AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

I think the issue is that your DH isn’t helping you enough especially considering you are both full time and you are the higher earner.

You say it’s because he has the longer commute. Which I get but then he needs to step up in other ways to make it easier for you. Full time work and doing all the drops offs and pick ups is hard. Do you split the cooking/cleaning/laundry etc?

The most sensible solution would be to take a decent second maternity. Then go part time for a while at your existing work. As it all gets even more of a juggle with 2. Ideally the DH would step up…but if he’s not going to…

Other idea would be just get more help. Would a childminder or nanny be easier. Or pay soemone to do a few of the pick ups and drop offs. Get a cleaner and a gardener.

I'd do it, as long as I was confident I would have access to the money DH earns. Children are only young for a few years but we work for many, many more years. A few years slowing down in your career isn't going to be hugely detrimental. If being present at home is your priority, be present at home.

I moved to 3 days a week and took a pay cut from £80k to £35K. Best thing I ever did as I had young kids and my dad was also very unwell and I was helping my mum. I now do the same role, with a promotion and slightly more responsibilities but work full time and earn just under six figures.

Apart from that short period I have always been the higher earner.

Sleepwalk into what? A great job AND a balanced life?

It's quite sad isn't it. Even though she earns almost double of what he earns it's still somehow a given that she will cut her salary by probably as much as 75% and her pension by even more so that he can continue his job. If anything, it would make much more sense for him to work part-time from a family perspective and he can then support OP more.

100% don't do it. You have a good job, that's flexible and pays well and crucially, you enjoy it. It's also a very tough market right now.

You don't have the second child yet either. Bath is really expensive, London type prices. I think you're thinking the grass is greener and it isn't always.

I speak as someone who worked FTOTH while my children were small and I'm glad I did, it meant we had a lovely life while they were growing up and still do now.

Also, they don't get cheaper, kids! Even if you don't pay school fees (we did) or childcare (we did, we both worked FT) if your child /ren go to university it will cost a lot - student loans are rarely enough to live on so most parents top up. For us, I think it cost about £12k per year for 1 child and we have more than one. And that's out of taxed income. Yes your kids could be made to work etc but the reality is that many parents pay a lot towards uni.

I think a PP said make your life as nice as you can make it right now, use your income to make it as good and easy as possible and I agree with that.

I also found being at home with small children pretty boring - you may not, obvs - but you don't want to look back after 2 years of being at home and think "what was I thinking?" I know people say "you can't get that time back" - no, you can't but for me, I didn't want it back thank you! Good luck whatever you decide.

Your children will only ever be young once - if you’re in a position to- go for it!! You’ll never have the chance again

I know.

It would be madness to go from a good £80k job full time to be a TA on 30 hours a week (ok not in the school holidays but still..) with no room for school runs anyway.
It's even more bonkers to think you can return to the nice job after 5 years out as a TA.

I can't see any sense doing it and how tou pay a morgage on it in Bath.

But of course we should always do ourselves.

I find this thread rather sad.

So many people focusing on money only but forgetting that kids will definitely benefit from having more time with their parents when they are babies/toddlers and that the OP would have a better quality of life with a part time job.

OP If I were you I would choose a less expensive place to move to so you could have a smaller mortgage or no mortgage at all. Then I would try to see whether your current workplace will let you go part time and remote or at least hybrid. If not then accept you will have to find a new role.

I would say having worked a range of jobs from min wage to quite good, don't think a PT low wage job is less stressful. Often the more control you have, the less stress you have and don't rely on finding a job that suits.

I'd be heavily negotiating with your current employers.

Bath isn’t cheap and it’s not an easy access to major road networks. It’s a beautiful city and rail network is good but the A roads from the M4 is very rural and not dual carriageway.
Worcestershire is popular with people relocating from London. Good access to motorways and train links to Birmingham and London are very good.

Gloucestershire also very good but can be expensive because most of the county likes to think they are Cotswolds.

