Our son has spent £48k in a space of 18 months ?? This was a gift for him to save. Husband says it’s fine he’s young but I am so pissed off I’ve told him to move out in a month go find a place with his idle friends

If it’s in a will and specified as such and someone is named as a trustee
I was the executor / trustee of my late parents will

my son had similar clauses in his inheritance from my parents
but he did get 5k to go and spend on whatever he wanted
money for a car
pay of debts
and the rest as a house deposit

I disagree that this was in any way bound to happen. Both my daughters and my neice were given extremely large sums of money (several hundred thousand each) by my parents. I actually didn't agree with this, as at the time this money was earmarked for them they were small children and no one had any idea what sort of adults they would be.

However they all had the money paid out to them by their early 20s and all 3 of them, after completing degrees, got jobs, bought a house outright and have kept any remaining invested. However I wouldn't say any of them were spoilt or had indulged childhoods. I was very careful with my 2 to tell them how lucky they would be to be able to live mortgage free and have so much more disposable income because of that and they always just seemed to accept as a given that the money would be used for property.

If your offspring are over indulged all of their lives though, it can surely be no surprise if they turn out to be are feckess, entitled adults.

Cut him off from further inheritance. If you can. I know someone exactly like that, done absolutely fuck all with his life, getting older now and it's really sad. No, it's not normal to spunk 50k on partying. Your husband is delusional on that point. And likely blinded to just how fucking stupid your son is. I really feel your pain here.

Yep this he quit a job to make TikTok videos. His videos have done very well. He’s gotten over a million views on a few videos for him it seems like a career thing. It’s easy he doesn’t have to do much and he’s his own boss. My husband loves it thinks our son is great, find all the social media stuff quite interesting and is intrigued by it.

I mean you and your DH sound just as stupid as him. Why would you randomly gift a 23 year old 50k?
Very few young people do well and are still motivated when they have very easy access to substantial sums of money.
It was your job as a parent to ensure your child was mature enough for this money, you should have waited until he was motivated enough himself to buy a property if you were going to be furious about it being spaffed up the wall.
It’s done now though.

I don't think this is a genuine post.

Or OP is lying about being an Oxford graduate

Maybe it is different college to college by son had a great time at oxford, he was always out and about having fun but still focusin on his academics. I am not sure what your dd is telling you but even when I was at Oxford we did just mess around back then but this was the 80s.

Yep I think my husband wishes he was 25 again but he is a 52 year old man who finds his son to be cool, he went sky diving while travelling, my husband decided last summer to go sky diving, he bought a motorbike my husband who hasnt ridden his in years decided its time. He even says his son is 'his greatest teacher' says thats how everyone should live, so what he run out of money, 'shit happens' he said to me dont act like you weren't 23 at one point, we met at university had a lot of fun but we still has our heads screwed on. He made a tiktok and instagram account just to keep up with our sons stuff, at a work conference he was showing everyone our sons tiktoks and saying how cool our son is, these are a group of 60+ year old men who cannot even prounce tiktok properly.

I love my son and I will support him on whatever he does. I just wish he knew the value of things and I am partly to blame, there was never any balance

As the title suggests, I’m really struggling with this.

In 2023, after our eldest son graduated from Oxford with an engineering degree and secured a very good job, we gifted him £50,000. He turns 25 this year. Part of that money came from his grandparents and it was always intended for him. We were incredibly proud of everything he had achieved.

Not long after starting work, he decided to quit his job as he couldn’t be bothered aha wanted to travel. He said he was young and wanted to experience life. We asked what his plan was and he told us he was going to Australia to travel and work. We accepted that.
It turns out he did not work at all. He travelled, drank, spent freely, not just in Australia but across Asia as well. When he came back, he told us he was doing online tutoring. We later discovered he had quit that too. Then he went to South America and carried on travelling. I had assumed he had at least been saving some of the money we gave him, but he has now spent the entire £50,000.

I am absolutely furious. I do not think I have ever been this angry or disappointed. It is not just the money. It is the lying, the lack of responsibility and what feels like a complete disregard for how privileged he is.
His cousins were given similar amounts and have used it wisely. One, who is younger than him, has already put down a deposit on a house. I know comparison is not always helpful, but it is hard not to notice the contrast we have failed as parents.

My husband says I need to calm down, that he is young and this is what young people sometimes do. He asks what we expected. Maybe there is some truth in that. But I still thought he would show some maturity, or at least some awareness of the opportunity he had been given.

There is further inheritance from his grandparents due to come to him in the future and right now I do not even want him to have it. He seems to have no real concept of money or how fortunate he is. He says he does not want a proper job and seems content drifting along. His uncle, who is an art dealer and runs auctions, has involved him a little in that world. But this is a bright, capable young man who once worked incredibly hard and now it feels like he is doing very little with his potential and will never really suffer consequences because there’s always someone there to help him.

Found out that he ran out of money when he was in South America and wanted to go travel around America too last summer so his father , my husband sent him 9k and told him to not spend it all he did and he was asking him to buy his flight tickets too to come back home. Some kids don’t even get to see that type of money!!!

I am just so deeply disappointed and unsure what to do next.

I have said he needs to move out find a place with his friends and leave us alone!! My husband thinks that’s selfish he’s still our son and has now been looking at flats for him, two of his friends are looking at flats/house shares around London too and yet again he is saved, he just always seems to get lucky. I’m sick of it.

My daughter too spoilt rotten. Is in her final year at Durham very smart studying law but ever so spoilt spoilt spoilt has no ambitions no goals just existing. Our other son another one that wants to just “chill” he’s doing his alevels this year he’s very bright , maths physics economics and predicted 2A*s and an A he will achieve that or even over achieve but no ambition at all.

It is our faint as parents I can’t even blame anyone else just wanted to vent

To make it worse he is making money off TikTok lying to his followers about his travels, “working hard” when the money he got to start travelling was from his family.

He has over 100k and TikTok followers on instagram now, he’s being invited to stuff, awards, events etc it’s easy life for him and I’m just sick of it! He says he’s not made for “9-5” He just keeps getting rewarded. I don’t want my son to suffer but I’d like for him to know what it’s like to work hard for something and achieve it.

Whilst £50k sounds a lot, he’s been gone and lived off it for around the same time he could have earnt the same in a relatively low paid average job and spent his earnings and not saved anything. How much do you spend in the same time period just existing and living?

Yanbu. I think 23 is old enough to be sensible with money. I'd have given guidance that it ought to be saved for a deposit. I'd not give him more money now, he needs to graft and learn the value of money.

I had a mortgage and FY job at 21, as do many people.

My Son also got a PhD from Oxford in Physics, comes from a working class family and went to a state school. Worded incredibly hard. Has just spent £70k (some inheritance, some gifts and some savings) sailing round the world, gave up his job and any chance of getting on the property ladder. But after working so damn hard in Oxford I don’t blame him. Life’s too short, and travelling is amazing.

I have a dd at Oxford and nobody she knows ‘plays hard’ , there isn’t any time.

Whilst £50k sounds a lot, he’s been gone and lived off it for around the same time he could have earnt the same in a relatively low paid average job and spent his earnings and not saved anything. How much do you spend in the same time period just existing and living?

I have to agree. Your husband is not helping. You are not on the same page with him and as long as he enables your son, this will continue. Can you try some type of couples counseling?