AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

The drop in salary will be huge and you may end up very bored as a TA.

Maybe fast-forward 10 years and consider if you could go back to your old career after taking time out.

I've not read all your posts but don't think you've said what sector you're in?

I did exactly this.

I was earning twice what DH earned, but not particularly ambitious, and while I managed OK with one DC, when the second one came along it became impossible to juggle everything. This also coincided with a job change, and I was very unhappy at the new place. So I gave up work.

It was definitely a bit of a shock financially at first (we had a lot less money to fall back on that you do) but so worth it. After 7 years (and two more DCs) I went back to work, but in a local/lower-paid job which allowed me to combine school pickups, ballet runs etc with working. I took the lion's share of the care of the DCs throughout their school years, leaving DH to focus on his career, and he moved up the ladder to fill the gap in our finances that I'd left, and is now fairly senior. As the DCs grew, and needed me less, so did my job, and I've been full time for a number of years now.

This doesn't work for everyone, but you did mention that you're not particularly career-minded, and nor was I. My DSis in contrast followed the other path - kept on the career ladder, but spent a lot of money on nannies, wraparound childcare etc. But she loves her career. DH and I decided that "money wasn't everything", and I have absolutely no regrets about stepping back. It was right for our family.

Also, do not underestimate how hard it is to get back onto the career ladder at your previous level if you step off for any length of time.

I think it’s an absolutely sensible decision. They are only young once. But then I find it hard to manage my life just me so cannot conceive of how I would manage if I had to combine motherhood too.

I’d possibly explore with your current employer either going part time with a whole day off, or earlier finishes first. Then you have all your cards on the table before you make a decision about leaving.
Even the pay cut that comes with this might still mean you earn more than a part time job around school hours in Bath.

In my mind the move from London to Bath is a separate thing. I wouldn’t think about life being necessarily better or easier there. I would move because I wanted to live in Bath then think about work options from there.

FWIW I have a 14 month old, returning to work this week after mat leave/annual leave and am 16 weeks pregnant. I would love to look after the children, keep my house nice but also keep my career and still can’t work out how I can have it all.

As someone on the other side or the side of what you want - no don’t do it!! Could you drop a day instead? Or do 3 days at your current job?

Agree with others, get a cleaner, gardener etc to help out if you need too.

If I were you OP I would look at going part time in your current job first, you already know the role and company, and you'd likely have more chance of increasing your hours for decent money when it becomes appropriate.

As others have said, unless you are doing very short hours, being a TA may actually be more prohibitive to doing the school run unless you are working at your children's school, although of course you will get the holidays off.

I'd go part-time somewhere where you already know you can work from home and therefore I assume can do the school runs?

I think unfortunately that financially your family isn't really in a position for you to take such a huge paycut to become a TA, I imagine it would only really work if the person remaining full-time was a much higher earner than your husband currently is.

You'd be absolutely mad to do this. I speak as someone who did this. Very stupid decision and one I regret a lot.

I know you are focused on your dc's early years at the moment, and wanting to spend time with them, however I found the teenage years were the most challenging in terms of balancing work and home. For little ones there are options that provide safety, security, structure, learning, play, nutrition. It doesn't always have to be you (and your options to wfm 3 days give you quite a lot of flexibility re school drop offs gor at least sone of the time.)

Those childcare options don't exist for teenagers (nor do they want them!). I stuck with my career job during dc's younger years and then was able to work in a much more flexible consultancy role when they went to secondary school. I was there for mh crisis, I was present when bullying threatened to become an issue. I didn't come home to find a drunk teenager (my friend did). I think dcs needed ME more during teenager years than they did as 2 year old.

There is no right or wrong answer here. What suits everyone is the right answer. But either option involves very significant sacrifices. If you are happy with work and the only issue is Mum guilt then I think you could push through that. If you are indifferent to your work and really feel deep down that you want to be at home more and don't care about returning to your previous status then leaving might be right for you. Genuinely I think if you take a step back you need to accept you probably won't get back to where you were career wise. It's a great theory but rarely happens in practice. Also it's very hard to go to FT when your family are used to a PT parent. Even when kids are old enough to not need childcare, it's hard to increase hours like that without disrupting everyone, you would really want to be passionate about it and feel it's worth it. Jobs that fit round school hours are rare and usually involve children or caring elements, this may not be for you. It's not easy being PT if you find something intense and stressful. Also a PT job may have zero flexibility and could be more pressurised in the morning.

All that said, I gave up FT work to be SAHM then sought school hours. It took a few years and lots of retraining but I now love my job and find it 100 times more rewarding than anything I did before. I have a more senior status (relatively, smaller company) and feel so much more respected than i ever did in my past career. I am somewhat financially dependent on my DH but that's ok, we do what works for us as a family. I have zero regrets.

I had some time of work for the first months when they started school. I didn’t feel like we had any real quality time in the mornings or between school finishing and normal work finishing time. There were a couple of classes they wanted to do after school (at school), and we did after school club a couple of times when I had something on. They absolutely loved it!! We do breakfast club and after school club now on their request, I feel no guilt about doing full time work. My job is well paid and flexible so if there is an issue I can be there. I do regular time pick up every Friday and we go to the park after and have fun.

