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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the age of consent should be raised to 18 if there is a significant age gap?

159 replies

Waitingforthesunnydays · 08/02/2026 11:16

Watched a documentary recently where a 16-year-old girl was preyed on by a 24-year-old man online. He was controlling and abusive and convinced her to move hundreds of miles away from her family with him. Obviously, being 16, she thought she was in love and didn’t see the abuse for what it was. Her mum and the police could do nothing about it cos she was 16. Made me think, AIBU to think the age of consent should be 18 if one of the people involved is more than 4 or 5 years older than the other? Makes sense to me. Lots of 16 year olds are so naive and inexperienced and have no idea how to spot abusive behaviour. Many have a romanised idea of love and think the behaviour is a sign of being in love rather than control & abuse

OP posts:
Thechaseison71 · 08/02/2026 14:34

Waitingforthesunnydays · 08/02/2026 14:15

As I said upthread, it’s not about criminalising teenagers for having sex. Don’t think some posters, also @Thechaseison71 are reading my posts properly. I didn’t know anyone who was still a virgin by 18 either. I lost my virginity at 15, but it was with my 16 year old, equally clueless boyfriend. There was no power imbalance and I wasn’t being taken advantage of. The law would be designed to protect 16 & 17 year olds from much older men who prey on young girls, criminalising the adults, not the teenagers. These men are often abusive and controlling, that’s why they specifically look for young girls rather than women their own age, because they know they can get away with their behaviour because the girls are too young to know better. I’m sure they’d have no problem (would rather in some cases) date 14 & 15 year olds but don’t take the risk cos they know they could get in trouble with the law. If the age was raised to 18 with say, no more than a 6 year age difference then it would stop a lot of 16/17 year olds being preyed on by these losers. Not all, there’ll always be some men that don’t give a fuck & are willing to take the risk, but it will still make a significant difference I think. Loads of European countries have similar laws. And the whole “but where does it stop?” argument doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It has to stop somewhere, that’s the whole point of having an age of consent, and that age has to be an age at which the majority of people are considered old enough not just to consent, but to be able to emotionally handle a sexual relationship. Obviously that won’t include everyone, there are some very mature, switched-on 16 year olds but also many that have no experience of relationship dynamics or life outside school. You can only ever go with the majority. IMO an 18 yo dating a 27 yo is on a much more even playing field than a 16 year old dating a 25 year old. I know I’d be extremely uncomfortable if my DD was dating a 25 yo at 16. I wouldn’t love it if she was dating a 27 yo at 18 either but I’d feel a bit more reassured that she had a bit more life experience to be able to advocate for herself better

Same as the dutch system i mentioned earlier then? I was replying to Pollyannas simple post saying they should raise consent to 18, nothing else

TeenagersAngst · 08/02/2026 14:23

Waitingforthesunnydays · 08/02/2026 12:01

Voting isn’t going to result in potential rape and life-long psychological damage. The legal age to marry is now 18 in England and Wales (like it always should’ve been). Keep up

I think the point that poster was making is whether you are mature enough at 16 to make significant decisions. No need to be so condescending.

soupyspoon · 08/02/2026 14:19

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 08/02/2026 14:15

You'd have to if it went to court. But I imagine the police could have an advisory chat with the bloke in question whatever the girl says, which might make him think twice (or might not😥).

It wouldnt. They wouldnt be able to talk to him and have a 'chat'. On what basis if the girl makes no allegations? Whats the crime or chat about?

How would it go to court if there are no allegations and therefore no arrest or charges applicable?

PeopleLikeColdplayYouCantTrustPeopleJez · 08/02/2026 14:17

Tbh from what I know, the current law is not enforced as it could or should be. Especially since if the young person doesn’t want to cooperate with charges being brought against their older sexual partner.

Maybe we as a society should spend more time teaching our young people about healthy, equal relationships.

Waitingforthesunnydays · 08/02/2026 14:15

Kimura · 08/02/2026 13:45

Raising the age of consent isn't going to stop teenagers having sex. It's just going to criminalise them.

