Page 11 | AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

fieldmouse231 · 2026-02-05T12:11:58+00:00

We live in London and have a one-year-old DS. I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more) and work for a supportive company where I can WFH three days a week; my commute is 50 minutes. I’m back at work full time, earn £80k, quite enjoy my job and am well regarded, but I’m not especially career-motivated. Our son is in nursery. I do pick-ups and drop-offs four days a week as my husband has a 90-minute commute, long hours (construction industry) and needs to be in the office four days a week. We have a small mortgage for London (c.£800pcm) and over £100k in savings between us. We’re planning a second child and I’d really like to take a step back after my second maternity leave (if we’re lucky enough to have another). Ideally I’d work part-time around school hours so I could manage drop-offs and pick-ups, and potentially spend 2–3 days a week caring for the children before they start school. We’d also love to move out of London for more space and a countryside lifestyle — currently considering Bath. This would likely mean giving up my current job or having a very long commute. My husband is very career-motivated (this is a second career for him) and keen to progress; his work is project-based and may involve staying away three nights a week depending on location. I don’t want to stop working entirely — it’s important for my identity and self-confidence — but equally I feel strongly about being present for my children and running our household. AIBU to give up my £80k job and (inevitably) take a much lower-paid role to prioritise time with my children and family life?

HisNotHes · 05/02/2026 13:35

Yanbu if being with your kids is your priority. Money isn’t everything.
Also assuming your husband is on board and it’s an agreed decision for the family.

Youarethecrown · 05/02/2026 13:35

Needspaceforlego · 05/02/2026 12:42

Op can you go part-time in your current role?
Or if you can it might be worthwhile sticking with full-time until your oldest starts school.

Thats when working shorter hours really has its advantages. Being able to collect kids and get them to clubs etc is a blessing.

Lots of kids clubs and activities seem to start at 4/5/6pm which just doesn't work if you are using wrap around care and don't finish work until 5pm

This. Being a parent is actually more time-demanding when they are school age and attending activities after school. Some after school care runs until 6, but a lot (like my DC
school) is 5:30 so gone are the days of picking them up at 6pm having had their dinner already in nursery!

YANBU of course OP, but I wouldn’t do it. Living costs are only increasing. I’ve recently got a more senior, better paid job but I don’t feel better off because life is so expensive. I went part time when my eldest was born 11 years ago, 4 days. You’re right that it’s the same job for less pay, which at that time was worth it for me before the days of WFH. I think it’s worth it for the short term while your DC are little, you just need to be disciplined about not being available on your day off, and leaving on time on the other days. I was and felt I had a good work life balance. If things didn’t get done on my day off, I never apologised for it.

I now WFH 95% of the time, youngest is 8, and I’m planning to increase my hours to compressed full time in 4 days because of the flexibility WFH offers and because I’m now more senior. The day off is valuable though as both my DC are sporty and do a lot of after school and weekend activities so I need my day off to breathe!

DeftGoldHedgehog · 05/02/2026 13:35

KatsPJs · 05/02/2026 13:32

The OP should prefer freedom and financial security.

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I had that as well, HTH. Plus was able to spend valuable time with my dad while he was still around and help my mum. You never get that time back.

IcedPurple · 05/02/2026 13:34

KatsPJs · 05/02/2026 13:28

I remember a thread from about a week ago on here of a poster who had been a SAHM for 15 years and wanted a WFH role for £50k a year. It’s mind-boggling. These jobs don’t just fall from the sky.

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Reminds me of those people who talk about 'the time management skills I have learned as a homemaker' on their (empty) CV and expect potential employers to take it seriously!

KatsPJs · 05/02/2026 13:34

ADogRocketShip · 05/02/2026 13:32

Yes I read that thread too.... with my jaw open in shock, and believe I put a comment along the lines of "this MUST be a wind up!?!"

Not only did they want to WFH and earn at least £50K, with no prior experience or qualifications and 15 yrs out the workforce... they also wanted the hours to be school hours only?!

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Oh I’d forgotten about the school hours-so in reality more like a £100k a year role if she only wants term time as well? It’s crazy!

KatsPJs · 05/02/2026 13:32

DeftGoldHedgehog · 05/02/2026 13:29

Perhaps the OP would rather be the one at home. I certainly preferred it that way!

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The OP should prefer freedom and financial security.

ADogRocketShip · 05/02/2026 13:32

KatsPJs · 05/02/2026 13:28

I remember a thread from about a week ago on here of a poster who had been a SAHM for 15 years and wanted a WFH role for £50k a year. It’s mind-boggling. These jobs don’t just fall from the sky.

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Yes I read that thread too.... with my jaw open in shock, and believe I put a comment along the lines of "this MUST be a wind up!?!"