I love having the extra money to spend on family holidays (they are so important to us), we have a cleaner and do no housework at the weekend. Weekends are usually spent out and about, and we have proper quality time together. I look at the future (uni fees - horrendous, house deposits, etc), and I feel secure that we are able to save for them so they can have opportunities and are not saddled with debt. I would take holidays and security over a few snatched hours during the week.

It is possible. One of my siblings took 15 years out and went back into her old career on 80k for 3 days a week, but that was in finance. She went to headhunter who specialised in getting women back into the city after time out.

A friend of mine who was a GP before she had kids was a SAHP for a while, later did some PT GP work and then retrained as a consultant when they were older.

OP is asking if she should give up her job, telling them you don't think they should give up the job would be a valid response, telling them what they should prefer is not. You can't bang on about patriarchy and then tell a woman what she should prefer.

I think reducing hours at your current job sounds like the best plan. School hours jobs are notoriously rare and jobs in actual schools that aren't teachers (eg TAs, office staff) are really badly paid. I do know some people that work 70-80% eg by doing 9-4 or similar though which is worth thinking about. Juggling everythign does get a lot easier as kids get older.

I’m reading this whole thread with so much interest and feeling very grateful for my secure, senior career that I’ve worked hard to build over the years. PP have said the more senior and well established reputation you have, the more flexibility you have and it’s so true. I never miss a Christmas show or parents evening. My seniors trust me, because I’ve earned that trust, so if I need to leave early, no questions are asked about whether the work will get done. I can’t imagine having to start all this from scratch in a lower paid role I would also be a nightmare and try and run the place!

My own DF worked away from home a lot and my DM had a school hours job while I was small. I don’t remember my DF as being absent at all. What I remember is our lovely house, financial security, never having parents arguing about money and being helped financially through university, buying my first house and even now I’m allegedly a grown up, my DPs offer support when they can.

I stepped back long term (around 13 years ago), I won't return to where I am (though that is partly as I am no longer motivated to do so) but I have no regrets whatsoever.
I am very fortunate to be in the position however where DH earns a good salary so the financial element is not hugely important .

I did this and I don't regret it for a moment. Yes money was much tighter but I loved being at home with my kids whilst they are small.

For what it's worth, I was worried about rejoining the workplace after a break but found it much easier than expected.

Risky to give up a good flexible job in current climate I think.

I gave up a good job, that I enjoyed, after having our toddler. I don't regret it at all. I always see the "what if your DH leaves you" type comments. Well I'd just go back to work. It may not be as well paid or as good of a position but I'd find something and make it work. After having our child I really could not care less about career progression, I just wanted to raise him.

I am from and live in Bath. It's expensive. But just do what suits your family and matches the kind of lifestyle you want to have.

Because she’s asking for my opinion. It’s kinda how online forums work.

I went part time when dd1 was born, my wages were nowhere near yours but it was still a significant drop to our household income and I've never regretted a thing.

This isn't a dig at all at people who choose career but for me I wanted to be with dd, then dd2 as much as I could when they were little, I also enjoyed doing the nursery and school runs and still do.

I've never been a planner and live very much in the moment so I don't base my life choices on what I'd do if dh left, if I was worried about that then I'd have never had children or got married in the first place.
I do know that right now as my youngest is in her last year of primary school I would have regretted not making the financial sacrifices to be at home with them.

You sound as if you have a similar mindset to me and are more family focused than career so I'd say if you can afford it then go for it.

We have recently made a very similar decision. I was earning 80k and my husband 90k. We have 3 children, one who has a speech delay. We decided that we both hated the juggling of our jobs with pick ups/illnesses/helping our son with his speech so we decided I would take a step back from work for a while. I was going to hand my notice in at work (who are also really supportive) and it turns out they have a 'career break policy' which allows me to take a break for between 1 - 3 years and then return to them after that. It's been perfect. Ok, we definitely don't have the same money to spend (I took it for granted before now!) but it's so worth it. I don't regret it and would do it again every day - even if it had meant I had to hand my notice in.

my advice is just do whatever works for you and your family xx

The OP 'should' prefer what suits them. Who are you to tell a woman what her priorities and preferences should be? How is that any better than telling her she should prefer to be at home.

Your job sounds ideal OP, well paid, hybrid, you like it, reasonable commute. No way would I be giving it up, for what, working as admin in a school for min wage or something? Sod that! No offence meant to people who do those jobs, but you have a choice!
You'll have mat leave with the new baby I presume, that will give you a year with your children.
Construction can be a bit volatile and your H is on 50k. That doesn't go far with 2 kids in the SE. Even if he was on 100k I wouldn't be abandoning such a good job. You'll be the household skivvy as well, if he is away a lot and you've not got a "proper job."
I am quite focused on having my independence though, and prone to worrying what if! I know some women are not bothered about that really, and happy to focus on the kids and trust their husband to do the right thing etc.

Would you have benefitted from having a partner who was a SAHP? Because that would make the most sense in OP’s particular case.