As I said upthread, it’s not about criminalising teenagers for having sex. Don’t think some posters, also @Thechaseison71 are reading my posts properly. I didn’t know anyone who was still a virgin by 18 either. I lost my virginity at 15, but it was with my 16 year old, equally clueless boyfriend. There was no power imbalance and I wasn’t being taken advantage of. The law would be designed to protect 16 & 17 year olds from much older men who prey on young girls, criminalising the adults, not the teenagers. These men are often abusive and controlling, that’s why they specifically look for young girls rather than women their own age, because they know they can get away with their behaviour because the girls are too young to know better. I’m sure they’d have no problem (would rather in some cases) date 14 & 15 year olds but don’t take the risk cos they know they could get in trouble with the law. If the age was raised to 18 with say, no more than a 6 year age difference then it would stop a lot of 16/17 year olds being preyed on by these losers. Not all, there’ll always be some men that don’t give a fuck & are willing to take the risk, but it will still make a significant difference I think. Loads of European countries have similar laws. And the whole “but where does it stop?” argument doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It has to stop somewhere, that’s the whole point of having an age of consent, and that age has to be an age at which the majority of people are considered old enough not just to consent, but to be able to emotionally handle a sexual relationship. Obviously that won’t include everyone, there are some very mature, switched-on 16 year olds but also many that have no experience of relationship dynamics or life outside school. You can only ever go with the majority. IMO an 18 yo dating a 27 yo is on a much more even playing field than a 16 year old dating a 25 year old. I know I’d be extremely uncomfortable if my DD was dating a 25 yo at 16. I wouldn’t love it if she was dating a 27 yo at 18 either but I’d feel a bit more reassured that she had a bit more life experience to be able to advocate for herself better

OP posts:
AstonScrapingsNameChange · 08/02/2026 14:15

soupyspoon · 08/02/2026 14:10

You'd have to prove they're having sex wouldnt you

How would you do that if the girl says they're not.

You'd have to if it went to court. But I imagine the police could have an advisory chat with the bloke in question whatever the girl says, which might make him think twice (or might not😥).

soupyspoon · 08/02/2026 14:10

Waitingforthesunnydays · 08/02/2026 11:23

Well in a situation I described at least, the man could be prosecuted and that would stop them being able to have a relationship- in the same way that an adult man who grooms a 15-year-old for sex online would be

You'd have to prove they're having sex wouldnt you

How would you do that if the girl says they're not.

FellowSuffereroftheAbsurd · 08/02/2026 14:08

It is already the law where legal consent is restricted by authority until 18, so if one party has legally recognised authority, responsibility or in a position of trust over the other, then the other person cannot consent so there is already a step towards recognising 16 and 17 year olds are vulnerable (though people tend to forget that 16 and 17 year olds can be in that position of authority).

I'm not against the idea of adding in legal consent restricted by age difference for teenagers, there are plenty of places with those laws alongside legal consent with restriction by authority as we have and unrestricted legal consent though I'm not certain where to draw the line on it or convinced how much it would solve this type of issue beyond what current laws do.

You’ve got to draw the line somewhere though. 18 at least means you have two more years of being an “adult”. You’re not in school anymore, might have had a bit of experience of working, met a much bigger cross section of people, are more likely to have had at least one relationship. You couldn’t really make the age any older than 18

Except the school leaving age has been raised to 18 in England, and even before and beyond that, there are plenty of 18 year olds in schools. There have been issues raised around how safeguarding guidelines including KCSIE on paper leave out 18 year old students. More schools are catching up and ensuring it's in their safeguarding guidelines, and personally, I'd like those KCSIE to be changed to recognise and ensure protection of all pupils, including 18 year old Year 13s, are equally protected.

And if we're going on laws in other countries as examples for changing ours, there are examples where the unrestricted legal consent is above 18, largely brought in because of issues in schools and sports where predatory types were targeting 18 year olds still in school or junior sports. I've seen unrestricted legal consent as high as 21, working alongside legal consent restricted by age differences for those younger and legal consent restricted by authority. They're usually brought in when something really bad has happened that enough people want to prevent happening again.