If you move to a rural location then you need to factor in the cost of running two decent cars. Public transport is often non-existent, parking in Bath, for example is very expensive and since you will need to travel for everything fuel costs can be high. Electric cars are pretty useless because the charging network reflects the population density.

I live rurally and although close to our nearest town, 30min walk, there are no pavements and the road is single track in places so it is just not safe to walk. At night there are no street lights so even more hazardous.

The good news is that we have lots of Waitroses and supermarkets run a busy delivery service.

It does seem to be a idillic lifestyle choice but there is much more planning involved in day to day life. Choice of school is limited unless you are prepared to travel. DS went through private system and the school run was a 20mile round trip. Senior school had a bus service but we still had to drive 3 miles to the pick up point. If we slept in then I often had a hair raising drive through the lanes to get ahead of the bus or ended up stuck in traffic and late for work.

We do walk straight out onto fields and woodland to walk the dog but in the winter it’s wet, muddy and miserable. The wildlife, although lovely, can be noisy at night and cause thousands of pounds of damage if you hit them. DS had a deer jump out in front of him last year which caused £3k of damage. Even a humble rabbit can cause damage.

Crime rates are not much better. It’s often different types of crime, isolated houses are easy targets. You definitely need a decent sized dog and sophisticated alarm systems.

Before taking the step do plenty of research. Flood history is essential. A pretty house by the river may look like a bargain but in the middle of winter when you find a foot of water in your kitchen it can be a shock. Generally look for houses that are at the same height or above the local church. There is only one church whose graveyard famously floods and that’s in Gloucestershire. Our forebears were aware of contamination from graveyards so made sure they never flooded. And never underestimate the pretty little stream in the garden or a house situated at the bottom of a hill.

Finally rural housing often has overland power supply that are prone to damage. We once had a 2 day power cut after a local bull decided to use the high tension power post as a back scratcher and brought it down. The system tried to reset and each time a further section of cable arced and failed.

Practice your on paper reduced income budget for 3 months i.e. give yourselfs £3k as opposed to £5k a month or whatever it works out.

Put the diffrrence straight to savings on pay day and have a rule that you can't touch it.

See what living on the reduced amoubt is truely like in reality.

@ShetlandishMum she worked 8am- 3pm term time only and obviously only got paid term time

I would reduce your hours if you can. Too much pressure working full time with two young children. I would try to stay Londonish...lots of areas in greater london with easy commute to london for your husband.

I really recommend what I did - 4 days a week in the same job when they were little. Lovely to have a full day off with them. Job share can also go well.

I wouldn't over romanticise the school pick up thing - it's a couple of hours a day when many children just have a snack and watch TV, not really quality time. I like doing it once a week (DH does it once too) but my kids are very happy in after school club playing with other children.

I also personally wouldn't like - but you may feel differently - being the one to take a little job while DH didn't do his share of parenting.

So you earn £30k more than your husband and are prepared to sacrifice that for his career where he might end up staying away 3 nights a week leaving you at least £40k/year worst off and on your own with potentially two children for nearly 50% of the time? In a new area you haven’t lived in before.

I will genuinely never understand how some women sleepwalk into these situations. Never in my life.

I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more) and work for a supportive company where I can WFH three days a week; my commute is 50 minutes.. earn £80k, quite enjoy my job

Yes, you would be mad to give all this up to 'run a household'. Get some help around the house. If still too challenging and you want a parent spending more time with the DC, DH should be one reducing his hours. It really isn't that easy to waltz back into a similar job after you have been doing an unrelated part time job that fits around school hours.

Erghhhhh.

Not sure about this plan...it wouldn't be for me...

I'd want to stay in the job and keep building a safety net and enjoy the mat pay / security that comes with 80k job.
Maybe review after...
A 50k pa job that means your dh doesnt do any drop offs or pick ups doesnt ring my bell tbh. In 2 yrs or so when you are finishing mat leave you'll have a better view on his financial prospects.