Not only did they want to WFH and earn at least £50K, with no prior experience or qualifications and 15 yrs out the workforce... they also wanted the hours to be school hours only?!

Original poster

fieldmouse231 · 05/02/2026 13:32

Crwysmam · 05/02/2026 13:18

Bath isn’t cheap and it’s not an easy access to major road networks. It’s a beautiful city and rail network is good but the A roads from the M4 is very rural and not dual carriageway.
Worcestershire is popular with people relocating from London. Good access to motorways and train links to Birmingham and London are very good.

Gloucestershire also very good but can be expensive because most of the county likes to think they are Cotswolds.

If you move to a rural location then you need to factor in the cost of running two decent cars. Public transport is often non-existent, parking in Bath, for example is very expensive and since you will need to travel for everything fuel costs can be high. Electric cars are pretty useless because the charging network reflects the population density.

I live rurally and although close to our nearest town, 30min walk, there are no pavements and the road is single track in places so it is just not safe to walk. At night there are no street lights so even more hazardous.

The good news is that we have lots of Waitroses and supermarkets run a busy delivery service.

It does seem to be a idillic lifestyle choice but there is much more planning involved in day to day life. Choice of school is limited unless you are prepared to travel. DS went through private system and the school run was a 20mile round trip. Senior school had a bus service but we still had to drive 3 miles to the pick up point. If we slept in then I often had a hair raising drive through the lanes to get ahead of the bus or ended up stuck in traffic and late for work.

We do walk straight out onto fields and woodland to walk the dog but in the winter it’s wet, muddy and miserable. The wildlife, although lovely, can be noisy at night and cause thousands of pounds of damage if you hit them. DS had a deer jump out in front of him last year which caused £3k of damage. Even a humble rabbit can cause damage.

Crime rates are not much better. It’s often different types of crime, isolated houses are easy targets. You definitely need a decent sized dog and sophisticated alarm systems.

Before taking the step do plenty of research. Flood history is essential. A pretty house by the river may look like a bargain but in the middle of winter when you find a foot of water in your kitchen it can be a shock. Generally look for houses that are at the same height or above the local church. There is only one church whose graveyard famously floods and that’s in Gloucestershire. Our forebears were aware of contamination from graveyards so made sure they never flooded. And never underestimate the pretty little stream in the garden or a house situated at the bottom of a hill.

Finally rural housing often has overland power supply that are prone to damage. We once had a 2 day power cut after a local bull decided to use the high tension power post as a back scratcher and brought it down. The system tried to reset and each time a further section of cable arced and failed.

Thank you so much for this, really helpful information.

OP posts:

ShetlandishMum · 05/02/2026 13:31

KatsPJs · 05/02/2026 13:28

I remember a thread from about a week ago on here of a poster who had been a SAHM for 15 years and wanted a WFH role for £50k a year. It’s mind-boggling. These jobs don’t just fall from the sky.

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Yes I remember that. That mum will most likely be a candidate for a TA job.
Jobs like OPs are so rare - even you have a very good CV.

Original poster

fieldmouse231 · 05/02/2026 13:30

Greenwitchart · 05/02/2026 13:21

I find this thread rather sad.

So many people focusing on money only but forgetting that kids will definitely benefit from having more time with their parents when they are babies/toddlers and that the OP would have a better quality of life with a part time job.

OP If I were you I would choose a less expensive place to move to so you could have a smaller mortgage or no mortgage at all. Then I would try to see whether your current workplace will let you go part time and remote or at least hybrid. If not then accept you will have to find a new role.

Thank you, that’s helpful. Bath is just an idea really, we’d probably like to stay in the south due to family but flexible really other than that.

OP posts:

Motheranddaughter · 05/02/2026 13:30

Greenwitchart · 05/02/2026 13:21

I find this thread rather sad.

So many people focusing on money only but forgetting that kids will definitely benefit from having more time with their parents when they are babies/toddlers and that the OP would have a better quality of life with a part time job.

OP If I were you I would choose a less expensive place to move to so you could have a smaller mortgage or no mortgage at all. Then I would try to see whether your current workplace will let you go part time and remote or at least hybrid. If not then accept you will have to find a new role.

You might say I would say this but I truly think the advantages to young children of parents staying at home are very much exaggerated
Mine are all in their 20s ,doing well,we have a great relationship and they saw that DH and I both worked to support them

Tonissister · 05/02/2026 13:30

AwfullyGood · 05/02/2026 13:17

Practice your on paper reduced income budget for 3 months i.e. give yourselfs £3k as opposed to £5k a month or whatever it works out.

Put the diffrrence straight to savings on pay day and have a rule that you can't touch it.

See what living on the reduced amoubt is truely like in reality.