You either believe you can consent, or not. You can’t really say you can consent at 16 to sex with another 16 year old, but not a 19 year old. And what would the line be? What is “okay”? 16 & 18 okay, 16 & 19 not okay?

The law already does that - a 16 or 17 year old cannot legally consent to a 19 year old - or even another 16 or 17 year old - who has legally recognised authority over them. This does happen - there are 16 and 17 year olds who are apprentice TAs who work at secondary schools and sixth forms and so have legally recognised authority over those pupils.

In England, we already have varying types of consent. We have literal consent at 13, legal consent restricted by authority at 16, and unrestricted legal consent at 18 currently in place in law, as well as varying laws that that have been previously which can still be invoked if the crime happened at a time those laws were in force. When we have long-term perpetrators, we can end up dealing with 2-3 sets of charges to cover the time span.

Any new changes that bring in legal consent by age differences would be added onto that, as they have in many places. What is legally determined is okay I think would take a long debate - and likely something seriously wrong happening that gets a lot of visible attention that makes brings public pressure to react, much like our current laws around legal consent restricted by authority. Or if public opinion really swung in that direction - I think there is some cultural push in this direction.

InterestedDad37 · 08/02/2026 14:01

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 08/02/2026 11:56

Many have a romanised idea of love

There’s nothing wrong with a Romanised view of love, but I’m afraid she may have to join a legion to get citizenship. It’s not just “love a Roman, marry a Roman, be welcomed by the Empire” anymore.

Veni, vidi, amavi 🙂

holycrapballs · 08/02/2026 13:53

I’m not sure if changing the age of consent is the answer but I do think some kind of nuance in legislation would probably be helpful. I really don’t know what the answer is so reading with interest.

holycrapballs · 08/02/2026 13:51

Littlebitpsycho · 08/02/2026 11:29

I don't know...I was 17 when I met my exH and he was nearly 27. We were together 10 years, married for 4 and had a DD who is now 14. He wasn't abusive and I wasn't coerced.

I think there are just too many variables and 2 different rules makes it too complex. I wouldn't be averse to the age of consent being 18 but it would be completely impossible to enforce (as is the current 16 limit) so what's the point

I’m not here to deny your experience or tell you your relationship was in any way abusive because I don’t know and it’s your relationship and your story.

But, I cannot and will not ever believe that a relationship between a 17 year old and someone ten years older is ok.

I would always be worried about a teenager dating someone 3 years off 30.

27 and 37= fine probably. Both adults, both had some life experience and whilst they are at different stages I’d be less concerned.

I had a couple of age gap relationships and at the time would have fought and argued to defend them but as an adult, I know they were unhealthy and wrong. The men had absolutely no business having sex with a teenager and pretending this was all normal and grown up. It wasn’t and I’m furious that I and many other teen girls were not protected and safeguarded because ‘it was a different time’ and it was apparently ok for adult men to fuck teenagers.

Thechaseison71 · 08/02/2026 13:50

Pollyanna87 · 08/02/2026 13:41

Because anyone younger than 18 is a minor. The age of consent being lower than the age of majority is outright wrong.

So its a case of now criminalizing the majority of teenagers if you do that.

Kimura · 08/02/2026 13:45

Pollyanna87 · 08/02/2026 13:41

Because anyone younger than 18 is a minor. The age of consent being lower than the age of majority is outright wrong.

Raising the age of consent isn't going to stop teenagers having sex. It's just going to criminalise them.

Jellybunny56 · 08/02/2026 13:45

Pollyanna87 · 08/02/2026 13:41

Because anyone younger than 18 is a minor. The age of consent being lower than the age of majority is outright wrong.

Except that at 17 you can live independently, work a full time job, drive a car and consent to your own medical treatments… but if you had it your way you could do all of that but not decide who you have sex with?

Pollyanna87 · 08/02/2026 13:41

Thechaseison71 · 08/02/2026 13:39

Why?

