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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset about daughters removal?

214 replies

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 13:54

I’m genuinely seeking the opinion of people who aren’t emotionally tied to this and am completely open to hearing if I’m in the wrong.
My daughters have been at the same cheer club for four years. I’ve always had what I thought was a good relationship with the head coach/owner, and she has genuinely helped my daughters develop.
Over the past year, training increased significantly, and so did the cost. What had been around £450 per term for both girls rose to around £1,400 per term. The owner acknowledged that this was a big jump and offered most parents monthly payment plans. I was paying just under £450 per month to keep the girls training.

Across four years, I’ve raised three concerns:

  1. Progression/communication – One year there were no competitions, and sessions are closed to parents. At the end-of-year showcase, my daughter performed the same routine she’d done the year before. I was confused, as I’d regularly asked how she was doing and had always been told sessions were good. I raised that I would have appreciated clearer communication if she was behind or not progressing as expected.
  2. Competition scheduling – At one competition, my daughter’s solo slot (and another child’s) was moved in a way that meant the rest of the team wouldn’t be present to support them. The owner said it would be unfair to expect other families to change travel plans. I understood that. However, she then said that if our girls didn’t support them before they flew back, they wouldn’t be allowed to compete. Myself and the other childs parents felt the expectations weren’t being applied consistently and raised that concern.
  3. Uniform reveal filming day – The club announced an exciting uniform reveal/photo day. However, children whose uniforms were still being paid off on instalments couldn’t take part despite it being a 'team event'. I queried this privately, saying I understood the business side but felt it could feel excluding to the majority of children whose parents were on payment plans (which had been offered to parents by the club to support affordability as costs were previously around £400 a term, but gone up to about £1400 just speaking for myself).

Following this, the owner said the club no longer felt like a fit for our family and ended both girls’ memberships. My daughters are devastated - I've been paying this years fees since September for a mix of tumble solo and Cheer team, cheer choreography camp, routine days, etc. Their first competition of this season is in March and she's removed them.

There were no safeguarding concerns, no aggression, no public confrontation – all concerns were raised privately and in writing.

So AIBU for raising these 3 concerns over time? Or does ending the children’s places feel disproportionate in this situation?

I genuinely want perspective.

OP posts:
AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 16:04

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She cant practice her routine at home - we don’t have the space unfortunately. She has a mat and can practice skills which she does, and will do the walk through of the routine but not the full thing - she didn’t mention it and I didn’t ask; reason I didn’t ask about it, being her end of showcase routine is always a surprise where it’s something they’ve put together specifically for that. So I was surprised but not for the right reasons lol.

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itsgettingweird · 12/02/2026 16:04

And I thought swimming was an expensive hobby!

I agree you need to find another team. £700 a term per child and costume costs on top is ridiculous.

MumOf4totstoteens · 12/02/2026 15:59

I bet cheer is quite a unique hobby is it? I’ve not heard of any classes in my area, certainly not at this level. My daughter has just started horse riding she’s only 3 and I have noticed this type of behaviour from them. It’s as if they know they are few and far between and that the kids clearly love the hobby and have made friends etc so they think they can treat you how they like! It’s shocking! I’d complain and ask for a copy of their complaints procedure and take it as high as you can. Your poor girls!

Tohold · 12/02/2026 15:57

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AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 15:53

SunnyUpNorth · 12/02/2026 15:44

What is it with cheer clubs?!! My daughter moved to one once from a different club that closed and it was crazy. It was so expensive, very demanding. She joined a rec team as she hadn’t done it for a while but they quickly realised she was good and asked her to fill a gap on their comp team. It was framed as we would be doing them a favour. Very quickly it was you have to buy tickets for all these events, you have to pay ££££ for costumes, attendance was mandatory and she couldn’t even miss training on her birthday, missing training would have to be approved in writing in advance but if missed more than one session they would be off the team etc. none of which was told to us before she joined the team. To make matters worse all the other girls were so bitchy and competitive so we cut our losses and left.

she joined a really really lovely dance school and does commercial and acro. I bet your girls would love acro. The school doesn’t really enter comps but there are one or two a year that the coach will send details of incase anyone wants to go. They do have a separate comp class but only a few do that. Most kids there are just doing it for the enjoyment of it without any pressure which is great.