Good idea.

And OP, if your TV, washing machine, car etc break down during this time, don't dip into the savings. You have to understand the huge stress of not having enough money, day in, day out.

I agree with PPs that children are only young once, but you can do a lot at weekends, you can have little night time rituals. Children who grow up in a loving, financially secure home, with a mother who earns well are being shown a perfectly healthy life model.

Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 05/02/2026 13:29

fieldmouse231 · 05/02/2026 12:32

All the replies are so useful, thanks everyone. I’ll respond to some individually but where I’m at is that personally I feel that I am being unreasonable to want to do this because I think it will have significant long term implications for me and my family, but nevertheless it feels very tempting.

What is about it that is tempting you? That would be interesting to know.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 05/02/2026 13:29

KatsPJs · 05/02/2026 13:26

So why doesn’t the OP’s husband who earns nearly 50% less than her take the reins with childcare and go PT or quit for his family? Why is the OP the one doing the sacrificing? Oh yeah: patriarchy.

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Perhaps the OP would rather be the one at home. I certainly preferred it that way!

IcedPurple · 05/02/2026 13:28

JLou08 · 05/02/2026 13:25

I'd do it, as long as I was confident I would have access to the money DH earns. Children are only young for a few years but we work for many, many more years. A few years slowing down in your career isn't going to be hugely detrimental. If being present at home is your priority, be present at home.

A few years slowing down in your career isn't going to be hugely detrimental.

If the OP is in a competitive, fast moving career then it actually could be hugely detrimental. Nobody is going to hang around waiting for her to decide she's happy to go back to work. Which doesn't mean that it may be the wrong choice, depending on the OP's priorities, but let's not pretend that 'a few years slowing down' isn't going to have negative effects on her career.

Original poster

fieldmouse231 · 05/02/2026 13:28

Snoken · 05/02/2026 13:24

It's quite sad isn't it. Even though she earns almost double of what he earns it's still somehow a given that she will cut her salary by probably as much as 75% and her pension by even more so that he can continue his job. If anything, it would make much more sense for him to work part-time from a family perspective and he can then support OP more.

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It’s not a given, this is something I’m considering because I personally want to spend time with my young child. My husband is supportive of me considering this, not asking/wanting me to do it.

Appreciate your comments are valid though - definitely need to keep this perspective in mind.

OP posts:

KatsPJs · 05/02/2026 13:28

ADogRocketShip · 05/02/2026 13:25

I wouldn't, no.

You already have a set up most people are striving for - you have £80K income and good career prospects, a mortgage that's more than affordable, ability to save, flexibility and WFH 3 days per week.

People on here are always absolutely adamant that in their particular industry they could waltz right back into a good paying role if it went pear shaped, but I honestly haven't met many at all in the real world where this is at all true (except teachers). You have to factor in the loss of pension over these years, which on £80Kpa would be a good amount currently. It seems odd for you to step back when you're the bigger earner too - I know you say DH has good trajectory and is career focused, but right now the reality is you are the breadwinner in this set up.

I'd stay at your current role, but look to drop to 4 days if you really want to. I'd spread that over 5 days and work condensed hours. Also, on WFH days you'll likely be able to squeeze in drop off for school run and stuff anyway. It probably feels a bigger issue now as your DC is only 1yr.

In particular, the red flag for me is moving out to Bath and then DH needing to be away 3 nights a week. Regardless of working or not, you'll be busy doing absolutely everything for the kids. I'd do anything to avoid that scenario and would try and find a relocation area where DH could be home each night.

Edited

I remember a thread from about a week ago on here of a poster who had been a SAHM for 15 years and wanted a WFH role for £50k a year. It’s mind-boggling. These jobs don’t just fall from the sky.

Mildmanneredmum · 05/02/2026 13:27

LoveWine123 · 05/02/2026 13:04

I was in your position a few years back and the thought of going part time or being a SAHM crossed my mind several times. I didn't do it and continued working and now looking back I don't regret it at all. Continuing to work meant I was busy, well stimulated, well paid and my job now provides the kind of flexibility that allows me to work from home, pick up my kids from school when I'm not in the office, go to every school play, parents meeting, etc. It has also allowed me to keep my financial independence, a great social circle of intelligent, well educated people to interact with, not to mention the comfort and opportunities that our financial position allows. This would never had been possible if I had opted out of working to stay home. And no, I don't LOVE my job and I'm not super career driven, but I do love the opportunities my job has provided and the stimulating interactions and challenges it has presented. I would probably have gone nuts staying home doing housework and focusing solely on the kids. It really has made me a better person and better parent.

Yes - I had the same dilemma but stuck at working full time, and I'm so thankful I didn't drop out of the job market (I'm an older mum) because my career really went well although it was hard work. I'm so glad I kept at it.

