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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset about daughters removal?

214 replies

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 13:54

I’m genuinely seeking the opinion of people who aren’t emotionally tied to this and am completely open to hearing if I’m in the wrong.
My daughters have been at the same cheer club for four years. I’ve always had what I thought was a good relationship with the head coach/owner, and she has genuinely helped my daughters develop.
Over the past year, training increased significantly, and so did the cost. What had been around £450 per term for both girls rose to around £1,400 per term. The owner acknowledged that this was a big jump and offered most parents monthly payment plans. I was paying just under £450 per month to keep the girls training.

Across four years, I’ve raised three concerns:

  1. Progression/communication – One year there were no competitions, and sessions are closed to parents. At the end-of-year showcase, my daughter performed the same routine she’d done the year before. I was confused, as I’d regularly asked how she was doing and had always been told sessions were good. I raised that I would have appreciated clearer communication if she was behind or not progressing as expected.
  2. Competition scheduling – At one competition, my daughter’s solo slot (and another child’s) was moved in a way that meant the rest of the team wouldn’t be present to support them. The owner said it would be unfair to expect other families to change travel plans. I understood that. However, she then said that if our girls didn’t support them before they flew back, they wouldn’t be allowed to compete. Myself and the other childs parents felt the expectations weren’t being applied consistently and raised that concern.
  3. Uniform reveal filming day – The club announced an exciting uniform reveal/photo day. However, children whose uniforms were still being paid off on instalments couldn’t take part despite it being a 'team event'. I queried this privately, saying I understood the business side but felt it could feel excluding to the majority of children whose parents were on payment plans (which had been offered to parents by the club to support affordability as costs were previously around £400 a term, but gone up to about £1400 just speaking for myself).

Following this, the owner said the club no longer felt like a fit for our family and ended both girls’ memberships. My daughters are devastated - I've been paying this years fees since September for a mix of tumble solo and Cheer team, cheer choreography camp, routine days, etc. Their first competition of this season is in March and she's removed them.

There were no safeguarding concerns, no aggression, no public confrontation – all concerns were raised privately and in writing.

So AIBU for raising these 3 concerns over time? Or does ending the children’s places feel disproportionate in this situation?

I genuinely want perspective.

OP posts:
AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 19:01

Scottishskifun · 11/02/2026 18:46

I think YABU for even paying that amount a month for such young cheerleading!

The club sounds absolutely bonkers but my god over 16k a year for cheerleading for a 6 & 10 year old!!!
You could easily bank roll them through uni, set them up with a huge deposit for a house or go to Disney land every year for that amount of money!

Give your head a wobble (and do some maths!) before signing them up for the next expensive club (and my children ski every week!)

How have you done that maths then? £1400 a term is £4200 a year. Where on earth have you got £16k from

OP posts:
freakingscared · 11/02/2026 19:01

They are vile as well as daylight robbing you

Scottishskifun · 11/02/2026 18:46

I think YABU for even paying that amount a month for such young cheerleading!

The club sounds absolutely bonkers but my god over 16k a year for cheerleading for a 6 & 10 year old!!!
You could easily bank roll them through uni, set them up with a huge deposit for a house or go to Disney land every year for that amount of money!

Give your head a wobble (and do some maths!) before signing them up for the next expensive club (and my children ski every week!)

DaffyDuckz · 11/02/2026 18:15

This is crazy and the club owner sounds like a megomaniac! She obviously loves the power and control - with that attitude I cannot see how she can be providing a good atmosphere for the kids .

I think you are better off cutting your losses.

You mentioned some talented kids disappeared- do you know where they went? Maybe you can follow them to a new cheer squad or gym class .

TruJay · 11/02/2026 18:08

Seems to me you have become an ‘issue’ as you’re no longer compliant. I’d say it’s a blessing in disguise to be honest.

HisNotHes · 11/02/2026 18:00

You’re better off out of there!

wottydot · 11/02/2026 17:41

Across four years, I’ve raised three concerns. There were no safeguarding concerns, no aggression, no public confrontation all concerns were raised privately and in writing. So AIBU for raising these 3 concerns over time? Or does ending the children’s places feel disproportionate in this situation?

