AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

You deserve to be well paid OP! You can do good works when you haven't got a family to look after, or do a few hours volunteering. You are doing enough "good" by doing what you're doing. Don't let misplaced guilt disadvantage your family, enjoy what you have.

A lot of things can happen over 20 years. People get sick, divorced, etc. life can change. It’s just my opinion. You and others should do what you want.

There will come a point where you can do something more "useful" to society, when it's not as important to your family to have your salary.

Totally get it, I enjoy my job and I love working with my team, but I would love to do something like conservation or working with an animal charity.

The reality is that those more "important" jobs won't give my family what we need. They won't fill my pension pot to a point where I'll be able to survive in retirement with the way the costs of everything are going. I'd only be able to do something like that once the outgoings were lower, but we can't "downsize" without moving a significant distance away because we have a small house anyway we just live in an expensive area. But moving a significant distance impacts DHs role, and both salaries so it doesn't work practically.

At the moment you're in the young family stage. You do what's needed.

This.

I live in Bath. It is really not cheap though - you could move to the outskirt areas and get a much better deal. See Bitton, Wellow, Peasedown St John for example.
I do love Bath and there are a huge amount of people from London who have also made the move but still commute by train a couple of times a week - just under 90mins Bath Spa - London Paddington.
i don’t think you are being unreasonable but you both need to be in agreement.

keeping my career was and is 'putting family first'. The money pays for roof over their head and gives them a financially secure life and many opportunities they would not have had if I stayed home.

And no I don't think anybody would say they regret spending time with kids as such. People certainly regret not having a (sufficient) income or that they can't get a job after a long career break, which then of course significantly limits your options in life.

This is a decision only you can make really.Its all well and good everyone telling you you have the perfect job ,but if you dont feel it you dont feel it! Incidentally a programme I watched urged caution with towns like Bath ,Beautiful city but property prices are very high, and COL there too.Farmers markets ,Restaurants and so on .

I think it is socially conditioned for women not to say that.

But I know two women who deeply regret being SAHMs and giving up careers. Not for financial reasons but because both found they weren't cut out for being a SAHM, didn't enjoy it day to day, and really missed their careers. My MIL is one of them - she did revive her career when her kids left home but she constantly talks about her regrets about never fulfilling her potential

I wouldn’t step back from that salary. Remember you need to be building a pension for yourself as well.

What does your husband say? You cannot make a decision that will affect the entire families finances and lifestyle (including your children’s) without being in total agreement or it will lead to disaster.

There's a balance to be had.

I absolutely, 100%, do not regret going part time to have 2 days a week with DD while she isn't at school.

I KNOW I would have regretted walking away from work entirely because my industry moves so fast that a couple of years out would make it very hard to get back in. Plus I value my independence and being able to support myself financially is a big part of that. And on top of that, life is expensive these days. I don't want to spoil DD but equally I don't want to have to say no to everything because DHs salary is being entirely used up by surviving.

Me having the job I do and what it gives us is important for a lot of things. And I'd be very sad not to be able to give us what I do.

I'd also be sad if my job meant that DD was being looked after in childcare all day every day, and we barely saw her.

So I understand why people don't want to walk away from work. It can give as much as it takes. You need to find the balance that works for your family overall. And for some people it has to be skewed more towards work because they need to have the income to survive.

He's in Construction very difficult to get part-time work in Construction especially if hes site based.

I honestly don't think he will. But if he does then I will divorce him for all I can get 😂

Haven't read full thread but as someone who moved out of London - DO NOT move to bath and one of you try to keep working in London

We moved a lot nearer than BAth and within 2 years my husband had to quit his job - which he had enjoyed!! because the commmute was just life suckingly awful

My situation was slightly different to yours but I went part time when I had my 4th child, it was a choice of leaving or going part time. I decided to take the hit short term knowing that when the kids grew up I could go back full time. A couple of years later I got a promotion and went back full time, the hours were better and in that time my husband also got promoted. Yes we made sacrifices financially during that time but we made the decision based on what was best for us a family at that time.
luckily the industry I work in allows that flexibility.
I would definitely have that conversation with your company before you make any solid decisions.
Good luck.

What if he leaves?

I hate being the one asking this question because I'm also one of the annoying people who doesn't see DH leaving. But if you have no money of your own and he walks away, pension beneficiaries are so easily changed....

Yes, thankfully. Although hopefully he won't die before me!

You do realise Bath is not the countryside? Or did you mean somewhere near Bath?

I don’t think a lower paid job means easier either!

As long as your husband is happy too what's the problem?
I have to tell you though it rains all the time in Bath 🙄

Honestly, I've thought about it a few times, giving up the "big" job for something "easier". What I do is pretty stressful at times, DH has an important job (no, not "man more important", I could earn more but in the grand scheme of the world, his is more important than mine and he should keep doing it as well as he does) so balancing the two can sometimes feel tricky. Even though he is very supportive of me having a good career.

However, I work for an excellent company, it's flexible, it pays well, the benefits are good and my direct AND indirect line management is fantastic. There is not a chance of finding this elsewhere in a "smaller" job. And those things should never be underestimated.

Aside from that, I think it's really important to have something for myself, and I think it's really important for DD to see her mum being independent and having the ability to balance all the things I want to be/do. It'll show her she has choices or she can do anything/everything she wants to.

Part time at the moment and that works well. Options to increase come school time. Consider that. Keep what you've worked for.

Do you still get it if he dies before you? Risky to rely on it otherwise.

You’d be crazy to give that up when you can wfh 3 days a week. Your dhs salary won’t stretch far at all if you can’t find another job. Bath isn’t far off London prices with less work opportunities