Because anyone younger than 18 is a minor. The age of consent being lower than the age of majority is outright wrong.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2026 13:41

Thechaseison71 · 08/02/2026 13:35

Dont the netherlands have a similar thing. Like not prosectuing a pair of consenting 15 year olds but its a bigger deal if one partner much older

A lot of countries have so-called Romeo and Juliet clauses.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2026 13:40

"You’re not in school anymore"

Eh? I know some people go to college, but you can also stay at school for sixth form and it's more and more common to stay on at school, surely?

Thechaseison71 · 08/02/2026 13:39

Pollyanna87 · 08/02/2026 11:42

The age of consent should be 18 regardless.

Why?

Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2026 13:39

Needmorelego · 08/02/2026 13:06

To be honest if a 16 year old is that naive at 16 will much have changed by 18?
I was fairly immature at 16 AND at 18.

This is the problem with the argument. Where does it stop? 21? 25?
Is a 20 year old worldly enough? Probably not really, but the line has to be drawn somewhere.

Thechaseison71 · 08/02/2026 13:38

Waitingforthesunnydays · 08/02/2026 13:02

That could be another option, it being 18 across the board. Obviously most teenagers are going to have sex before 18 but, as with teenagers who have sex before 16 now, the law turns a blind eye if it’s with someone a similar age. At least that’d mean full grown men who know women their own age won’t put up with their controlling, abusive behaviour, so look to date naive 16 year olds instead, could be much more easily prosecuted than they would be if it was legal and they were trying to prosecute for the behaviour alone

Im not sure i knew ANYONE who was still a virgin at 18. Quite a few people i knew we married by then

Jellybunny56 · 08/02/2026 13:37

Waitingforthesunnydays · 08/02/2026 13:32

How is it anymore unenforceable & unworkable that the current law is? (Which does frequently catch men having sexual conversations with 14 & 15 year olds or arranging to meet for sex). At least, as a parent, if you know your 15 yo daughter is in a relationship with a 27 year old man you can report it and he will be arrested and the relationship will stop. How would it be unenforceable if you had a 16 yo daughter in a relationship with 27 yo man and you reported it? The exact same thing would happen. Whether you agree with it or not, I don’t see how it would be any more unenforceable than the current law because the age has changed

The thing is, as a policy choice, how practical is it really? And does it make sense? If it was done as you suggest then it would potentially turn lots of people in perfectly normal and healthy relationships into serious sex offenders. Do you really think a 20 year old in a relationship with a 16 year old, that is healthy, should be automatically placed into the same category legally as a rapist?

There are already laws and protections in place for abusive relationships, and for those in positions of trust/power.

Thechaseison71 · 08/02/2026 13:35

Dont the netherlands have a similar thing. Like not prosectuing a pair of consenting 15 year olds but its a bigger deal if one partner much older

Waitingforthesunnydays · 08/02/2026 13:32

JasmineTea11 · 08/02/2026 13:25

Exactly.

How is it anymore unenforceable & unworkable that the current law is? (Which does frequently catch men having sexual conversations with 14 & 15 year olds or arranging to meet for sex). At least, as a parent, if you know your 15 yo daughter is in a relationship with a 27 year old man you can report it and he will be arrested and the relationship will stop. How would it be unenforceable if you had a 16 yo daughter in a relationship with 27 yo man and you reported it? The exact same thing would happen. Whether you agree with it or not, I don’t see how it would be any more unenforceable than the current law because the age has changed

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2026 13:26

Littlebitpsycho · 08/02/2026 11:29

I don't know...I was 17 when I met my exH and he was nearly 27. We were together 10 years, married for 4 and had a DD who is now 14. He wasn't abusive and I wasn't coerced.

I think there are just too many variables and 2 different rules makes it too complex. I wouldn't be averse to the age of consent being 18 but it would be completely impossible to enforce (as is the current 16 limit) so what's the point

And Macron married his teacher.
I don't think we can draw that many conclusions from things that happened in the past.

JasmineTea11 · 08/02/2026 13:25

ValidPistachio · 08/02/2026 11:26

Totally unenforceable and unworkable.

Exactly.

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