Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I mean to neighbour?

137 replies

cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:25

So my next door neighbour has pretty much excluded me since I moved here.

Has mums parties with the other mums on the estate, has a WhatsApp group chat with them etc.
Me and my other neighbour were not invited to join but we know about it from the other neighbours.
From what I hear the other mums have now distanced themselves from her now.

I don't know why as I would take her deliveries in for her when she was at work and was always friendly to her.

Since I found out about the group and about the things she said about me I began refusing her deliveries. She would ignore me (would say hello before) but would always say hello to OH if she saw him.

Suites me fine as as I found her quite intrusive to be honest.

Anyway a note was slipped through the door at 10pm on Wednesday night.

Her and her toddler were ill and would be going to her parents early Thursday morning to recover and wanted me to accept a delivery which was too late to re arrange.

Of course when the delivery came I didn't bother opening the door and it was a large delivery too.

My OH thinks I did the right thing as he knows what she has been like.

I do feel a bit bad was I mean to do this?
Im not a nasty person and usually do help neighbours if they are nice to me but she has cold for no reason.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 07/02/2026 11:55

Wow. Someone is ill and asks a favour - which would require you to simply open the door, and you don’t do it? I don’t care if she hasn’t invited you around (since when do we have to include people we don’t know to social occasions)? She sure won’t be asking you now. Glad you’re not my neighbour.

Lookingforwardtospringster · 07/02/2026 11:53

My neighbour is like this. Was in my antenatal group and eventually when we all had babies they all paraded into hers for coffee and I wasn’t invited! Then I’d see the group everywhere (we had been going for coffee prior to all having our babies). I’ve never forgiven her excluding me at a vulnerable time but o lowered my expectations of her. I still would however take parcels etc and to be fair, she would vice verse. I see her as a neighbour and not as a friend and now don’t expect anything from her. Life is short and when we get older we’ll need each other more im sure! We all can’t get on with everyone! The ante natal group disbanded about 2-3 years after! My neighbour has gone onto a new best friend like she always does and uses (she found a new friend after hers moved away and I hear the friend takes her dog for free when she goes on holiday). She uses her a lot to the point her friend jokes she needs some time off to go on her holidays!

OneOfEachPlease · 07/02/2026 11:50

To be honest, I think this was a bit mean-spirited. I take stuff in for neighbours. Isn’t that just what you do? I don’t really know why you need a quid pro quo for everything.

Original poster
cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:50

The mums all live on the 4 streets on this estate, the estate was built last year and we have all lived here under a year.

She would talk to me before but to ask questions and try to talk about other neighbours.

She created this WhatsApp mum's group and didn't invite me even though I was taking in her parcels at this time and we were speaking and friendly.

As soon as I started declining her parcels she began ignoring me and only saying hello OH.

OP posts:
Raindancer411 · 07/02/2026 11:47

If she asks I would just say “oh sorry we had to nip out, it must have been then”

CrikeyNumpty · 07/02/2026 11:46

Match people’s energy I say. She has never done you any favours, in fact she has been horrible to you, so let her reap what she sowed. You did the right thing, without question.

Notsosweetcaroline · 07/02/2026 11:44

Hmm. Not sure, you say she has parties with the other mums and excludes you. Could she just be having parties with her friends, people she’s known for some time, and doesn’t know you, that it’s not you’re entitled to go and join her social circle by proximity? Also how can she be intrusive and exclusive.

SparklyGlitterballs · 07/02/2026 11:44

YANBU. You can't exclude people and then expect them to help you. To drop a note at 10pm for a delivery early Thursday morning was very presumptive of her. She should have asked earlier, and in person, not make an assumption about your availability.

Original poster
cadburysbunny · 07/02/2026 11:43

When I would speak to her she would ask a lot of personal questions and talk about other neighbours business.

She started a neighbourhood WhatsApp group and didn't invite me.

She has not even said hello to me in months and usually ignores so I didn't see why I should help her when it suits her.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 07/02/2026 11:42

Why doesn't she ask the ones she's friends with to take her deliveries?

It all sounds petty and childish but there's nothing wrong with not taking in neighbours parcels. You don't need a reason.

pouletvous · 07/02/2026 11:41

She excludes you but is intrusive? How is she both?

I think you should have taken the moral high ground and helped out whilst she is unwell

Timeforturkey · 07/02/2026 11:38

She wants the benefits of a friendship, or at least friendly neighbours, without wanting the actual relationship. That isn't fair. YANBU to not do the work a friend/friendly neighbour would do when you're treated as one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread