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AIBU?

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AIBU to be upset about daughters removal?

214 replies

AbFab1231 · 11/02/2026 13:54

I’m genuinely seeking the opinion of people who aren’t emotionally tied to this and am completely open to hearing if I’m in the wrong.
My daughters have been at the same cheer club for four years. I’ve always had what I thought was a good relationship with the head coach/owner, and she has genuinely helped my daughters develop.
Over the past year, training increased significantly, and so did the cost. What had been around £450 per term for both girls rose to around £1,400 per term. The owner acknowledged that this was a big jump and offered most parents monthly payment plans. I was paying just under £450 per month to keep the girls training.

Across four years, I’ve raised three concerns:

  1. Progression/communication – One year there were no competitions, and sessions are closed to parents. At the end-of-year showcase, my daughter performed the same routine she’d done the year before. I was confused, as I’d regularly asked how she was doing and had always been told sessions were good. I raised that I would have appreciated clearer communication if she was behind or not progressing as expected.
  2. Competition scheduling – At one competition, my daughter’s solo slot (and another child’s) was moved in a way that meant the rest of the team wouldn’t be present to support them. The owner said it would be unfair to expect other families to change travel plans. I understood that. However, she then said that if our girls didn’t support them before they flew back, they wouldn’t be allowed to compete. Myself and the other childs parents felt the expectations weren’t being applied consistently and raised that concern.
  3. Uniform reveal filming day – The club announced an exciting uniform reveal/photo day. However, children whose uniforms were still being paid off on instalments couldn’t take part despite it being a 'team event'. I queried this privately, saying I understood the business side but felt it could feel excluding to the majority of children whose parents were on payment plans (which had been offered to parents by the club to support affordability as costs were previously around £400 a term, but gone up to about £1400 just speaking for myself).

Following this, the owner said the club no longer felt like a fit for our family and ended both girls’ memberships. My daughters are devastated - I've been paying this years fees since September for a mix of tumble solo and Cheer team, cheer choreography camp, routine days, etc. Their first competition of this season is in March and she's removed them.

There were no safeguarding concerns, no aggression, no public confrontation – all concerns were raised privately and in writing.

So AIBU for raising these 3 concerns over time? Or does ending the children’s places feel disproportionate in this situation?

I genuinely want perspective.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/02/2026 20:40

@NewYearSameYou yes that sounds more familiar.

Showcase Dec, competition last week, some teams were in Dublin last month, erm another comp the end of the month and can’t remember after that now I’m not providing transportation anymore!!

NewYearSameYou · 12/02/2026 20:34

RandomMess · 12/02/2026 18:03

@NewYearSameYoume too never known a club start a routine in September for first competition in March!

March seems quite late to be starting competing...

Ours did their showcase end of November and were at first competition following December weekend... Our schedule is insane from here on out..

NewYearSameYou · 12/02/2026 20:30

Fair enough! Mine is happy where she is right now; not all clubs are a good fit for every child, though. x

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 18:03

NewYearSameYou · 12/02/2026 18:00

I want to know what cheer club @AbFab1231 😂

looool no chance. I actually wish them no harm, I'm sure they'll do just fine without us - I just wanted unbiased clarity :)

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/02/2026 18:03

@NewYearSameYoume too never known a club start a routine in September for first competition in March!

NewYearSameYou · 12/02/2026 18:00

I want to know what cheer club @AbFab1231 😂

RandomMess · 12/02/2026 17:47

My DD did a lot of Cheer and Dance and Guides for many years, helped keep her ADHD in check.

Tohold · 12/02/2026 17:30

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PurpleThistle7 · 12/02/2026 17:26

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 17:16

Exactly this!!!

What works for some kids doesn’t work for others and I don’t get the sort of judgments passed for the kids being busy doing things they really love and are good at.

My son plays football too and so like you that’s most evenings it’s football for him and then the girls doing their tumble/cheer.

I find that other families with the same dynamic get it but to others it sounds crazy which I get too.

It’s definitely more doable as we prioritised location when choosing activities - we have one car and both work full time so can’t be running around in different directions. When there’s a taekwando or dance comp it gets a bit silly but otherwise it’s fine. And honestly now that my daughter is 13 we don’t really need her stomping around the house being grumpy any more than she is now lol

She also has a maths tutor on the weekends while I’m at football with my son. Still leaves all Sunday from lunch time, most Saturdays and lots of school holidays to do whatever else we want.

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 17:16

PurpleThistle7 · 12/02/2026 17:11

What works for some kids doesn’t work at all for others. My kids have activities almost every evening. We prioritise down time on the weekends sometimes, but they are thriving with a busy schedule. I pushed back for years on my daughter doing more dance (used to keep her to twice a week) but I let her choose (up to a set budget) this year and she’s so happy with it. She struggles socially and doesn’t really hang out casually with her friends often - she’s much happier doing dance with them and being busy.

My son has football or taekwando most evenings but that leaves hours for playing out and whining for screen time and reading books. He doesn’t need any more time for any of that. It’s 90 mins total for him an evening as everything is close by and he gets ready in less than a minute. More faffing for my daughter with hair and whatnot but it’s still much better than her sitting around on her phone for hours.

Exactly this!!!

What works for some kids doesn’t work for others and I don’t get the sort of judgments passed for the kids being busy doing things they really love and are good at.

My son plays football too and so like you that’s most evenings it’s football for him and then the girls doing their tumble/cheer.

