DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

It's not unreasonable as such. But I have to say I wouldn't do this. If I knew someone was in the loo I would wait for them - unless there had been a conversation like : "I'm going to the loo". "OK, we will see you at the car".

I wouldn't like to come out the loo and everybody had just gone. Especially not heavily pregnant, wandering around in a dark car park.

At best they were thoughtless; at worst they were knowingly rude.

It may be that they had words before walking out and your DH doesn't want to share what was siad with you.

If he'd apologised for walking out without you and leaving you to search the carpark for him, I could get past it. If he acted like you were overreacting to their thoughtlessness/rudeness, I'd find that hard. That speaks to how he feels about you.

I genuinely can't believe that 60% of people think that they were out of order?!?!

I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

Well surely it was where you'd parked it?! Why make it sound like you were standard in some unknown place in the middle of the night?!

If everyone was still sitting around the table when you went to the loo, I'd expect them still to be in the restaurant when you came back, if you weren't an age in the loo. In our family we'd still be standing around zipping coats, exchanging hugs and promises to meet up again soon when the loo-attendee got back. Leaving without saying goodbye to a family member is rather rude and dismissive, so we wouldn't do that. Everyone would wait in the warm unless they had to get back for a particular time, then they'd say "Say goodbye to TemporaryWombat for me, would you? Tell her lovely to see her and we'll catch up soon, etc". Just going without saying anything..? No, we wouldn't. (And I would dwell on it too, pregnant or not.)

So your PILs drove off without saying goodbye? That IS rude.

I think people saying it's normal were thinking you all came in the same car (so they'd be waiting in the car for you).

We go to quite a lot of (my DHs) family gatherings and none of them would dream of leaving a venue without saying goodbye to everybody (it takes a while sometimes 😃).

I voted YABU because i think your holding onto the hurt still when its not serving you.

Are your inlaws rude to you in other ways? Was this a one off ? Was it just one of those things that happened once and is not a pattern of bad behaviour. If so let it go.

I hope your pregnancy went well - may i add that if you are brewing on things Post par tum that is normal but also a waste of your time and energy.

Unless of course it part of a larger problem with your spouse and in laws....

I would find this little odd but not enough to fester on for however long it has been. We usually wait at the table or outside the restaurant by the entrance, if someone has gone to toilet. Why were you wandering in the dark though? You could have called husband and asked him to pull up closer to the door.

I agree it would be more 'normal' for your DH to hang back and wait for you but equally I wouldn't be bothered if everyone had gone outside. I'm very surprised this bothered you at all, let alone that you would be dwelling on it a while after the event.

I remember years ago, we had a huge group having dinner at a restaurant which was quite far from home. Multiple cars required to get us all there. Afterwards, once we were all home and chilling out, we got a call from ex-SIL to say she'd been left behind! We all thought she was in someone else's car! This was pre mobile phones so she'd had to find a pay phone 😂

Op, with kindness, you really need to get over this

Wouldn't bother me at all, it can be really awkward (and in the way of servers) to be standing waiting for someone, they had stood and left table when you went to the loo. In saying that your dh could have said we'll wait outside for you but it definitely is not something I would be still thinking about it

Unless it’s part of a pattern of inconsiderate behaviour by the ILs/DH.

yes - I agree she is allowed to feel how she feels. I understand that.

and on reflection I think it is probably my reaction of soemthing like that not even registering that is abnormal. a person should register if someone, especially DH is being rude.

I think I would find this quite upsetting tbh. Pregnancy or not.

well I suppose im saying that she is really over reacting as its maybe a bit rude but it wouldnt even register with me tbh. I would just go to the car park and find them - it wouldn't even cross my mind. maybe thats becasue im used to bad treatment , I dont know so maybe its my response that is abnormal so I may not be the best judge. I honestly don know

I’ve heard of overthinking about absolutely nothing but this is ridiculous.

More context needed here. Was the restaurant busy? Did they need the table for the next lot of diners? Was the restaurant hot and stuffy. When it's like that I can't wait to get outside in the fresh air. It's not like they drove off and completely abandoned you.

@LucyLoo1972 not to dismiss your personal experience, but it's kind of irrelevant to compare the two. OP is feeling hurt, and that's also valid. It's not a race to the bottom of experiencing the worst trauma; she may be feeling more vulnerable due to heavy pregnancy, it changes the dynamic in the group if her husband's family are a bit odd, and regardless it feels very dismissive to be abandoned in such a casual way.

But even without reason, or comparison, she's still ok to feel how she feels .

Yes I agree but it’s weird to be bothered about it more than about 5 minutes later

None of this is relevant to the OPs post. Sorry you've had a tough time, but you need to reflect on that, not put it on the OP.

How long were you in the toilet for if everyone was sat down when you left and then had time to get their coats, pay the bill, say goodbye and go separate ways?!
I'd have expected my DH to be by the entrance though.

I dont mean to be rude but this is such a minor thing to be bothered by. I had so much bad treatment from my parents and my husabnd that I went into psychosis and lost everything. my problem wa that I never challenged anything. my husband would sometimes be 45 mins late to meet me late at night. and he also didnt like me spending money. my whole life and career id world os hard for was destroyed. you really should be tihnakfu lief thats all you've got to worry about. my father made threats to me as an 80 year old man and I ahd to call the police.

Nah, they were thoughtless and rude. It takes all of ten seconds to say "we'll meet you at the car".

Yet another thread where so many posters seem to think showing consideration and good manners to someone you are supposed to care about is not necessary.
Of course your DH should have waited for you and not buggered off out of the restaurant leaving you in the toilet.

I’m with you OP, as you were all presumably going your separate ways it would be normal to wait for you, inside or outside, and then for everyone to say goodbye - not just drive off. I would also expect my husband to be waiting for me specifically, it seems inconsiderate and uncaring without saying a word about it.