ShetlandishMum · 05/02/2026 13:26

Greenwitchart · 05/02/2026 13:21

I find this thread rather sad.

So many people focusing on money only but forgetting that kids will definitely benefit from having more time with their parents when they are babies/toddlers and that the OP would have a better quality of life with a part time job.

OP If I were you I would choose a less expensive place to move to so you could have a smaller mortgage or no mortgage at all. Then I would try to see whether your current workplace will let you go part time and remote or at least hybrid. If not then accept you will have to find a new role.

I wouldn't be so sure a low paid stressful TA job is a better quality life in Bath, tbh. Yes, 15 years ago or so. Yes. Agree. Today. No.

KatsPJs · 05/02/2026 13:26

Greenwitchart · 05/02/2026 13:21

I find this thread rather sad.

So many people focusing on money only but forgetting that kids will definitely benefit from having more time with their parents when they are babies/toddlers and that the OP would have a better quality of life with a part time job.

OP If I were you I would choose a less expensive place to move to so you could have a smaller mortgage or no mortgage at all. Then I would try to see whether your current workplace will let you go part time and remote or at least hybrid. If not then accept you will have to find a new role.

So why doesn’t the OP’s husband who earns nearly 50% less than her take the reins with childcare and go PT or quit for his family? Why is the OP the one doing the sacrificing? Oh yeah: patriarchy.

Tonissister · 05/02/2026 13:26

I really really wouldn't. It is likely that you would find it hard to get back into work at the same level after several years of very PT work. Right now it feels ideal. As the children grow up, it won't.

Long term - you'd be far more reliant on your husband. Men can get weird about it being their money, and hugely under-appreciate the financial value to family of women sacrificing their own careers. Life might be fine now, but in twenty years time, if you divorced, you don't want to be scrabbling around on less than half the salary you earned two decades ago.

Children get more expensive. Young adults need money: driving lessons, uni fees, house deposits, a bit of a cushion while they try to get onto the career ladder.

In retirement, you will feel way safer if you have a good pension. Houses won't keep going up and up in value because younger people can't afford them.

I just...wouldn't. You have such a good work life balance right now, taking DC to and from nursery 4 times a week, WFH so often etc. Do not make the mistake so many high earners make, of thinking lower paid jobs ask less of you. You could be racing around, stressed to your eyeballs, earning peanuts.

Original poster

fieldmouse231 · 05/02/2026 13:26

AwfullyGood · 05/02/2026 13:17

Practice your on paper reduced income budget for 3 months i.e. give yourselfs £3k as opposed to £5k a month or whatever it works out.

Put the diffrrence straight to savings on pay day and have a rule that you can't touch it.

See what living on the reduced amoubt is truely like in reality.

That’s a good idea 👍

OP posts:

ADogRocketShip · 05/02/2026 13:25

I wouldn't, no.

You already have a set up most people are striving for - you have £80K income and good career prospects, a mortgage that's more than affordable, ability to save, flexibility and WFH 3 days per week.

People on here are always absolutely adamant that in their particular industry they could waltz right back into a good paying role if it went pear shaped, but I honestly haven't met many at all in the real world where this is at all true (except teachers). You have to factor in the loss of pension over these years, which on £80Kpa would be a good amount currently. It seems odd for you to step back when you're the bigger earner too - I know you say DH has good trajectory and is career focused, but right now the reality is you are the breadwinner in this set up.

I'd stay at your current role, but look to drop to 4 days if you really want to. I'd spread that over 5 days and work condensed hours. Also, on WFH days you'll likely be able to squeeze in drop off for school run and stuff anyway. It probably feels a bigger issue now as your DC is only 1yr.

In particular, the red flag for me is moving out to Bath and then DH needing to be away 3 nights a week. Regardless of working or not, you'll be busy doing absolutely everything for the kids. I'd do anything to avoid that scenario and would try and find a relocation area where DH could be home each night.

Irememberwhenitwasallfieldsroundhere · 05/02/2026 13:25

Oh and I think as someone else might have said, the more senior you are the easier it is to negotiate leaving for school plays, parents evenings etc. Minimum wage jobs are really not always low stress and don't underestimate the autonomy and freedom that comes with seniority. It's really valuable when bringing up children.

Motheranddaughter · 05/02/2026 13:25

I always say this on these threads
But I think it’s worth saying
IME ,having seen so many people do it ,it is do easy for women to give up a job when they have children,and so difficult to get back at the same level later on
I might in your circumstances try going part time in your current job, take your next mat leave and see how you feel then
I worked 3 days until my youngest went to school and then built up ,fairly slowly to full time
More or less at the level I would have at if I had not gone part time/ had children