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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To do this over email?

134 replies

WellErrrr · 03/02/2026 11:42

I run a business and have recently employed the services of a self employed marketing assistant. She has been coming into the office one day a week and the plan was for this to be long term. However - she’s not great unfortunately and has actually made quite a few mistakes in a short space of time which have ended up costing us. She is a lovely person though and very enthusiastic, but it can’t continue sadly.

I have managed to spread her tasks amongst other team members and no longer want to use her services. I discussed this with another senior staff member who said I need to do this over the phone. However, personally I’d rather have a kind email than be put on the spot out of the blue on an unexpected phone call. I’m not planning to list her shortcomings on the email, just thank her for her work and we don’t need her any more etc.

YABU - call her
YANBU - a kind email is fine

OP posts:
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PeoplesNet · 08/07/2026 00:06

WellErrrr · 03/02/2026 12:14

Thank you.

Just for context:

  • I am not a business person. I’ve been pushed into running this family business by circumstance. Not that that lets me off being a coward, but I’m doing my best.
  • I am almost hyperventilating at the thought of calling. I will mess it up. I will say the wrong thing. I will promise to create a role, or waffle, or upset her. I’m terrible at this.
  • Personally I’d hate to be called.

I suppose I was just posting to hope that it would be ok to email. ☹️

There’s no way to ‘manage’ this situation, I don’t want to into details as it would be outing but she is fundamentally not right for the business and definitely over-promised on her skill sets.

Email is perfectly fine. For your exact circumstances. If you messed up on the call, as you worry you might, it could really hurt her.

However, you do have the option of writing a script and practising it. Try to think of questions she might have. So, when asked for specifics, just repeat that the email will provide as much clarity as you're able to give. It's a good opportunity for you to practise being direct and dealing with challenging situations.

And if she really did blag the job (can you blame her) then she is likely expecting it. Soften the blow by telling her she will get a great reference.

Coco1379 · 07/02/2026 23:42

You need to see her in person!

Oftenaddled · 06/02/2026 13:05

WellErrrr · 06/02/2026 09:54

I did it by email, it was taken very well and we will keep in touch. She’s a lovely woman.

Out of interest I did ask would she have preferred me to call. She said for her, email every time as you get a moment to digest without needing to immediately respond.

So alls well that ends well. Thanks for the insights.

Nice to hear back. Thank you, and well done

UnhappyHobbit · 06/02/2026 10:54

Excellent! We are all very different, however as a fellow member of team email, I’m pleased it worked best for you and her.

WellErrrr · 06/02/2026 09:54

Netcurtainnelly · 04/02/2026 16:50

Is the OP coming back or is another one where people invest and don't get a response to their efforts to help.

What did she say OP?

I did it by email, it was taken very well and we will keep in touch. She’s a lovely woman.

Out of interest I did ask would she have preferred me to call. She said for her, email every time as you get a moment to digest without needing to immediately respond.

So alls well that ends well. Thanks for the insights.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 05/02/2026 10:37

As this person is supplier not an employee the aagreement will need to be terminated by email I assume

Floundering66 · 05/02/2026 00:53

Emails are cop outs in these situations. I’d make the call (although I hate it) and follow up with an email.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 04/02/2026 18:54

Email so it's on record.

Netcurtainnelly · 04/02/2026 16:50

Is the OP coming back or is another one where people invest and don't get a response to their efforts to help.

What did she say OP?

Growlybear83 · 04/02/2026 16:25

At the very least you should phone her, but I think it would be far more courteous to speak to her in person when she is next due to come into the office. It would be incredibly rude to dismiss her by email.

Oftenaddled · 04/02/2026 16:20

I've had to address problems after other people perhaps messed up the phone call. Or perhaps the recipient has struggled to process and misunderstood. A carefully considered email is a much safer option, and I would definitely offer a follow up conversation if anyone wanted it.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 04/02/2026 11:57

I've been let go in a similar position (I fucked up, was a well deserved firing tbh) over the phone and 100% would've preferred it over email, I think both of us would've done tbh.

FeedingPidgeons · 04/02/2026 09:50

WellErrrr · 03/02/2026 12:14

Thank you.

Just for context:

  • I am not a business person. I’ve been pushed into running this family business by circumstance. Not that that lets me off being a coward, but I’m doing my best.
  • I am almost hyperventilating at the thought of calling. I will mess it up. I will say the wrong thing. I will promise to create a role, or waffle, or upset her. I’m terrible at this.
  • Personally I’d hate to be called.

