Is my DS’s tutor being unreasonable

Apologies for the double post!

Piano teacher here.

I used to offer roll overs for cancelled lessons. But now I have stopped, as when it came to my end of year finances I realised that rolling over for illness/granny is visiting/its just too nice a day to play piano/snow/black ice/ive had my eyebrows threaded and my eyes are so sore I don't want to be seen in public/I forgot what day it is/bad traffic (all of these were ACTUAL REASONS AND ALL EXPECTES REFUND/ROLL OVER because "oh now you have a free afternoon." No I dont, I have 4 - 6 hours tutoring a day, packed to the rafters with a waiting list of people wanting to start. Anyway, when I added up how much that cost me it wasn't hundreds, it was thousands a year it cost to roll over. Now it is 48 hours notice and all lessons paid for a term in advance. No exceptions. My mortgage and bills dont roll over or refund me and they come out every month like clockwork. I do not understand why parents/clients think that self employed people magically exist on nothing.
Whether you have recommended her to others is neither here nor there. If shes anything like me she'll have a full schedule and a waiting list of clients, and I haven't advertised in years.
If you had a meeting at work, and your boss cancelled it last minute, would you be happy to lose that hours/days pay?
Please don't treat tutors like they are indebted to you. She has set out the terms. You have no right to try and argue with them, it is hee business and her livelihood and not yours to try and bend the rules. The rules, if she is anything like me, will have been put in place after years (decades!) of being treated like this.

Piano teacher here.

I used to offer roll overs for cancelled lessons. But now I have stopped, as when it came to my end of year finances I realised that rolling over for illness/granny is visiting/its just too nice a day to play piano/snow/black ice/ive had my eyebrows threaded and my eyes are so sore I don't want to be seen in public/I forgot what day it is/bad traffic (all of these were ACTUAL REASONS AND ALL EXPECTES REFUND/ROLL OVER because "oh now you have a free afternoon." No I dont, I have 4 - 6 hours tutoring a day, packed to the rafters with a waiting list of people wanting to start. Anyway, when I added up how much that cost me it wasn't hundreds, it was thousands a year it cost to roll over. Now it is 48 hours notice and all lessons paid for a term in advance. No exceptions. My mortgage and bills dont roll over or refund me and they come out every month like clockwork. I do not understand why parents/clients think that self employed people magically exist on nothing.
Whether you have recommended her to others is neither here nor there. If shes anything like me she'll have a full schedule and a waiting list of clients, and I haven't advertised in years.
If you had a meeting at work, and your boss cancelled it last minute, would you be happy to lose that hours/days pay?
Please don't treat tutors like they are indebted to you. She has set out the terms. You have no right to try and argue with them, it is hee business and her livelihood and not yours to try and bend the rules. The rules, if she is anything like me, will have been put in place after years (decades!) of being treated like this.

OP, it is the tutor's job. She has probably turned down other potential clients because that time was reserved for your son. If all her pupils could just cancel at short notice, for whatever reason (which might be invented, though I’m not suggesting yours is), how could she make a dependable living? It was good of her to offer an alternative - not all tutors, or instrumental teachers etc., would do that.

Imagine you had a job in a hairdressing salon. If your boss sometimes told you at short notice that you could have an hour off because there were no customers booked, but you weren’t going to get paid for that time, would you be happy with that?

Who do you suggest pays the tutor's bills? Mortgage / rent whatever?
She's done more than enough offering you an alternative. I send work via email for them to do when they're feeling better.

My God how can you not see you’re being so unreasonable.

She offered to roll over the lesson when she was ill because shes the one offering the service and had to cancel. If she rolled over the lesson for every single student she had every time they couldn’t make a session her schedule would be absolute mayhem and she’d also get people taking the absolute piss cancelling for no reason because they knew they could just reschedule.

She doesn’t need to bow down to you because you recommended her to a few friends, she would have got the work without you.

A little reminder, the world doesn’t revolve around you. If you pay for a service at a certain time and then drop out, sometimes you’re not going to get your money back or be able to rearrange because these people have a living to earn and other customers to serve.

I'm a tutor. Your son's tutor has been more than fair in offering an alternative slot.
My best one was a mother insisting that because her child had turned up 10 minutes late for an online lesson she should either pay a reduced rate for the lesson or I should make up the 10 minutes at a time to suit her. Said child was 18, doing A levels. Um, no.

Try this with your dentist next time you cancel on the day. See how you get on.

I have been unwell since Saturday and I had a hygienist appointment at the dentist at 10.30 on Monday morning. I obviously couldn't cancel until Monday morning but I called as soon as they opened. I had my card ready in case I had to pay for cancelling at such short notice. They didn't charge me and I hope that someone else called shortly after and was offered the appointment because the next appointment available for me is 6 weeks away.

OP the tutor is being totally reasonable and indeed generous to offer an alternative slot at the weekend. Why should she be out of pocket through no fault of her own?

She rolled it over because she was ill, that is very simple business sense. Your son being ill is not her fault. Im struggling to see how you dont see the difference. She has been more than accommodating offering a weekend slot that you dont want because he has a sports club.

People always become incredibly ingenious with their justifications when they don't want to pay what they owe.

Its standard for you to pay for a short notice cancellation anywhere when the cancellation is from your side.

Most of my DD’s activities are paid termly or monthly in advance. If they don’t go I still pay, that’s what I signed up to. If the provider cancels I get a refund/credit as then it is their fault.

There are two activities where I pay weekly and if I give more than 24 hours’ notice can cancel and not pay, but these are the exception.

There is no way she would fill that slot today.

But there will be no lesson today so part of me feels why should I pay?
Using that theory, if you were too unwell to take a flight, go to the theatre or concert, would you expect that to be refunded too?

YABU. Everyone else has already said everything that needs saying.

YABVU indeed. She even offered you an alternative, and you still aren’t satisfied. You booked her time, so pay for it.

She can’t fill that slot at short notice. You wanted that slot held for you on a weekly or whatever basis. So pay for it.
Your son can miss the sports club and do his lesson, which tutor has kindly offered.

I really hope this turns out to be a reverse, because if the OP is genuine, she's insanely unreasonable.

YABVU. If you cancelled a hairdresser, holiday etc on the same day you wouldn't get your money back. She was INCREDIBLY generous to offer the weekend time.

Yes, she rolled it over because she was the one cancelling it. So she was inconveniencing you. You can’t honestly think it’s acceptable to cancel, a short notice as well, and then expect her just to suck up the loss of income. When people say stuff like this, I actually think they do know they’re being unreasonable but they’re just wanting lots of people to tell them how to get their money back. She’s offered you an alternative which she didn’t have to do and if you can’t take that well, that’s your problem. If she rolls it over to next month as you suggest she will be either having to use time that somebody else would be paying for so she’s still down one hours money or she has to use time that she has set aside for herself. Maybe you think that she shouldn’t have any downtimeand she should just hang around and wait for when it suits you?

I think it's good advice from pp to cancel his sports activity. Then you can take advantage of the tuition.

She’s being generous. Our tutor offers one or two alternatives but I don’t actually expect it if we cancel at short notice

Read the room OP- you’re being unreasonable. When your child is sick from sports or other activities do you demand a refund? Every activity I have ever done is really clear on the T&C that you pay a term in advance and if you can’t make it then tough. That obviously stings a bit more for the more expensive things like tutoring or music but you have to just suck it up.

If this was your business and source of income OP, what would YOU do? Moving a day reduces next month's income.

Also, if you're doing something nice like recommending services, don't cast it up. How petty.