DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

OP. I am worried are you still in the carpark as you jave not told us where you found DH?

You are assuming that the car is parked just outside.

The OP hasn't said that's the case.

It's still rude to leave without saying goodbye. And if she'd been in there for so long that they felt they couldn't wait someone really should have checked in on her before they all departed to make sure she was ok in there. She's 8 months pregnant after all!

And you’d do that to a good friend? 😳

This post is certainly highlighting some differences!

I'd be quite chuffed that he'd gone out and started scraping the car / getting the windscreen cleared whilst I was still in the warm.

I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

But I can't understand why you didn't know where the car was Did you dh jump in then move it from where you'd parked when you arrived ? Like a game of hide and seek ?

If I was with others who wanted to get off, sure I’d walk out with them and wait in the car.

I think it's weird. Not sure why they wouldn't wait for you.

Also, where was the car parked? Just outside the restaurant or nearby?

I’m really shocked at some of these replies.

I can totally understand if they didn’t want to hang around like spare parts while staff were trying to get the table cleared and re-set, so I’d have had no issues with them asking your DH to pass on their goodbyes to you and making their way home. I could also accept DH saying that he’d meet me back at the car, although it’s not something that would impress me much. But if my DH wandered off to go and sit in the car park without so much as a backward glance, I’d be really pissed off. It’s really fucking rude. I can’t imagine friends doing this to each other, so it’s certainly not something I’d accept from someone who is supposed to love me.

To everyone who is saying that this wouldn’t even register as an issue for them, would you do that to a friend? If you’d arranged to give them a lift home after a meal, would you just leave while they were in the loo and wait in your car?

I think it would be more embarrassing if they waited! I would feel as if everyone was hoping I had gone for a wee not a poo and would not be long. Seeing as you took so long maybe it was the latter, you must have been gone quite a while if they all put their coats on and then left!

So how long has this been bugging you ? I agree it’s rude, although it wouldn’t really bother me, but it’s really odd if this has been on your mind for longer than a day or so (or even a few hours TBH).

I'm guessing at the time, being pregnant and therefore probably highly sensitive and it's turned in to a traumatic core memory that you can't let go.
I have to be honest and say this wouldn't be something I'd give a second thought to but I can understand how being pregnant and vulnerable you felt upset.
Curious as to why you're still so upset now. I don't know how long ago it was. Is your baby still young? Maybe some post natal depression going on here?

I think you have accept other people have different views to you and when that occurs it doesn’t give you the right to take offense or become rude

It's normal if something said beforehand.

Its absolutely not normal for someone leave a table of people sat down without their coats on to go the toilet, and then for all those people to up and leave without a word. Including just driving off without saying goodbye to a party member.

Would you genuinely go from being sat down no coat on, to in your car without saying anything, whilst someone was in the toilet? Would you genuinely not say goodbye to your pregnant DIL?

My DH would never do this, and neither would any of my friends/family, ans I qouldnt do this to someone. They wouldn't just up and leave the restaurant without telling me whilst I was in the toilet!

Yes waiting in a car whilst someone goes to the toilet is normal, but there would be a quick "meet you outside" before hand. To just walk off while someone is in the toilet is rude. Especially to just leave without saying goodbye.

No I know. I've voted on threads and not left comments before, but this seems SO different, that's all.

There's any number of reasons why.
It may not have been a pub style car park.

It could have be a restaurant in a city centre, or somewhere where parking is often very limited and DH might have had to drop her at the restaurant and park further away... or even in a multi storey. That's where I would have to park to visit restaurants near me.

She might not have been paying attention to exactly where he parked as she'd assume they'd be going back to the car together.

She could have arrived in daylight and not been certain of exactly where he'd parked as it was dark.

I know that if I had an 8 months heavily pregnant family member who had been in the bathroom for a while and the group wanted to go, I would have checked in on her before I left to make sure she was OK. The DH above all should have out of courtesy waited, since he was going to have to wait in the car anyway. So I don't think OP was BU to feel fed up with him.

Moving on.
OP. I'm not sure how long ago this happened but it clearly made you feel unhappy at the time to find they'd all left without you.
Have you spoken to your DH about it?
How do you feel about it now?
Do you see it as something that could be solved by saying don't you dare walk off without me again... and that would be accepted, or do you feel its lack of consideration in general... which is more troubling.
Have things been the same since or was this a one off?
Is there anyone else you trust who you could talk to?
What advice could we give to help you move forwards from this?

Unless she was in there for longer than she thought, they waited, wanted to get off and said say bye for us as they just sat there waiting and he said I will walk you out and wait in the Car. I suspect that’s what happened, she was in there much longer than she thought and I also suspect her husband told her that.

This is an interesting read as it seems that half seems absolutely no problem and half would be mortified by the rudeness

I think there's a middle ground too which I am in. I think it's normal to wait and mildly rude not to. But I absolutely wouldn't be furious about it or angry about it much later, it would have been a quick "hey where did you guys go?" for me.

I realise it might have been unavoidable as pregnant but I also think it's mildly rude to disappear for a lengthy toilet trip when you know everyone else is ready to go, I would have gone a bit earlier when they had got the bill.

Not everyone who votes leaves a comment.

I don't understand how the vote is SO different from all the pages of comments.

OP I can't believe all the responses telling you this is completely normal behaviour because it's not. If everyone was seated at the table chatting when you went to the loo the polite thing would be to wait for you to get back to say goodbye. If people were standing up and getting their jackets on you could have said goodbye before you went and arranged with DH where to meet him, but it sounds like everyone was still settled, despite the bill being paid for in which case it was rude for them to leave without saying goodbye to you.

This is an interesting read as it seems that half seems absolutely no problem and half would be mortified by the rudeness. I would personally have been peed off unless when I was going my husband made a point out of saying I'll meet you in the car park. I would be like. Weird family dynamics but ok. Especially as part of a larger gathering, it's polite to wait for everyone to be there and then return to take proper leave of the situation. It's what I was taught as a child and to do otherwise would be incredibly rude, it's now ingrained in me and I am teaching this to my children as part of social soft skills. I think the conversation just needs to be had quietly to please not do that again, I found it rude and distasteful to husband. If he says it isn't a problem, agree that while it is a norm in his family, it isn't in yours and that doing so would be considered disrespectful to the person left. The time may have gone now for that though. The other thing I might do, although it is fairly passive aggressive (and I would have usually addressed it directly at the time) is to wait until a family member is talking about food recommendations or some other pretense to bring up the restaurant as a nice restaurant for whatever reason and go to husband- do you remember thats the restaurant that you left me high and dry in the restaurant wondering where you had gone. Creates a little moment to make future expectations known and that you haven't forgotten. Like I said passive aggressive. But if you lost the moment when it happened and you are still stewing, holds a space for you to get it out without being like... Remember 6 months ago. I'm still effing furious about it!!!

Presumably at 8 months pregnant you’re an adult? I wouldn’t give it a second thought, they left you in a restaurant whilst they waited outside , hardly abandoned in a war zone were you

This is a real non-issue, unless your partner drove/walked/got public transport home without you - that WOULD be shit.

But if all they did is leave the building, and he waited out there in the carpark for you, it really is no big deal. If you are still holding on to this from months ago, I wonder if this is the tip of the iceberg and there are other things he/his family have done that have made you feel uncomfortable?

Because, even if slightly annoying, this isn't usually the sort of thing that would stick in one's mind, I don't think.

Agree.
My circle wouldn't dream of behaving like this, but MN is often a parallel universe of poor behaviour.
It is extraordinary the lengths that posters will go to defending such manner less treatment of a heavily pregnant woman.