To think the age of consent should be raised to 18 if there is a significant age gap?

I don't think it's a good idea. That age gap doesn't necessarily mean abuse is going on and it gives a confusing message to young people aged 16-28.

I actually don’t disagree with you here. I can only speak for myself for that one particular circumstance. It is not the only relationship I’ve been in with an age gap (including at present), but this absolutely was grooming (buying a 15 year old alcohol for the purposes of a sexual relationship), and it really messed me up.

Two years ago my son and I were the same ages as myself and the man were at that time, and it churned my stomach to realise that, especially when one of his friends developed a crush on me.

I’m surprised there’s so much push back. In some USA states they have this with Romeo and Juliet provisions so if the age gap is 2-4 years it’s fine. There also should be laws about people in authority with younger children - not sure if there is but there was a case of a 16 year old moving in with her 40 something old teacher. The school let go of him but that was all that could be done as there was nothing illegal. The is was a few years ago so not sure of anything has changed.

Half your age plus seven should be the law.

Nope Over the age of consent is just that. 👍. Not everyone going with someone older has been groomed.

Ok @DuckiewasthefirstniceguyI will have a go at doing that too. Thank you so much 🌺

I think you should start a new thread. This is an old one, so your post might not be seen.

Off to read your article. 💗

Hi all

I hope you don’t mind me posting on this, I haven’t been on Mumsnet for years so forgive me if I get the etiquette wrong. I have been writing about age of consent based on personal experience, and someone pointed me in this direction.

I have a child who is now older than I was when I was groomed as a 15 year old, which is partly what motivated me to address something that happened well over 20 years ago now but has affected my life ever since. I am interested in people’s opinions, and have enjoyed reading the comments on this thread.

I would just like to leave this link to an open letter I wrote to the man who groomed me in case anyone is interested or has any ideas. Please do share.

Thank you 🙏🏽

https://medium.com/women-write/the-grey-area-i-was-15-when-you-first-kissed-me-and-you-were-37-98231ffd6a87

I am honestly thankful that I met him at 15. It’s lovely now as our kids are all grown up and flown the nest, having lovely lives.
My kids are both in solid relationships at 21 and 27. His daughter is too at 31.
i don’t think increasing the age of consent would be a good thing. 15/16 yr old will always have sex.

When I was 15 I had a relationship with a 26 yr old man. He used to pick me up from school. We’d go out to pubs and clubs (no ID needed then). My mum found out and contacted my school to report him. I told the teacher and my parents that I wouldn’t stop seeing him. He was lovely and never did anything wrong to me. He never hurt me in any way. We lost touch when I started going away travelling and didn’t communicate for decades. He got married and had a child. I got married and had two children. I incidentally saw him at a funeral about 8 years ago and we stayed in touch via FB. I was divorced and he was separated. We met up a few times just for walks/coffee.
Last year, I contacted him as I needed help to escape a DV situation (man I’d lived with for a year) and he did help me.
Now, I’m 54, he’s 65 and we are back together. My parents now adore him, like I do.

I think marrying at 18 is also a terrible idea. But I think establishing the age of consent and age of legal marriage towards the end of the teenage years establishes the idea that the state and society does not sanction very young marriage. It won't eliminate abuse but it just sets a benchmark for what we expect for our young women.

@Thepeopleversuswork but you could marry a bad husband at 18 if that was the minimum age. I don't think 16 are 18 are that different in maturity.
Voting can have a massive effect on future life. I expect many of ordinary Germans who voted for the National Socialist party in 1933 weren't expecting the life it led too.

I mean much as I think voting is important at a societal level, one vote cast for one bad party will have less impact on your life than marrying an abuser, a paedophile, a cheat or a ne'er do well when you're 16.

Yes you can divorce. But being preoccupied with a husband and small children at a time when you're still learning about the world yourself wipes out so much of the most important and formative years of your life. Even if the husband turns out to be benign. And then you've wasted so much time.

By the time you emerge with a sound sense of who you are and what you want from life you will have sunk years away, likely without an education, work experience or just the experience of being young and free. It takes a lot of motivation and focus to pull yourself back from this sort of a start in life and most women don't have it.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Really though....what is the difference (in maturity) between and 16/17 year old "schoolgirl" and an 18 year old "schoolgirl" (which many 18 year olds are).
Where would you then start drawing another line.
18 if you have left school and have a job or are at university but not 18 if you are still at the local girls school that makes you wear a childish uniform?
But both are 18 (and can vote, go to war, marry, drink alcohol etc).

I agree with the OP. I'd like it to be simple, and the penalty being that you are on the sex offenders register for a period of time.

😂I've already said on this thread that I've never been attracted to anyone my age, only older. But don't let facts get in the way of your totally invented stories (typical MN!)

Thank you!

This! Just because you met your weirdo of a man/ husband when you were a child, doesn’t make it ok. If you can’t look at teenage boys at the age your partner was when he met you and find them attractive then it’s not normal. We ALL met and had experiences with older men as teens and most of us can now see how disgusting it was and how no decent women, their own age would have gone near them. They felt more comfortable with us as we were easy targets, easy to manipulate, naive children. End of.

Ok, fair enough. So a 16 yo can only have sex with someone upto 18, 20? I'm just not sure how they could choose an appropriate cut off point.

But I agree a 25 yo adult shouldn't be dating a 16 yo. And if that stops it then that's good.

@Butchyrestingface

I agree with your points, but I'm fine with the age of consent staying at 16.

As you say, there gets a point where you can't just keep legislating against what people are consensually, wilfully and happily doing.

I believe the law should also be based on whether actual harm is taking place.

Some people may find an 18-year-old and a 35-year-old in a relationship to be morally repugnant, but that's their personal, subjective view. It doesn't make that relationship objectively immoral. If both parties are happy and consenting, then the relationship is not harmful and so it's really nobody else's business.

Laws against abuse in general would cover abusive relationships between adults.

Thank goodness for modern times...

I doubt it would work. Relationships of any age gap can be coercive and controlling so how would it be policed?

Your opinion is irrelevant because it’s not based on fact. I assumed you were trolling but it seems you seriously believe that children are grown adults. I can only assume that you’re very young and naive yourself. Or perhaps defensive due to your personal circumstances. Maybe you’re a grown adult attracted to 16 year olds?

They are called 'Romeo and Juliet laws' more common in the USA. They mainly allow for teenagers who are underage, not be prosecuted for consensual sex.

It could be enforced the same way as the current law.