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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset about daughters removal?

214 replies

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 13:54

I’m genuinely seeking the opinion of people who aren’t emotionally tied to this and am completely open to hearing if I’m in the wrong.
My daughters have been at the same cheer club for four years. I’ve always had what I thought was a good relationship with the head coach/owner, and she has genuinely helped my daughters develop.
Over the past year, training increased significantly, and so did the cost. What had been around £450 per term for both girls rose to around £1,400 per term. The owner acknowledged that this was a big jump and offered most parents monthly payment plans. I was paying just under £450 per month to keep the girls training.

Across four years, I’ve raised three concerns:

  1. Progression/communication – One year there were no competitions, and sessions are closed to parents. At the end-of-year showcase, my daughter performed the same routine she’d done the year before. I was confused, as I’d regularly asked how she was doing and had always been told sessions were good. I raised that I would have appreciated clearer communication if she was behind or not progressing as expected.
  2. Competition scheduling – At one competition, my daughter’s solo slot (and another child’s) was moved in a way that meant the rest of the team wouldn’t be present to support them. The owner said it would be unfair to expect other families to change travel plans. I understood that. However, she then said that if our girls didn’t support them before they flew back, they wouldn’t be allowed to compete. Myself and the other childs parents felt the expectations weren’t being applied consistently and raised that concern.
  3. Uniform reveal filming day – The club announced an exciting uniform reveal/photo day. However, children whose uniforms were still being paid off on instalments couldn’t take part despite it being a 'team event'. I queried this privately, saying I understood the business side but felt it could feel excluding to the majority of children whose parents were on payment plans (which had been offered to parents by the club to support affordability as costs were previously around £400 a term, but gone up to about £1400 just speaking for myself).

Following this, the owner said the club no longer felt like a fit for our family and ended both girls’ memberships. My daughters are devastated - I've been paying this years fees since September for a mix of tumble solo and Cheer team, cheer choreography camp, routine days, etc. Their first competition of this season is in March and she's removed them.

There were no safeguarding concerns, no aggression, no public confrontation – all concerns were raised privately and in writing.

So AIBU for raising these 3 concerns over time? Or does ending the children’s places feel disproportionate in this situation?

I genuinely want perspective.

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TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 11/02/2026 16:40

It sounds like the owner is very greedy and much more interested in the money than the children!

CliantheLang · 11/02/2026 16:33

Sc00byDont · 11/02/2026 14:35

Ooh no idea how I managed to make big text 😂

Apologies for the derail but

hashtags make big text.

As you were.

Glitterybee · 11/02/2026 16:32

I feel your pain OP

My girls do competitive dance and it costs me £500 a month in fees for their classes. Additional costs like costumes, private coaching, competition entry fees, etc are extra on top.

The politics and drama is off the scale. There are parents who clash with the teachers, whereas I go with the flow to try not to make myself & the girls a target as I’ve seen children over the years punished because their parent spoke up against things.

Im counting down the days until my two finish at 18/19 and we are almost there, they’re 14 & 17 now (been doing this since they were 4 & 7)!

if we had our time again I would definitely try to find a nicer team with an owner that isn’t batshit crazy 🤪

FairKoala · 11/02/2026 16:25

Usually these type of clubs aren’t worth the money and when one or two start to leave there can be a flood of people leaving

Shop around and find where the elite ones who left are attending now and sign DD’s up. .They will soon get over their devastation when they realise that the new club is stretching them and teaching them new things

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 16:20

SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2026 16:11

Is your 0 year old year 6? I know for us there's now far more homework a week for Sat's and then it'll step up again once she's in high school.

Obviously if your looking St them competing in regional / international competitions it takes time but I think it's important to raise kids who are well rounded esp when they're so young

She's Year 5. But she is currently doing 11+ tutoring a few nights a week so totally get what you mean about far more work than for the younger one.

I do think they're quite well rounded, they do different after school clubs at their request - football, netball, computer club. The training sounds a lot but realistically it's an hour/hour and a half out of their evenings.

Think we'll use this sudden free time to try some new things - maybe there's a different activity they'll enjoy more :)

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SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2026 16:11

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 15:07

They are 6 and 10 - both absolutely obsessed with tumble, we have a 20ft mat out in the garden constantly and they live, eat and breath practicing their skills despite me urging them to give it a rest lol - however, I definitely agree its a chance to reconsider and let them explore some different activities to see if there is something they enjoy more. :)

Is your 0 year old year 6? I know for us there's now far more homework a week for Sat's and then it'll step up again once she's in high school.

Obviously if your looking St them competing in regional / international competitions it takes time but I think it's important to raise kids who are well rounded esp when they're so young

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 16:10

Restlessdreams1994 · 11/02/2026 15:28

Technically it’s her club so unless you have a signed contract saying otherwise, she doesn’t have to keep your children in it.

However, if she continues to behave in such an unprofessional manner she risks losing so many students that her club becomes unviable, particularly if there is an alternative club nearby. If there isn’t an alternative yet then maybe one of her instructors will defect and set one up!

I would leave a review but keep it very factual and objective. Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape really. Someone is making a LOT of profit out of these kids, it sounds a lot like the pageant racket.

