DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

If being pregnant renders you unable to walk across a car park unaccompanied you are within your rights to object, otherwise you are being very unreasonable.

This happend to me. They just vanished, nowhere to be seen. Even they didn't know how it happened 😂

I guess another way to read this is now I see how many mumsnetters are willing to treat other women this way, including heavily pregnant and therefore potentially more vulnerable or fragile feeling. I wouldn't have done this in a pig's fit, not to a colleague, acquaintance, or friend, never mind to my loved ones. Manners take so little effort but boy do they make other people feel cared for.

I would have waited for my wife, probably by the door but inside the restaurant then walked her to the car. It is only good manners or etiquette not to leave people alone.

Don't understand...if they driven off yanbu. If they want to the car to wait for you as they have paid..yabu. It's very normal to leave straight after paying and those who popped up the toilet to just go outside to meet the rest of their party

True but I bet they wouldn't all walk out and go to their cars if mil went to the loo. Its always not a deal to others when it doesn't get done to them is what I usually find with this types of ppl.

How far away was DH car parked? If it was more or less in sight/round the corner YABU

If it was in a car park ten minutes walk away, YANBU

I’m fairly confident my DH would wait for me either inside the restaurant or at the door outside I’d everybody was leaving, especially if I was pregnant and it was dark, I’d be a bit put out agree but probably not enough to dwell on it unless there is a backstory here. I’m also confident my MIL would want to say goodbye so yes a bit odd. Maybe in days of his parents being a bit more frail he would have had to get them quickly to their car also.

Oh dear, did you not arrive in the car? Therefore knowing where the car was parked?

I doubt the car park is that big that you were stumbling around for days looking for the car 😂

Ah - is that why it's taken this long to make a post? You've just got home from that night out?

I’m slightly amused at the notion of op stumbling blindly around in the dark looking for the car she’d actually arrived in.
If her dh could find it, she surely had a clue where to start looking?
A restaurant car park isn’t going to house that many cars.

Agree with this. Even if someone isn’t pregnant out of courtesy someone should’ve waited for the last person to come out of the loo. Or say, I’ll bring the car round for you or at least for you to not be looking for everyone. I hope when baby is born they don’t do that. Just crap imo

How long ago was this? You are going to have to choose to get over it and stop punishing yourself.

the bill had already been paid and your meal had ended the polite thing to do is to leave the table so it can either be used for another set of diners or to allow the staff to prepare for the next day.

Why were you wandering around in the dark trying to find the car? Did you not arrive in the car, should you not have known where it was? Also why did you ask the waiters where everyone was, how would they know? Presumably it was obvious they were outside?
I can’t work out if your MIL/ other family members didn’t say goodbye to you, by the time you’d got outside had they already gone? Or were they waiting around outside? If they’d completely left and not said bye, I do think that’s weird,

I am genuinely worried by the amount of people who don’t see the problem 🤯 what sort of world do we live in?

It’s really inconsiderate to just disappear. If there was a conversation before she went to the toilet saying “we’re going to settle up, I’ll see you at the car” then fine. That didn’t happen.

If they HAD to leave the restaurant (and it really doesn’t sound like they did) then someone should’ve popped into the ladies shouted her name and let her know they were going to the car. At the VERY least the OP’s partner should have sent a text message. Why they wouldn’t simply wait to escort a pregnant woman across a dark car park, beggars belief though?

It’s shocking how many people don’t understand how unforgivably rude that is. I mean so many questions, did the rest of the group gather up OP’s personal possessions and take them with them, or did they just leave them unattended at the table? Was everyone just sat in the car waiting for OP as if she was a mind reader and knew where they had gone? Nobody thought to send a WhatsApp message?

I’m bias because I had this happen once at a really big busy pub with a bit of the family I no longer speak to. I went to the loo, there was a queue so it took a few minutes and came back to find strangers sitting at our table. Thankfully they were a nice family who were about to give my coat, bag and phone to the bar staff- although my drink had gone. Couldn’t see my group, so I stood at the bar for a bit and sent a message but no reply. Thankfully food had been paid for upfront (like a spoons) I was really p-off but as I was designated driver I was able to walk back to the car and go home. 3 hours later (!) when they were ready to go home my group finally noticed I wasn’t there and called me. They’d all gone out to the beer garden for ‘a fag’ and ended up staying out there getting more and more drunk. They hadn’t noticed I was missing until the pub threw them out at closing and they wanted to go home. Told them to get a taxi and I’ve barely spoken to any of them from that day to this.

What were you frightened of? Being pregnant doesn’t mean you always have to have someone with you. Meeting outside, after loo breaks, is normal,🤷‍♀️

But is that not the same thing?

I am perfectly capable of doing many things on my own, I don't need assistance to walk back to the car on my own, but it's just a nicer world to live in if someone else shows a bit of friendly consideration and waits for me.

That’s really not what anyone is saying, what people are saying is we are perfectly capable of walking out a restaurant and getting in the car, and don’t expect people to sit and wait for us.

Agree with last paragraph. I find some replies on this site quite sad at times. It's like they are saying you are only a worthwhile human if you are an independent machine and display no emotions, needs or empathy at any point, ever.

I agree, parents-in-law should have said goodbye before leaving and husband should have waited for you inside. But at this point, please stop hanging onto it if you can, time to let it go.

Yes, OP. I think your MIL & FIL should've said they were leaving and bid a proper goodbye, not just left. And I also think your partner should've either waited for you or said he'd see you back at the car. I personally wouldn't just get up and go, especially as they were all still happily seated when you went to the loo with no indication of buggering off.

I agree with you. I do think it was rude of them to just leave without saying goodbye, and inconsiderate of your DH not to wait for you. As a minimum I’d expect a goodbye from the in-laws, and if DH didn’t want to wait inside or outside the door I’d expect him to say “I’ll wait in the car”. Not just disappear without saying anything.

I think that would be common courtesy too. Was it a one off or is this typical behaviour where you feel they are inconsiderate? Might have just been an accident where they were out before they realised and then it was cold. If you are feeling they are generally inconsiderate towards you thats different.

I also think the op must have been much longer than she realised, unless they high tailed it out of there the moment she left. Otherwise it’s likely they waited a few mins, the parents wanted to get back, the husband walked them out and waited for her in the car.

its fine to take a long time in the loo as your heavily pregnant, normal even, but I suspect that’s what’s behind this, they sat waiting, the parents had to get off, so he walked out with them and then waited in the car.

like many people I can’t work out why she had to ask the waiters, for most of us it would be abundantly clear they were outside, they clearly weren’t hiding in the kitchen,

I agree, I don’t think leaving a restaurant signifies the downfall of society and that people have lost all empathy & kindness. Some of us are just a lot less easily offended and don’t get hung up on this sort of stuff.

I viewed my pregnancies as a temporary condition not an illness. If I needed help I’d ask for it otherwise I was perfectly capable of functioning as normal. That very much included walking in the dark.

I think they should have waited for you.

But equally I don't believe you can have been quick if they didn't even have coats on when you left them and they were sitting in the car when you caught up to them. You must have taken ages. Which is fine because you were heavily pregnant but I think might explain why they left.