They are utterly and totally unhinged to sack you off for raising concerns calmly and professionally. I absolutely HATE people involved in youth club / hobby setting who are unable to take constructive criticism on board. It's completely unprofessional and pathetic. YANBU and the leader or whoever asked your poor daughters to leave is a total cunt.

Now is the time to stop attending this expensive and dishonest business and find something more positive and healthy for your family.

It's essentially abuse of power, which is particularly evil where children are involved and she sounds corrupt for not letting them use the costumes you were paying and expecting support for some but not giving to others.

Isittimeformynapyet · 11/02/2026 17:37

ScreenChime · 11/02/2026 14:18

Leave after writing a suitable review….

Leave? Have you actually RTFT?

nomas · 11/02/2026 17:35

I've been paying this years fees since September for a mix of tumble solo and Cheer team, cheer choreography camp, routine days, etc. Their first competition of this season is in March and she's removed them.

Has she kept your money?

MushMonster · 11/02/2026 17:30

Find another club for them.
Their skills can be applied to other sports too.
I bet you will find the missing children in the club you end up in.
Competing is great, but they must have fun and be cared for. Extreme sports and training can damaged your daughters for life! Never sign with any club that does not allow parents in the training sessions! And 5 days a week!

MummyWillow1 · 11/02/2026 17:20

Be glad you have got out now!

We’ve been stuck with a dance teacher for years!

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 17:17

I would take it as far as to say I was the highest paying parent in the club - my daughter was in both squads, and a soloist so had to have additionally 1:1 hourly training, my other daughter did two classes; and we were literally discussing days before that my youngest was ready to start competing in mini divisions which would have probably increased my fees to about £1800 a term - but not allowed to raise any issues lol, must pay silently

OP posts:
QuickPeachPoet · 11/02/2026 17:14

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 15:07

They are 6 and 10 - both absolutely obsessed with tumble, we have a 20ft mat out in the garden constantly and they live, eat and breath practicing their skills despite me urging them to give it a rest lol - however, I definitely agree its a chance to reconsider and let them explore some different activities to see if there is something they enjoy more. :)

At this age activities are meant to be fun, not something that is 'worked at'. Sadly you have come up against the toxic gymnastics/cheer world of mean girls (and by that I mean the adults running it). It's all about image and not at all about the kids.

Get them into something daft and enjoyable. Let them enjoy their childhood, play with toys, do sport for fun, not to work at. Not your fault but they re so easily impressionable at that age, and get it into their minds that they are going to be big champions. They're not two 17 year olds trying to secure a US cheer scholarship.

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 17:13

GreyBeeplus3 · 11/02/2026 16:52

AbFab1231
Cannot believe you had to ask
She didnt probably ever like you thinking the hike would be enough to push you out or you'd pay the £1400 whilst she'd hoodwink you not assuming you'd ever enquire about progress/general queries etc; so how dare you and this is why your girls were always the ones "caught short."
The communication between youse was rotten, she knew but didn't care,
The bluff dictator of a bullycow!
She's, as far as she's concerned showed muscle by removing your girls ( did she make a show of it?) Not caring about their upset.
So find another nicer club for your girls to join?
Let the madness run itself elsewhere over there

You know what - you're not the first person to say that she clearly didn't like me and that's the only reason they can think she would get rid of the kids over a parental disagreement.

As an adult and parent, it's like whatever; totally used to people doing outlandish things - but it's been really difficult watching the impact it's had on my girls who don't really get how such a big part of their lives has just come to an end no closure,

OP posts:
AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 17:10

Glitterybee · 11/02/2026 16:32

I feel your pain OP

My girls do competitive dance and it costs me £500 a month in fees for their classes. Additional costs like costumes, private coaching, competition entry fees, etc are extra on top.

The politics and drama is off the scale. There are parents who clash with the teachers, whereas I go with the flow to try not to make myself & the girls a target as I’ve seen children over the years punished because their parent spoke up against things.

