we’ve said it’ll be my savings going on new house Reno.

Why have "we" said this?
Say no or at most kick in 50/50( although even thats a mistake imo)

I’m putting down the car deposit from my own savings

Why,? Why isnt he? Who will be the registered owner? Hint it should be you.

How are you going to have equal savings after paying for a car and home renovations ?

I think you might find PollyBell is just here to stir things....earlier comments bear that out. Obviously if the OP wasn't looking after the baby someone else would have to be paid to do so.

That post doesn't make much sense.

So he wants to spend all your saving on day to day stuff, big holidays, renovations, and a deposit on a business car ( which you won't be able to drive because "business" ) but not touch his own? Massive red flags!

Do not pay the deposit on a car that will be owned by his business, if the deposit has to be paid it needs to come from his business account.

It would be a HUGE mistake not to go back to work.

Also to have any more children until this fully fully resolves.

This is / is the start of financial abuse.

You arent functioning as a team and he isnt acting in good faith.

You'd be very foolish to make yourself vulnerable to a man who prioritises living in this way (ie. ME & MY WANTS > wife and kids)
My dh and I centre pretty much all decisions around is this best for the family? how does this impact our family? Does this impact our joint long terms goals?

We make 250k and take packed lunches to work because financial security for us and our kids is more important than a baguette from pret.

Stop doing your nails (its not necessary) and put it in a savings account in your name...as a woman you are more vulnerable and if shit hits the fan will have bigger financial obligations due tonthe kids... therefore you should have access imo to 10k or so as an emergency fund.

Maternity leave is by definition leave from a job that is sitting waiting for you. So she has a job in that sense.

She also has an unpaid job of raising a tiny infant. If she can't do it, someone will have to be paid to I.e. it's also a job.

How will you get money after your maternity leave ends?

60k will be around £3700. Your entire monthly outgoings are £1k? Does that include council tax, gas and electricity, sky, mobile phones, car insurance, life insurance? It seems minuscule. He can’t have £4K ‘disposable’ income off £60k once he’s paid £1k because he won’t own £4K to start with, but if that calculation is right he will have around £2.7k- so where is it going?

Is the business doing well or is he hiding financial difficulties? Do you pay attention to the cost of your household bills and accounts? I would want to see them every month- especially if the house was in my name also.

£60k is not a large ammount to finance deposits for two new cars (is it in your name if it’s through ‘the business’?) big holidays, mortgages, nails, clothes and general day to day living.

Personally I’d be going back to work in these circumstances. Either your husband is in dire straits financially and hiding it from you or he’s keeping all his money for himself and intends to leave you with child benefit only when mat pay finishes. Either way screams get a job and don’t leave yourself vulnerable.

Any 'system' where he has more disposable income than you, and more savings than you, is unfair on you, puts you in a vulnerable position and is edging into abuse territory.

He loves to tell you he's providing for you but there's apparently no appreciation for the fact you're raising your child.

If he's quibbling over money now, whilst you're getting some maternity pay, how do you expect things to go as a SAHP, without any income at all?

The only fair way i- whether you're working or not - s that you both have equal spending money and everything else goes to bills/expenses and equal savings. In fact if anything you have more spending money whilst you're off or part time as you will need to entertain the baby.

WTAF?

The baby’s father needs to step up and pay to support his child.

Never agree to a system where the earner keeps "their" money and pays all the big bills and you get a small pot thats supposed to cover all the childrens stuff & your own. This is what men do who don't want to accept the reduction in lifestyle that comes with having a child and/or having a sahm.

Go back to work. He can't afford you at home.

This. I have voted YABU for not having a shared account and being able to access the household income.
What were your plans for going back to work, are you taking a year? Who is then paying for childcare?

Aside from some dubious financial choices overall (holidays and cars that you don't seem to quite be able to afford) I just can't fathom married couples with children that don't have combined finances. Whether you like it or not, they ARE combined. See what happens if you get divorced.
In short he needs to grow up and realize he can't penalize his wife for needing to buy food, and you need to have an overall discussion about finances and budgets. But the first point is vital. You cannot live that way.

So he said he'd top up your money to £1k a month now baby is here he's going back on that. I'd put baby into childcare which he needs to pay half of and go back to work. I'd not ever have another DC with him. He is prioritising his savings over providing for his baby. If he didn't change I'd be looking to leave him because he's selfish and probably won't change.

Another test who wants a baby, doesn't want his partner to work and yet won't share money. Good luck you're going to need it.

@fireflies9 keep your job and your financial independence - you don’t want to be asking for housekeeping money like a tradwife. Your husband will just have to earn more to pay for nursery fees, and in a few years school will be free.

I’m sure the OP agrees with this too - it’s not her you need to convince!

Why can't all money go into 1 account and you both put £x amount into your savings and have £x each for fun money, everything else just comes out the joint account, there's none of this "I pay for this" "you pay for that", honestly who has time for that when you have kids, it just comes out the account and it doesn't matter who earned the money. I wouldn't agree to be a sahm without the same access to money and the reassurance that you both have equal savings. Also money should be going into a pension for you, or you'll have a gap where you've paid £0 in for several years. All this should have been discussed before you decided to try for children.

You are still on mat leave, but I'd go back to work once mat pay is up if this was my setup.