I hope you find a lovely new activity for the girls that they can fully enjoy without all the politics and being ripped off.

I’ve heard so many horror stories in the last few days - i really didn’t know it was a thing!! Naive of me.

I’m so glad your daughter has found something she love. My girls are trying a new gymnastics club tonight which will be exciting.

OP posts:
AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 15:51

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If I’m honest, I wouldn’t know if other kids did the same performance but the truth is, when asked what the case was she said “yeah she didn’t make the progress I hoped she would and could have done with extra sessions to achieve them” - which was why I was annoyed because I ask you every session how she’s getting on and it was never mentioned there was a progress issue until after the annual showcase. The sessions are closed so there is no way for me to know how she’s getting on outside of shows and asking.

It was my daughter and another child who were doing solos with no team support. We both broached the subject and she fully understood but said she wasn’t moving on her “policy” so we complied to ensure they could stay in the future competitions.

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applebee33 · 12/02/2026 15:46

She sounds like a con artist ! I would have taken my girls out of there long ago !

SunnyUpNorth · 12/02/2026 15:44

What is it with cheer clubs?!! My daughter moved to one once from a different club that closed and it was crazy. It was so expensive, very demanding. She joined a rec team as she hadn’t done it for a while but they quickly realised she was good and asked her to fill a gap on their comp team. It was framed as we would be doing them a favour. Very quickly it was you have to buy tickets for all these events, you have to pay ££££ for costumes, attendance was mandatory and she couldn’t even miss training on her birthday, missing training would have to be approved in writing in advance but if missed more than one session they would be off the team etc. none of which was told to us before she joined the team. To make matters worse all the other girls were so bitchy and competitive so we cut our losses and left.

she joined a really really lovely dance school and does commercial and acro. I bet your girls would love acro. The school doesn’t really enter comps but there are one or two a year that the coach will send details of incase anyone wants to go. They do have a separate comp class but only a few do that. Most kids there are just doing it for the enjoyment of it without any pressure which is great.

I hope you find a lovely new activity for the girls that they can fully enjoy without all the politics and being ripped off.

Tohold · 12/02/2026 15:41

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AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 15:39

Tohold · 12/02/2026 15:28

Were you paying for the uniforms in installments? Or did you raise your concerns with her on behalf of other parents who were paying in instalments?

We were paying in instalments - I wouldn’t have said anything if it didn’t directly affect my kids - not in a “I don’t care about others way” but because it’s kind of taking painkillers for other peoples headaches

OP posts:
Tohold · 12/02/2026 15:28

Were you paying for the uniforms in installments? Or did you raise your concerns with her on behalf of other parents who were paying in instalments?

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 15:27

Quickchangenow · 12/02/2026 15:18

I reckon you have been a PITA and the business owner doesn’t have to put up with it so she hasn’t. I bet you are always raising issues with the school and doctors too so you think you can get away with it in all situations. Take an honest look at your own behaviour.

lol always one. Thank you for your opinion 🙂

OP posts:
Tohold · 12/02/2026 15:25

At the end-of-year showcase, my daughter performed the same routine she’d done the year before.

just your daughter or others?

just your daughter left without team support during her solo?

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 15:22

Tohold · 12/02/2026 15:13

You’ve been going 4 years and you only speak to a couple? Goodness I remember those endless gym sessions and the only thing that made it tolerable was chewing the fat with the other mums!

