AIBU to have ditched my family on holiday walk

Yeah because fat people deserve to be treated like shit eh @Aluna? 🙄

Op, you did exactly the right thing. And what great role modelling for your kids that women don’t have to put up with high-handed inconsiderate behaviour from their husbands. It didn’t sound much fun anyway. Fuck ‘em.

I hope you remain unapologetic and strong about this. They are the ones that abandoned you. They should be apologising. Have they?

My first DH was like this. On walks and out cycling. I always made sure I had a map of the area with me so I could abandon and go a d do my own thing. My second DH was fine, never left me behind.

No it isn't
There is nothing ruder than the more experienced/fitter walker striding ahead and leaving the slower one behind. It's a family walk, they are meant to do it together.
I hope you had a great afternoon OP. Teach them to do things properly next time.

Apologies. My post was directed at the wrong poster. I don’t seem to be able to remove, but I have deleted my original comment

Thanks for posting this and for reframing the situation for OP. I’ve been in this situation so much, in fact since DC was born. Trailing way behind husband pushing DC in buggy/around museums/on any kind of walk. Sometimes, like OP, I’ve turned away and done my own thing instead. I’ve always felt like the bad one for doing so. But I appreciate your perspective. They (under H’s guidance), had left me already.

Dh can be like this. I can outrun the whole family, and I'm a fast walker, but on a 'walk' the point is to amble and talk. My solution in the past has been to just stand still, until they notice, then walk incredibly slowly to them while they wait.

Dh can be a bit thick too, so I have to actually spell it out: 'on this walk, we will be....'

Exactly a real leader stays at the back to make sure the pack is safe, the young adolescents trying to prove themselves and show off run off at the front says a lot about op’s husband.

Bloody hell. This is that behaviour and what can happen... just popped up in my feed.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0k1xkllknmo

Damn right, good for you. Maybe next time he’ll be more considerate.

My dad used to do this when we were kids to my mum - he was an utter dick to her. He will still do this now on walks with us when we occasionally go out, I'll walk at my DDs and DH pace (although can walk at my Dad's pace) and he will walk off at a ridiculous pace without us. I still find it hurtful now. My dad is extremely emotional immature and ego driven and walking at a slower pace somehow makes him feel less than. I always wonder if men like this would do the same if on a walk with friends.

I like walking fast when I'm on my own (probably a product of my childhood) but when I'm with DH and DD I'm walking with them so I walk at their pace. Sometimes we agree I can have a little trot off on my own on a longer walk whilst their chatting but then rejoin them and it's always something we agree together - because you know we're on a walk together and we like each others company and want to share the walk together.

Is your DH patient and thoughtful in life generally? When you explain to him how it feels to be left behind on a walk and what you feel you are modelling to your children is he receptive?

She didn't say that she did?!?

She just said that she didn't enjoy walking with slow walkers (neither do I), and affirmed OP's response as the correct one.

I hate group walks with much slower walkers. It somehow makes my legs much tireder to crawl along than in does to pace off. And if it's tricky terrain, I feel much more unstable going slowly than if I go at the pace that feels right to me.

My mum always pisses me off on walks because she is very slow going downhill, and wants me to slow down, but doesn't acknowledge that going uphill really fast is hard for me. So I feel no compunction in sodding off and leaving her to it on the downhills.

Anyone with any intelligence, hiking experience or even just good manners knows you go at the pace of the slowest person.

You did the right thing.

That’s my take too. They left you. You never leave anyone behind in case they get into trouble. You have a DH problem. Is he selfish and inconsiderate in other areas?

The point of a family walk is to enjoy the view and experience together. It's not about putting one foot in front of the other, it's about pointing out the cloud that looks like an arm or a rare english orchid etc. What's the point of striding off ahead, where's the joy in that?

Op's H isn't just an inconsiderate dickhead, he's probably an unimaginative philistine who just thinks a walk is getting from A to B as quickly as possible, rather than looking around with his eyes. People like that miss out on so much beauty and wonder. He might as well be on a treadmill in the gym as a coastal path

You MUST read the Anne Tyler book about a woman who leaves her family on holiday "Ladder of Years"(1995). The story follows 40-year-old Delia Grinstead, who, feeling unappreciated and stifled, simply walks away from her husband and grown children during a beach vacation and starts a new, independent life in a nearby town.
It’s so satisfying

Nope, the kids were safe. You asked. They did their thing, you did yours.

The unreasonableness is the example being set for your DC of how to walk as a group with different abilities and a possibly wider point about how to communicate needs and expectations.

Considering it’s described as an annual family event, there would be a lot to gain from unpicking these dynamics. Do you and your DH really want your children to go into the world thinking that it’s ok to treat the less able by simply abandoning them and then, yes, blaming them for not keeping up? You are clearly aware of the issue, I really hope you can get him to see the wider context.

"Alpha" is code for most fragile male ego.

I agree it’s classic, I see it all the time and feel horrible for the women struggling to keep up. Why go out for a walk/bike with your wife if you’re going to leave her miserable and alone throughout? Really shines a light on these men.
I disagree on the alpha part though. Whatever alpha means, it’s pretty clear that in terms of physical ability, other men view my husband as one. He is behind me on every bike and hike, because he doesn’t feel the need to prove himself by ‘winning’ against his wife or any other woman.
I’m not trying to be smug, I think it’s common decency to go at the pace of the slowest, it’s sad to see how many men lack this.

I HATE men who do this.
I’ve done the same, OP. YANBU.
that’s having a boundary and making it clear.
anytime he does this, I’d just keep doing exactly as you did - he’ll either learn, or it will go on but at least you’ll be okay, not running after His Lordship.

In your place, I would do the same again tomorrow.

Good on you op.

YANBU. I always feel sorry for women when I see men doing this kind of thing. Unfortunately it’s not uncommon. You didn’t leave them, they left you. You simply stopped trying to keep up with them.

Do you suspect they are some kind of fake family not a real family? A ‘family’ ? Why not be clear about your passive aggressive accusations here?

It is difficult to walk slowly, but every parent who has a toddler must have mastered this difficult skill set. Adult men can too.