So on that basis Id give it a few years to see if all that hot chat about progression in his career materialises.

Alongside this maybe do a 4 day over 5 ...?

(I say this as someone in your position... I actually earned almost double my dh when we had our first DC 4 yrs ago. He took a slight cut to go into a new sector)

I have kept my hand in we are now close to parity... my salary dropped a bit but his has come up significantly (50k)
I plan to drop my work/salary down in the next few years to give us better balance

Also Bath is ££££
When i was snooping on rightmove it looked like i would basically just be moving our london house and mortgage to Bath....😵‍💫

Exhibit A
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/171738176#/?channel=RES_BUY

Our house in london is actually sloghtly bigger 😭

I did this. The trade-off is we live in a small flat. I took a career hit. I’m now recovered career wise sbd doing better than before kids. I don’t regret my decision as they are young fkr a few short years. I now have the rest of my life to build up my enpire if that’s what I want.

you will need to decide where you are happy to compromise. Unfortunately, you cab’t have it all.

You are not being unreasonable with either option, as long as your expectations match any potential career change. So you would very possibly have to reduce your standard of living (holidays, meals out), and if you move also possibly property size (despite living in London now, even if you can go mortgage free bigger houses mean higher energy costs, higher council tax etc).

However, if your priority is time with your kids over these things, absolutely reduce your working hours. With your husbands current salary, you probably can't do both at the moment, but neither option is wrong, its just a choice.

Also consider your future planning, you will be making much larger pension contributions at your current salary so reducing for a period of time will have an impact on future retirement resources as well.

You have a lot in savings, (consider investments for some if you haven't already, its a lot to keep in cash which will lose value over time), so are clearly savvy around money. Just be prepared to live on a tighter budget for a period of time if you choose to leave your current role (which honestly does sound like a good balanced role for a decent salary!).

Have you considered if this financially makes sense? If you did less hours and earned less, plus had two kids...who will when they get older start doing extra curricular activities as well...it only makes sense if you can afford this with the reduced hours.

I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable in prioritising spending time with your children in their early years if you can possibly afford it - it’s time you can never get back and they will benefit so much from spending more time with you. I stayed at home for several years when my daughter was born - we were penniless and it was very difficult to make ends meet at times, but it was 100% worth it and we’ve never had any regrets.

Wfh 3 days a week, commute of 50 mins and 80k pa is gold dust OP - see it for what it is.

I’m not saying don’t prioritise your kids as it’s an eminently valuable thing to do but the reality is you may never find another role like it.

If I were you, rather than taking a pay cut to 50k I’d throw 30k at childcare and domestic support - so that the time spent with your kids is better quality.

Another thing to think about is that a surprising number of activities in my DCs primary school were during the working day e.g. school assemblies that parents were invited to, school trips that they needed parent volunteers for, sports matches against other schools etc.
Unless your new job happens to be in the same school you may well miss all of those. I found that the full-time working parents (especially those working from home) had a lot more flexibility and found it easier to just start later or leave early on those days or even take a day’s annual leave as opposed to those working fixed hours during the school day. The school admin staff, TAs and teachers I know in particular often missed their own DCs’ school events as they couldn’t take time off work mid-week.

OP, as someone who works in a school, I’m very surprised that you think working in a school will provide a better life work balance?
TAs at most schools have to arrive before and leave after pupils. The salary for full time experienced TAs is usually 25k max, with much less for unqualified ones. Some part time TAs are only paid in term time, which leaves a big gap in the holidays.
Lots of teachers and TAs are leaving the profession as there is so much pressure and everyone is so overworked.
I’d think very carefully before giving up what sounds like an enjoyable and very well paid job for - well- what could be the opposite of that!

I wouldn’t, OP. In your shoes, I’d probably stick to having one child to make my job etc more manageable @fieldmouse231