I find that other families with the same dynamic get it but to others it sounds crazy which I get too.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 12/02/2026 17:11

SaturdayNext · 12/02/2026 16:29

It's not just 90 minutes, though, is it? If you're older child is doing the cheer club thing 5 days a week, then she's doing the tuition and other activities on top of that - to say nothing of the time she spends being ferried to and from the various venues, changing into and out of specialist clothes, showering etc. She presumably has to do homework as well as tuition, and all of this is on top of a busy day at school. And, it is to be hoped, at some point in there they get to have a meal.

When do they get a good long time to rest and decompress, unwind from the day, talk the day through with you and each other, and just relax?

What works for some kids doesn’t work at all for others. My kids have activities almost every evening. We prioritise down time on the weekends sometimes, but they are thriving with a busy schedule. I pushed back for years on my daughter doing more dance (used to keep her to twice a week) but I let her choose (up to a set budget) this year and she’s so happy with it. She struggles socially and doesn’t really hang out casually with her friends often - she’s much happier doing dance with them and being busy.

My son has football or taekwando most evenings but that leaves hours for playing out and whining for screen time and reading books. He doesn’t need any more time for any of that. It’s 90 mins total for him an evening as everything is close by and he gets ready in less than a minute. More faffing for my daughter with hair and whatnot but it’s still much better than her sitting around on her phone for hours.

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 17:11

jussieh · 12/02/2026 16:57

You can report this club to the governing body. This is totally unacceptable behaviour. The one that governs the four in the uk is Sport Cheer uk.

Thank you for the info x

OP posts:
AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 17:07

SaturdayNext · 12/02/2026 16:29

It's not just 90 minutes, though, is it? If you're older child is doing the cheer club thing 5 days a week, then she's doing the tuition and other activities on top of that - to say nothing of the time she spends being ferried to and from the various venues, changing into and out of specialist clothes, showering etc. She presumably has to do homework as well as tuition, and all of this is on top of a busy day at school. And, it is to be hoped, at some point in there they get to have a meal.

When do they get a good long time to rest and decompress, unwind from the day, talk the day through with you and each other, and just relax?

The venue is 5 minutes from my house. We’re home by 6.30 on activity days…many children are just getting home from after school club at that time - what on earth is the difference except she’s doing something she actively chose and loves. Tuition is twice a week for 30 minutes on non-cheer days. Again - doesn’t work for everyone I get it; but it worked for mine.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 12/02/2026 17:07

SaturdayNext · 12/02/2026 16:29

It's not just 90 minutes, though, is it? If you're older child is doing the cheer club thing 5 days a week, then she's doing the tuition and other activities on top of that - to say nothing of the time she spends being ferried to and from the various venues, changing into and out of specialist clothes, showering etc. She presumably has to do homework as well as tuition, and all of this is on top of a busy day at school. And, it is to be hoped, at some point in there they get to have a meal.

When do they get a good long time to rest and decompress, unwind from the day, talk the day through with you and each other, and just relax?

Wve

jussieh · 12/02/2026 16:57

You can report this club to the governing body. This is totally unacceptable behaviour. The one that governs the four in the uk is Sport Cheer uk.

SaturdayNext · 12/02/2026 16:29

AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 07:07

You question my parenting because my children who have 5 hours between the end of school and bedtime, spend approximately 90 minutes on additional activities on some days? Tutoring is no different than her sitting and doing 30 minutes of homework - except she gains more. Baring in mind kids are only in school 190 days out of the year mind you.

It’s a bit silly making judgments like that, not knowing us at all because my kids more than get to be kids. The question was about this situation - if you have an opinion on that I’d be happy to hear it.

It's not just 90 minutes, though, is it? If you're older child is doing the cheer club thing 5 days a week, then she's doing the tuition and other activities on top of that - to say nothing of the time she spends being ferried to and from the various venues, changing into and out of specialist clothes, showering etc. She presumably has to do homework as well as tuition, and all of this is on top of a busy day at school. And, it is to be hoped, at some point in there they get to have a meal.

When do they get a good long time to rest and decompress, unwind from the day, talk the day through with you and each other, and just relax?

BurtsBeefCrisps · 12/02/2026 16:29

We left Cheer because we didn’t like the vibe and pressure and my daughter now competes in trampolining. There’s loads of opportunities to compete, the cost is reasonable and I pay around £130 a month for 4 hours training a week. I think there’s too much pressure in many clubs and also saw a lack of robust safe guarding.

Tohold · 12/02/2026 16:17

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AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 16:15

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Yep, each to their own. I have explained though why I didn’t ask her about the end of year showcase solo. It’s not the same as her performance solos where we go through them meticulously together.

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Tohold · 12/02/2026 16:10

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AbFab1231 · 12/02/2026 16:08

MumOf4totstoteens · 12/02/2026 15:59

I bet cheer is quite a unique hobby is it? I’ve not heard of any classes in my area, certainly not at this level. My daughter has just started horse riding she’s only 3 and I have noticed this type of behaviour from them. It’s as if they know they are few and far between and that the kids clearly love the hobby and have made friends etc so they think they can treat you how they like! It’s shocking! I’d complain and ask for a copy of their complaints procedure and take it as high as you can. Your poor girls!

Exactly that - It’s literally no skin off their nose to remove you and so it breeds an environment where people are scared to speak up which isn’t right - and if you do speak up, you’re considered the probably like a previous commenter said I was a pain lolol

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