Well she does have terms and conditions which say that we've all agreed to be bound by those terms if we use the service. The terms state 'intimidation, threats and aggression' as reasons she can terminate a contract - not for a parent having an opinion you don't like and telling you in a calm, not aggressive way. It also says in her t&c that parents are always welcome to address their concerns with the club - irony.

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mollyminniemo · 11/02/2026 15:31

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She doesn't have to mention that. Just point out all the negatives and then say as a result her daughters no longer go and she would like to warn others.

Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 15:29

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Restlessdreams1994 · 11/02/2026 15:28

Technically it’s her club so unless you have a signed contract saying otherwise, she doesn’t have to keep your children in it.

However, if she continues to behave in such an unprofessional manner she risks losing so many students that her club becomes unviable, particularly if there is an alternative club nearby. If there isn’t an alternative yet then maybe one of her instructors will defect and set one up!

I would leave a review but keep it very factual and objective. Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape really. Someone is making a LOT of profit out of these kids, it sounds a lot like the pageant racket.

Wheresthebeach · 11/02/2026 15:26

Completely reasonable issues to raise and frankly quite minor. Def move to another club asap, or a sport where their skills can be developed without being controlled by a coach who clearly won't take any input from parents.

Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 15:07

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AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 15:07

SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2026 15:03

Op how old are your girls? 5 days a week plus 1:1 training for one a 3 days a, week for the other and yo u were planning on introducing gymnastics too?

Honestly, unless they're old enough to know they want to do this as a, career, I'd see this as a gift horse to give you all time to reevaluate how you spend your leisure time. How does this fit around school work, family time, seeing friends, going on holiday?

They are 6 and 10 - both absolutely obsessed with tumble, we have a 20ft mat out in the garden constantly and they live, eat and breath practicing their skills despite me urging them to give it a rest lol - however, I definitely agree its a chance to reconsider and let them explore some different activities to see if there is something they enjoy more. :)

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mollyminniemo · 11/02/2026 15:06

Please leave a very detailed review of this all to warn other families. Sounds awful.

Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 15:05

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AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 15:04

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The coaches have spoken about this situation? Yeah I mean I guess that's possible, but I stand by the issues I had being valid issues anyone would raise their eyebrows at... Multiple other parents at the club said they thought it was an unacceptable message - they just obviously didn't raise the issue.

Not yet - think I've just been trying to figure this situation out mentally before rushing into something new.

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SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2026 15:03

Op how old are your girls? 5 days a week plus 1:1 training for one a 3 days a, week for the other and yo u were planning on introducing gymnastics too?

Honestly, unless they're old enough to know they want to do this as a, career, I'd see this as a gift horse to give you all time to reevaluate how you spend your leisure time. How does this fit around school work, family time, seeing friends, going on holiday?

Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 14:59

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AeroChambre · 11/02/2026 14:59

Sad and stressful as this is, it sound like you have dodged a bullet.

We had similar with a gym club many years ago, mounting costs and grumbles about the way or dd was spoken to and no real way to raise concerns. It stopped being fun and was making us all anxious but the gym club insisted on more and more money and commitment, less parental interaction and then a whole new outfit costing ££££.

It took me too long to see the wood for the trees and pull the plug. As a pp said, when others around you are going along with it too it's hard to break free. A bit like a cult.

As it is, we had a break and then dd took up a different sport and it was like night and day in terms of inclusion and fun and also the finances!

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 14:57

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Nope. I was planning on gradually introducing Gymnastics once a week, and getting her used to the environment before suggesting we start focusing on that more than the cheer element and then with her fully on board, having been able to prepare mentally and say her goodbyes - move her over. It was also very likely we would have stayed there for tumble, but just not done cheer,

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MajorProcrastination · 11/02/2026 14:57

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 14:48

wow 22 hours a week - incredible dedication. Totally agree my issues could probably seem a bit meh as isolated issues, and to me - they still weren't something I was making a HUGE deal out of, just communicating because she doesn't have kids of her own and sometimes I think she forgets that it's children who are impacted by the very adult decisions she makes.

Super sad that it ended this way - it's funny because we were leaving at the end of the term anyway as I felt cheer had no real progression route and wanted to put them into something with a bit more longevity - but would be nicer to have left on better terms.

Yes, that feels like the saddest bit of it. Hope your children find another hobby or sport that they love. I'm sure they will.

Alpacajigsaw · 11/02/2026 14:56

Find a club not run by a total arsehole

Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 14:55

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AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 14:55

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Sorry not end of term - end of season. Which is in June. There are a number of competitions she has been prepping for between now and then.

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AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 14:54

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The coaches probably have agreed with her, although I've had no bad experiences with them as all the sessions are closed, you literally drop the kids at the door and pick them up from the door and we always have a laugh and a giggle.

In terms of parents, I have really good relationships with 3 parents and the only other parent I've had any interaction with any other parent is a parent whose child was having a sensory breakdown a few weeks ago and I spent 20 minutes helping the mum calm her down - for which the head coach thanked me implicitly for. So I'd be surprised if any of the parents had anything to say about me as never spoken to or had interactions with any of them outside of the 3 I have good relationships with and who have fully been on my side with this.

Who knows - stranger things have happened I guess!

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