Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let teenage daughter not come to 6 told DB party

155 replies

Charlotte350 · 07/02/2026 11:42

To not let DD 15 attend 6 year old DB party
Last year I booked a little village hall party with a bouncy castle for my little one's birthday party, however my DD nearly 15 has said she didn't enjoy it and didn't want to attend a kids party again after I booked one again coming up next month. My DM who I am low contact with has reached out to DD by messaging her to go on a shopping trip with her the day before my son's birthday and said she will book the following day off (DS 6th birthday) and take DD out for fancy meal if she like to stop with her. DH is not very happy and thinks DM has done it on purpose, and that DD should be there for DS birthday party, I have spoken to him and said that DD will still see DS just later on that day. DD really doesn't want to go and said she will just hide away in the kitchen looking at her phone to avoid all the little kids. I don't believe in forcing her to come if she doesn't want to but DH said I can decide, but I don't think he's particularly happy if she doesn't attend and think she should be there. I'm just wanting some advice on wwyd in this situation?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 27/06/2026 23:21

I excluded my sons based purely on gender! It was a girly princess party and didn’t need their boy energy in it - and they didn’t want to come! It’s about the birthday boy/girl - not the siblings.

What on earth would be achieved by forcing someone to go to a party they didn’t want to go to and the birthday person didn’t particularly want them at. Waste of time and money

Thesnailonthewhale · 11/02/2026 06:46

Slawbans · 09/02/2026 19:50

Just pay her to help , problem solved?

😂

T1Dmama · 11/02/2026 00:30

Also why can’t DH help with the catering?

T1Dmama · 11/02/2026 00:29

Charlotte350 · 09/02/2026 15:15

DH has said since that he just wanted DD to go and help me with the catering and doesn't think I should be doing it all and that it's not a big deal, he's even said she could take a friend and have ago on the bouncy castle before all the kids arrived

Let her fo shopping with your DM… but please pick her up that evening and don’t allow the sleepover.
Your mother sounds like she has a personality disorder (look it up).. I don’t doubt that she thinks inviting your DD out that particular weekend will upset you, that’s why she’s doing it… so be sure to thank her and say it’s a great help!! 🤣
I also wouldn’t put it past your mother to try to get your DD drunk or buy her a vape… so I’d definitely discourage the over nights or prolonged visits!

ThatBlackCat · 09/02/2026 22:02

Charlotte350 · 09/02/2026 15:15

DH has said since that he just wanted DD to go and help me with the catering and doesn't think I should be doing it all and that it's not a big deal, he's even said she could take a friend and have ago on the bouncy castle before all the kids arrived

Why can't he get off his arse and help his own wife and mother of his son? Or does he think catering is 'wimmins work' so thinks as a girl your DD should be helping? The more you post about him the more he comes across as a misogynistic pig! I'd be fucking reading him the riot act for that catering comment!

Slawbans · 09/02/2026 19:50

Just pay her to help , problem solved?

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 18:27

What's he doing when you're doing it all?

beAsensible1 · 09/02/2026 17:18

Charlotte350 · 09/02/2026 15:15

DH has said since that he just wanted DD to go and help me with the catering and doesn't think I should be doing it all and that it's not a big deal, he's even said she could take a friend and have ago on the bouncy castle before all the kids arrived

Why can’t he do that job? That seems like
a parent job. A 15 min jump in a bouncy castle isn’t that enticing to spend all day assisting at a kids party. When she’s got a day out with her GM as a counter offer

soupyspoon · 09/02/2026 15:56

Charlotte350 · 09/02/2026 15:15

DH has said since that he just wanted DD to go and help me with the catering and doesn't think I should be doing it all and that it's not a big deal, he's even said she could take a friend and have ago on the bouncy castle before all the kids arrived

So she is the little minion, what he is doing?

Original poster
Charlotte350 · 09/02/2026 15:15

DH has said since that he just wanted DD to go and help me with the catering and doesn't think I should be doing it all and that it's not a big deal, he's even said she could take a friend and have ago on the bouncy castle before all the kids arrived

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 09/02/2026 15:06

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 14:51

This is how you end up with 15-year-old who can't peel a bloody potato

Show quote history

Oh dont be daft, thats why you have jobs for kids along the way, specific jobs that you support them to do at any one time when you have the time and inclination to over see them. Johnny at 10, you do potatoes every sunday, that is your job. Mary at 10, you do the bed change and turn on the washing machine that is your job

But kids milling around, getting in the way of a grown ups job when it needs to be done in a timely way, not really.

Lockdownsceptic · 09/02/2026 15:01

What is a 15 year old going to do at the party? You are being unreasonable even thinking about making her go if she doesn’t want to. It would be different if she wanted to practice her cooking or childcare skills and could be treated as one of the grown ups but this obviously is not her thing. So let her have a good time with Granny and make sure she gives her brother a good present.

MajorProcrastination · 09/02/2026 14:59

She shouldn't be forced to go to the 6 year old's party.