I suppose I was just posting to hope that it would be ok to email. ☹️

There’s no way to ‘manage’ this situation, I don’t want to into details as it would be outing but she is fundamentally not right for the business and definitely over-promised on her skill sets.

You need to do this the right way, and it's totally unacceptable to let someone go by email.

NotnowMildrid · 04/02/2026 08:57

YANBU
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a kindly worded email.

If anything you could cause a lot more damage by calling. You could say the wrong thing and she’ll gauge the tone and awkwardness of your voice, which would be excruciating for both of you.

Chasingsquirrels · 04/02/2026 08:47

TBH I don't think I would be writing a "kind" email either.
This service provider hasn't provided their services correctly and has cost you money.
I would be stating this as the reason for immediate termination, as they may have a notice clause in their contract - which I would want to argue as voided due to their poor service provision.

dudsville · 04/02/2026 08:43

Whenever I have to break unwanted news, I write to give them a heads up, state the outcome and the rationale behind it so that they can begin processing in private, but in that letter I offer a meeting time and date to talk. When you cold call people with unexpected news they can struggle to properly listen because they're understandably preoccupied.

AnnieLummox · 04/02/2026 08:38

LegoLivingRoom · 03/02/2026 20:17

It’s really not the same. The OP says that she has other clients. It’s totally normal to lose clients on occasion.

I would be bemused and consider it unprofessional to get an out of the blue phone call (or worse, a face to face meeting) for this. Email, with a potential call/meeting would be fine.

You would consider a phone call “unprofessional”?

Sunsetseascape · 03/02/2026 22:45

AnnieLummox · 03/02/2026 18:29

But isn’t the email out of the blue too? How is it any better?

Because you’re not an expected to immediately digest and respond to an email. On the phone, you’re on the spot and may not quite know how to respond. I’d feel a bit awkward receiving that phone call and would rather have a polite email confirming it.

LegoLivingRoom · 03/02/2026 20:17

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 03/02/2026 20:03

That’s why I said “essentially” because she’s not being made redundant but it’s pretty much the same thing- being told you’re no longer required for a job and won’t be paid any more.

It’s really not the same. The OP says that she has other clients. It’s totally normal to lose clients on occasion.

I would be bemused and consider it unprofessional to get an out of the blue phone call (or worse, a face to face meeting) for this. Email, with a potential call/meeting would be fine.

HappiestSleeping · 03/02/2026 20:09

I have made a point of doing this sort of thing in person during my career. The first time I had to let someone go, it was awful, and I hated every moment of it. Face to face is the only way, in my humble opinion.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 03/02/2026 20:03

GloryDias · 03/02/2026 19:52

She hasn't though, she's not an employee

That’s why I said “essentially” because she’s not being made redundant but it’s pretty much the same thing- being told you’re no longer required for a job and won’t be paid any more.

UnhappyHobbit · 03/02/2026 19:59

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 03/02/2026 17:58

Email to say you haven’t been successful at interview is very different to essentially being sacked/made redundant.

Is it though? My time has still been wasted by interviews and they don’t have the decency to phone me. Like I said, it’s probably best to email her first, then follow it up with a call. Especially if the OP is scared she won’t be able to have the conversation.

GloryDias · 03/02/2026 19:52

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 03/02/2026 17:58

Email to say you haven’t been successful at interview is very different to essentially being sacked/made redundant.

She hasn't though, she's not an employee

LegoLivingRoom · 03/02/2026 19:17

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 03/02/2026 17:56

I can almost guarantee there’s an age split on the vote here, with the “phone call” brigade being over 40 (like me) and the majority of “email” voters being younger. Maybe if she’s young she’d prefer an email?!

I doubt it’s an age thing. More people confusing being a self-employed contractor with being an employee (hence comments about her being fired/made redundant, when it’s no such thing).

I’m over 40 and would expect/want an email if my services for contracted work were no longer needed.

PloddingAlong21 · 03/02/2026 19:15

Hoppinggreen · 03/02/2026 18:12

Its not a firing though, its terminating service
OP needs to bide by the T's and C's of any contract and she can soften the blow a bit but nobody is getting fired

You’re correct, technically it isn’t firing as she is not an employee. However in reality if you are using someone’s services and no longer need them, telling them you don’t need them is in essence the same thing (ignoring the technical details). The decent thing, and grown up thing to do, is phone that person.

This person also has her own business and it’s her livelihood. She will 100% want notice to plan but also feedback so she can improve.

How would anyone feel being let go via email with no reason as to why so they can learn etc?

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