Our son has spent £48k in a space of 18 months ?? This was a gift for him to save. Husband says it’s fine he’s young but I am so pissed off I’ve told him to move out in a month go find a place with his idle friends

You’ve been in the lucky position to be able to give him money, he’s decided to use that to travel, not work for a few years. That’s a hell of a gift. I bet he’s really enjoyed his life. He’ll look back on these years (perhaps) as the highlight of his life.

Now it’s time for him to work and fund whatever it is he wants to do.

Perhaps being a high achiever took its toll? Not sure what schools they went to, but I imagine achieving academic success, takes a great deal of focus, resilience and determination. Skills that will stay with them all.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not a failure, you’ve simply raised children with different ambitions.

So you and your husband have spoiled all 3 kids and are now shocked that they've all turned out spoilt. I'm surprised that you're surprised.

Thank your likely stars he didn't blow it up his nose!

My bff has two nephews who did that.

My DS is a bit tight but has bought a three bed at 26. Two weeks until he moves!

Looks like you have a DH problem, you are clearly not on the same page about that

He is an adult and he's allowed to spend his money as he sees fit.

His time travelling sounds amazing and I doubt he'll regret it. He's young, clearly very bright and able to work hard. As long as he isn't complaining about being a few years behind in buying a house, I don't think you have any right to be angry, just because he made a different choice than you would have.

Spending it on travel and amazing experiences is a lot better than spaffing it on drugs, prostitutes, gambling or a major alcohol addiction.

You've been lucky.. He could have wasted 50k and developed a dependency or drug habit meaning he'd waste ten times that in his 20s and 30s...

:)

He's finished college, got a significant inheritance and blew it.
I'd tell him to move out and stand on his own two feet.
It's the only way he can grow up.

Your DH is an enabler - you might want to give him the heave ho too.

I wonder if the Inland Revenue will be taking an interest!

Travelling in my youth was the best decision I ever made. I can assure you, I'm successful now. Don't fall out with your child over it. He will live his life how he chooses. Judging him will just keep him from telling you things. If you intended for him to spend it a certain way you should have given him those stipulations.

Rather than being so melodramatic loo at what he did with it - he travelled, grew up, experienced different cultures nad nejoyed HIS money.

He effectively had global education which he will have lerned from. Yes blowing 48k is a lot but that sort of trip is never going to be less than 20-25K now adays.

AS to failing as a parent - no. He boradended his mind he did not stay sititng at home, in a dead end job playing on the x box.k

He’s had a privileges life so has no concept of working hard for money. Thank goodness he didnt spent it on drugs or gambling! At least traveling would have brought him memories.

i agree with you though, it’s time for him to live out and find out about life. And NO I wouldn’t let additional inheritance reach his hands until he proves he’s mature enough.

So many graduates desperately looking for work, he just flushed his down the loo!

Did you teach him the value of money? Not sure gifting a massive sum of money without purpose (eg house deposit) was a great idea.

I want to preface this by saying that I would feel the same disappointment you do if I were in your position. However, you gave him the money and he chose to spend it. Life won't always be this easy for him. He'll learn the hard way.

Your son wants to use his money and time to have experiences and enjoy his youth.

Others want to save their money and use their youth to build something sustainable early.

Both are valid choices, but when young people put immense pressure on themselves early on, which anyone graduating from Oxbridge has done, they often feel the need to blow off steam and decompress once they've achieved their goal.

You gave him £50k as a gift. He spent it. Whether it was "wasted" or not is now down to his opinion.

I would be gutted too op but what is your son saying about having spent all the money? Does he have any regrets? Probably not from the way you describe him.

He met a girl over in Australia, she has moved to be with him here, works in a cafe, lovely girl but now he wanted her to move into our house for a few months and my husband is all for it but I am just sick of our son not knowing the value of things id like him to learn something.

@YourOpenShaker your son isn't a child. He is a man. He needs to earn his own money and pay for his own flat. Encourage your husband to close his wallet. By all means, help DS search for a flat but he should definitely NOT fund it.

If DS wants to live with his GF, they need to live as adults in their own home and be self funding.

Currently, despite ALL of the advantages you've given him he is stuck in the 'failure to launch' stage. If he doesn't snap out of it soon, he'll slip into wasting his life. And he isn't going to do that unless he has to struggle. We all have to at some point.

I’d be annoyed too, but you and your DH don’t sound very sensible, so I don’t know why you expect your kids to be 🤣
I expect to give a similar amount to my DS when he wants to buy his first property, but I’d make sure it’s legally ring fenced so that, if he moved in a gf and then split up, we’d get the money back and be able to give it again.

So he’s spent £2-3000 per month travelling, which is alot of money, but good life experience.

All your kids are academically able but not streetwise. Maybe they’re burning out, and need a break.

Going forward, stop enabling them. Don’t give them money when asked (or a limited allowance).

Yes you sound jealous. You sound angry that he's been lucky enough not to have to work hard, in the way you presumably did, for what he's got. You talk of being sick of it that he lands on his feet despite not living his life the way you'd choose for him to live it. Totally 💯 jealous is exactly how you sound.

I don't deny that you want the best for him, but you seem to want to control how that happens and how he gets there and seem very frustrated that you can't. It's you who needs to grow up, cut the apron strings and realise your DS is an adult now, so you need to stop treating him like a child. You have no parental control any more, which in his 20s is how it should be. So stop trying to dictate how he lives and throwing your toys out the pram when he doesn't comply.

Asking him to move out is one thing, especially if he's living with you rent free, but telling him to leave you alone is something else. You sound like you want him away from you partly as revenge but largely because you can't deal with your own emotions. If I was him I probably wouldn't bother contacting you again.

He's behaving like a young person because he is a young person. He's completed his studies and has had some fun, with what was his money the second you gave it to him.

Now he's forged a successful career for himself and instead of saying well done for his success, all you can do is think about how it makes you look to others and what you wanted him to spend the money on and what career you wanted him to have. Me me me. Well, he isn't you and it's time you recognised that. He's his own person with his own life, his own beliefs, his own wants and needs, his own hopes and dreams.

You're a middle aged person acting like a toddler.

You’re giving loads of really overly identifying details about your kids on here OP, it’s not very sensible at all.

You said it better than I could!

Prospective employers are also more likely to take a graduate on that has had working world experience, and it doesn’t get any better at teaching work ethic than the retail jobs most 16 year olds are likely to work.

Hi . Not reading thread but just want to point out how identifiable your son is from your post and why I would delete it if I were you.
good luck

No 16 year old is focused on school all weekend. A job is great experience and earning your own money is also a great experience.

This all sounds very Vincent van Gogh! Unfortunately one of the things that push VG into numerous mental breakdowns was the pressure and expectations of his very judgemental parents who viewed him as a tearaway and total failure because of his inability to conform into a steady career, despite various misguided attempts financed by them. Eventually, he found his own way in life. The rest, as they say, is history.

WTF? You think the son is being pushed into mental breakdown like Van Gogh?

I haven't read this whole thread but is it just a humble brag that no matter how spoilt and lazy these kids are they'll never be able to actually fail