Thechaseison71 · 09/02/2026 14:58

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 14:49

Oh well in that case let's just let them never take part in anything...

...no point letting them make a cake, I can do it quicker and easier ... No point in bothering to let them help cut up cucumber, they can't do it neatly or quickly enough... No point in them helping with anything at all!!

Show quote history

Strangely they can all cook fine and have been able to cook a full meal since they were secondary school age. And they were chopping veg at nursery from age 3

Also strangely im absolutely crap at baking despite my mother apparently trying to teach me from a young age. Can do anything savoury though.

No body will be chopping cucumber in my house though - vile stuff

These things dont have to be done simply as its someone birthday. Thats normal day to day stuff

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 14:51

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 14:49

Oh well in that case let's just let them never take part in anything...

...no point letting them make a cake, I can do it quicker and easier ... No point in bothering to let them help cut up cucumber, they can't do it neatly or quickly enough... No point in them helping with anything at all!!

Show quote history

This is how you end up with 15-year-old who can't peel a bloody potato

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 14:49

Thechaseison71 · 09/02/2026 14:44

But they arent really any " help" are they? Its easier to wrapnp the presentswithout them. I remember when my youngest was 5 and he tried to " help" wrap xmas gifts. Apart from getting in my way he also told people what i had got them

Edited
Show quote history

Oh well in that case let's just let them never take part in anything...

...no point letting them make a cake, I can do it quicker and easier ... No point in bothering to let them help cut up cucumber, they can't do it neatly or quickly enough... No point in them helping with anything at all!!

soupyspoon · 09/02/2026 14:47

Thechaseison71 · 09/02/2026 14:44

But they arent really any " help" are they? Its easier to wrapnp the presentswithout them. I remember when my youngest was 5 and he tried to " help" wrap xmas gifts. Apart from getting in my way he also told people what i had got them

Edited
Show quote history

Lol

Exactly, complete hindrance.

Thechaseison71 · 09/02/2026 14:44

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 14:41

And besides, even if you do nothing at home to mark the occasion, the 6yo can still help with wrapping presents, choosing/making cake etc

Show quote history

But they arent really any " help" are they? Its easier to wrapnp the presentswithout them. I remember when my youngest was 5 and he tried to " help" wrap xmas gifts. Apart from getting in my way he also told people what i had got them

Thechaseison71 · 09/02/2026 14:42

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 14:40

We always have had family tea on the day 🤷‍♀️ with cake and whatever food birthday child prefers and we out out the happy birthday banner etc

Don't you do anything on the day at home with the family?

Show quote history

At home? No as i said we tended to go out. We ate at home every other single day of the week

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 14:41

Thechaseison71 · 09/02/2026 14:25

Oh ive had 3 teens and i dont think a family tea party would be their sort of thing. A nice meal out perhaps with family

Show quote history

And besides, even if you do nothing at home to mark the occasion, the 6yo can still help with wrapping presents, choosing/making cake etc

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 14:40

Thechaseison71 · 09/02/2026 14:25

Oh ive had 3 teens and i dont think a family tea party would be their sort of thing. A nice meal out perhaps with family

Show quote history

We always have had family tea on the day 🤷‍♀️ with cake and whatever food birthday child prefers and we out out the happy birthday banner etc

Don't you do anything on the day at home with the family?

Thechaseison71 · 09/02/2026 14:25

Thesnailonthewhale · 09/02/2026 11:28

Oh come on. It doesn't have to be helping with her mates and going out to cinema/disco/meal/event. but a 6yo certainly can help get a family tea party ready or help wrap the presents and lay the table and all that.

We always have a family tea party, even as teenagers.

Show quote history

Oh ive had 3 teens and i dont think a family tea party would be their sort of thing. A nice meal out perhaps with family

soupyspoon · 09/02/2026 13:44

Bimmering · 09/02/2026 12:22

I have a cleaner too but there's still plenty of stuff to do .. dishwasher, laundry, gardening, tidying as a few examples

Because I am a big meanie, I repeatedly get my kids to pitch in.

Edited
Show quote history

I believe in kids doing stuff in the home, dont get me wrong, but I think come the teen years, I want you to have x and y responsibility, its not 'pitching in' its your job and there'll be payment for it. Not much though, dont get excited.

EmpressaurusKitty · 09/02/2026 12:26

A 6 year old might be trying to muscle in on big sibling activity, but not very likely for a 6 year old boy to be interested in a gaggle of 16 year old girls and making cakes and putting up bunting, come on now.

Yes - I’d expect a younger sibling to be much more interested in muscling in if they were both the same sex.

Bimmering · 09/02/2026 12:22

soupyspoon · 09/02/2026 12:11

Well I pay for a cleaner so even I dont pitch in at home!!!

I have a cleaner too but there's still plenty of stuff to do .. dishwasher, laundry, gardening, tidying as a few examples

Because I am a big meanie, I repeatedly get my kids to pitch in.