Edited

We literally don’t see each other. It’s closed sessions so we drop them and go. We literally see eachother at pick up and drop off for seconds. And then on comp days.

plus now that I think about it - a lot of these parents are new

OP posts:
Quickchangenow · 12/02/2026 15:18

I reckon you have been a PITA and the business owner doesn’t have to put up with it so she hasn’t. I bet you are always raising issues with the school and doctors too so you think you can get away with it in all situations. Take an honest look at your own behaviour.

Iamthesecrettraitor · 12/02/2026 15:17

It’s giving Dance Moms!!!

Viviennemary · 12/02/2026 15:14

They sound like total chancers. So what they've done isnt surprising. Find a different team for them to join. You could report them to Trading Standards.

Tohold · 12/02/2026 15:14

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 15:12

Totally. Although a week ago she removed a number of kids from the competition as their parents hadn’t paid comp fees. So I suspect it was actually an ideal time and she probably thought “sod it, I’m redoing the routine ANYWAY”

and these kids remain at the club?

She must be raking in money to be so relaxed about letting £450 monrh a go

Tohold · 12/02/2026 15:13

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 15:10

Yeah, I only speak to a couple. They’re in complete shock. It’s very awkward now I guess lol - between me and them I mean not them and the club

Edited

You’ve been going 4 years and you only speak to a couple? Goodness I remember those endless gym sessions and the only thing that made it tolerable was chewing the fat with the other mums!

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 15:12

Tohold · 12/02/2026 14:42

Unfortunately it indicates how much the coach wants you out of the club that she now has to completely redo the choreography

Totally. Although a week ago she removed a number of kids from the competition as their parents hadn’t paid comp fees. So I suspect it was actually an ideal time and she probably thought “sod it, I’m redoing the routine ANYWAY”

OP posts:
AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 15:10

Tohold · 12/02/2026 14:09

Have any of the other parents been in contact @AbFab1231 ?

Yeah, I only speak to a couple. They’re in complete shock. It’s very awkward now I guess lol - between me and them I mean not them and the club

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Tohold · 12/02/2026 14:42

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 10:40

Honestly, I thought the same. Absolutely blows my mind. Bare in mind they've been working on these routines since Sept/Oct.

Unfortunately it indicates how much the coach wants you out of the club that she now has to completely redo the choreography

Tohold · 12/02/2026 14:09

Have any of the other parents been in contact @AbFab1231 ?

PurpleThistle7 · 12/02/2026 14:04

MrsAvocet · 12/02/2026 11:17

I coach a completely different sport but what we were taught when I was doing my coaching qualifications is that a child should not be doing more hours per week than their age in years - and that's all sports that they do totalled, including school sports. It can seem like young children are indestructible and have boundless energy but the physical and mental risks of over training are real, and may not be apparent until much later. It's more than just the risk of acute injury, though that in itself is significant. Even pro atheletes are taught that recovery time is hugely important and growing bodies are more vulnerable. Obviously that's a ball park figure. It will be too much for some children and others will manage a bit more quite safely, but I think it is a good guide. I'd avoid a coach that is demanding significantly more of a child though.

This is actually a super helpful metric and around what my daughter is doing coincidentally (she's 13 though so almost adult sized). I wasn't sure if it had all become a bit much but she's happy and busy so seems it's within normal range.

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 13:24

Bluddyellfire · 12/02/2026 13:13

I'm not suggesting you grill the other parents or 'discuss anything openly', just asking if there are any other clubs anywhere in your vicinity? Your DDs may know which clubs their friends go to, you've mentioned athletics and other options/ sports, that's what I was asking about, simply is there anywhere else locally that might be more suitable for your DDs... Are you hanging on to this because you want Nasty Coach Woman to back down? I suspect that she'll drive that club into the ground first!

Edited

Ah sorry I wasn’t implying you were - just explaining I had no idea lol.

I’ve found two clubs that seem really good locally and have arranged trial days for the girls which they’re excited about. Definitely not waiting for her to back down - wouldn’t feel comfortable in her space now even if she did!

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