Im counting down the days until my two finish at 18/19 and we are almost there, they’re 14 & 17 now (been doing this since they were 4 & 7)!

if we had our time again I would definitely try to find a nicer team with an owner that isn’t batshit crazy 🤪

Nearly there mama! lol!

It's so conflicting because it actually comes across like a really nice club (sure I've had two other issues - but they weren't huge issues and the only ones I've had in 4 years which I don't think is too bad) which I think is why I'm more shocked at the way she handled this?

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 11/02/2026 17:08

Another one who thinks you're better off out of it tbh, although I understand why you're unhappy for your dc, and agree it does raise wider issues about the overall governance of extra curricular clubs if parents are being disencouraged to not raise valid concerns.

Good luck to her trying to fill their spaces! Surely there can't be many people willing to pay that much a month!

Mangelwurzelfortea · 11/02/2026 17:03

£1,400 a term in fees is insane. YANBU.

Saz12 · 11/02/2026 17:00

House4DS · 11/02/2026 16:43

Someone else said similar about gymnastics.
£100 a month for 10 hrs per week
Plus comp fees
Are those costs normal for cheerleading?
How does anyone afford it?!

It depends on how many hours they do, and if they have private, one-to-one coaching.
But if you had professionally run club (ie one that's for profit, not relying on volunteers) the cost per hour would be similar. We're just so used to parent-run or subsidised clubs.

Mine has done similar, but 3 hours a week, no private classes, 1 competition is online (so v cheap) and then three other competitions a year. They use the same outfit for 3 years (minimum). Cost is around 150 a month (obviouslynot in summer), with another 400 on for competitions & extra comp practices. So, yes it's expensive!

ClaredeBear · 11/02/2026 16:56

I’m so sorry for your girls but it sounds like they’d be better off without this. It’s no way to run a group like that which operates on high morale and good will. I very much hope you find something else that they enjoy.

GreyBeeplus3 · 11/02/2026 16:52

AbFab1231
Cannot believe you had to ask
She didnt probably ever like you thinking the hike would be enough to push you out or you'd pay the £1400 whilst she'd hoodwink you not assuming you'd ever enquire about progress/general queries etc; so how dare you and this is why your girls were always the ones "caught short."
The communication between youse was rotten, she knew but didn't care,
The bluff dictator of a bullycow!
She's, as far as she's concerned showed muscle by removing your girls ( did she make a show of it?) Not caring about their upset.
So find another nicer club for your girls to join?
Let the madness run itself elsewhere over there

RandomMess · 11/02/2026 16:51

I am outraged on your behalf, DD has been at 2 clubs (simultaneously) both have elite teams and one is in a large city very competitive and has won come top in many of the most competitive divisions UK & abroad.

Neither are anywhere near the cost you have mentioned!

Over the decade there have been issues over various matters and they have always been dealt with professionally and kindly/calmly.

You are well out of it.

Training 5 times per week is ridiculous. Even for those competing at Worlds only had 4 hours team training per week!

blooooooor · 11/02/2026 16:51

The owner seems to think she’s Abby Lee Miller from Dance Moms lol

Find a better club :)

House4DS · 11/02/2026 16:43

Someone else said similar about gymnastics.
£100 a month for 10 hrs per week
Plus comp fees
Are those costs normal for cheerleading?
How does anyone afford it?!

Saz12 · 11/02/2026 16:43

It's meant to be fun! Closed sessions are fine IMO, but not being able to raise concerns is an issue. Though... the Uniform try on thing didn't impact you, so I can see why that didn't get a great response. The cost per hour is OK, but was there an option to join a less time-intensive team?

Try out at another place once the season is finished, but maybe look for somewhere that isn't results focused. See if they're members of a governing body. Or find a tumble-specific class at a gymnastics club, which should be a member of British Gymnastics.

Let them do whatever fun activities are safe and affordable.

adamduritzvocalchords · 11/02/2026 16:42

As an ex gymnast mum I would suggest moving in that direction you are jumping from the frying pan into the fire. It is so expensive, the equipment/comp leotards are expensive and the bitching and control by coaches are off the scale

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