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Original poster

To name all of your children after your ex husband

295 replies

Caterpillarhopping · 02/02/2026 20:58

I made a discovery about someone I've been friends with a couple of years. She has 4 children. I know her through work and we get on well but I've never known the ins and outs of her life. It came up today that she was married to her eldest child's Dad and took his surname so eldest daughter is Katie "Blogs". She went on to have 3 more children each by different men. She retained her married surname and gave that to each of the children. Second child only has the "Blogs" surname, the one after that is double barrelled and the 4th Blogs.

I sort of understand Mums logic, that she kept the same name as the eldest child (& it's absolutely not my business) but Is it not a touch weird to be sporting your ex husbands name 20 years later and have lots of children named after a man that's nothing to do with them,?

OP posts:
Muffsies · 03/02/2026 21:22

Caterpillarhopping · 02/02/2026 21:05

That would have been a much better story. Haha!

It's just me then. I think it's a bit odd to keep your exes surname and use it on subsequent children.

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Kids with the same name has happened!

I went to primary school with a family who's kids names were: Johnny, Sunny, Felix, Felix, and.. Felix.

Johnny told me his mum decided she really liked the name Felix and just stuck with it. The kids def all had the same dad bc they were a gypsy family.

FrozenFebruary · 03/02/2026 21:16

LemaxObsessive · 02/02/2026 23:32

Yeah that’s really creepy and misleading

Misleading?

that they have their MOTHERS surname??

I think 1950 is missing a lot of people ...

FrozenFebruary · 03/02/2026 21:13

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 06:56

But the mother has the “sperm donor” of her first child’s name. Ridiculous comment

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you are rude!

No, it's not ridiculous! When she got married she legally CHANGED her surname. She didn't borrow it! It became HER SURNAME which she is entitled to give to HER children. It is not an 'owned by' title children have to mark who fathered them.

its beyond belief this needs explaining in 2026

Brewtiful · 03/02/2026 20:54

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 20:22

Her birth name the perhaps . Or else the actual father’s name . It’s not the be all and end all having the same surname as your children .

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Why would she use her birth name when she now chooses to go by another name albeit the one she used to share with an ex?

I feel like at this point you're just enjoying the argument.

We all know it was his name, not one person has disputed that, and therefore your whole argument is she can't use it because it also happened to be his name. For all we know she's had the married name for longer than her maiden name so why shouldn't she use it? It's like you're just arguing for arguments sake when you don't actually have any reasonable argument beyond it was his name. Hmm

Binus · 03/02/2026 20:53

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 20:42

Just google do children traditionally take their mothers surname and see what comes up. The answer is very clear . I’m not saying I agree with it but its the way it is

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Yet again, whether children traditionally take their mother's surnames is not what you and I are discussing.

Mine and your google analytics won't necessarily be the same, so if you think something has come up in your googling that phrase that will explain how the name is technically or more the man's, you can cite it here.

Minjou · 03/02/2026 20:49

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 20:35

She literally CHANGED her name to a man’s name

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Yes. So now it's HER NAME. I just explained this to a four year old just to check at the level of understanding required for the concept.
She got it first try.

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/02/2026 20:49

Instead of changing my name on marriage, I had randomly changed my name (as I'm legally allowed to do in England), would you say that is now My Name... or would I just be borrowing that as well, and I'm really Old Name?

Minjou · 03/02/2026 20:47

KilkennyCats · 03/02/2026 18:53

Your posts are ridiculously patronising 😬
I can grasp it perfectly well, my post was (and it was clearly stated actually, what did you have trouble grasping?) written on the assumption that the lady in question had married again.
This may or may not have been the case.

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It's not patronising when we need to talk all the way down to you.

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 03/02/2026 20:47

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 20:35

She literally CHANGED her name to a man’s name

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Yes. She changed her name to his. That name now hers.

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 20:42

Binus · 03/02/2026 20:36

Yes, we know it would be the woman taking the man's name. What we're talking about is why, when both parents have the same surname and use it for their child, the surname is more or technically the man's. There's still a big gap where your explanation for that should be, even after reading the rest of your posts on this thread.

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Just google do children traditionally take their mothers surname and see what comes up. The answer is very clear . I’m not saying I agree with it but its the way it is

Binus · 03/02/2026 20:36

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 13:15

In this extremely unlikely situation, it is still taking the man’s name .

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Yes, we know it would be the woman taking the man's name. What we're talking about is why, when both parents have the same surname and use it for their child, the surname is more or technically the man's. There's still a big gap where your explanation for that should be, even after reading the rest of your posts on this thread.

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 20:35

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 03/02/2026 20:30

Because the woman in question did choose to change her name. Therefore her married name is her name unless she chooses to change it again.

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She literally CHANGED her name to a man’s name

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 03/02/2026 20:30

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 20:25

Sorry but I find that pathetic. My name is my name since birth. Not some man who’s name I decided to take when I married (which personally I didn’t do) my name is literally my name since I was born why would I take some man’s name

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Because the woman in question did choose to change her name. Therefore her married name is her name unless she chooses to change it again.

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 20:25

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 03/02/2026 20:03

which is now hers

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Sorry but I find that pathetic. My name is my name since birth. Not some man who’s name I decided to take when I married (which personally I didn’t do) my name is literally my name since I was born why would I take some man’s name

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 20:22

Brewtiful · 03/02/2026 19:49

But it was still her name too, what name should she have given them?

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Her birth name the perhaps . Or else the actual father’s name . It’s not the be all and end all having the same surname as your children .

Genevieva · 03/02/2026 20:07

AgentPidge · 03/02/2026 20:05

Just deviating a little - I've found when doing family tree stuff that in the olden days, women who were divorced, abandoned or widowed often gave subsequent DC the previous DH's name. Sometimes that man had been dead for years! But it was to escape the stigma of DC being born out of wedlock.

And it was because it was her name.

AgentPidge · 03/02/2026 20:05

Just deviating a little - I've found when doing family tree stuff that in the olden days, women who were divorced, abandoned or widowed often gave subsequent DC the previous DH's name. Sometimes that man had been dead for years! But it was to escape the stigma of DC being born out of wedlock.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/02/2026 20:04

The name is hers. She gave her dc her name.

The idea than men own names and women don't is innately sexist.

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 03/02/2026 20:03

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 19:49

No she didn’t . She gave them HER EX’S name

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which is now hers

CypressGrove · 03/02/2026 20:02

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 19:49

No she didn’t . She gave them HER EX’S name

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Which also happens to be HER name.

Brewtiful · 03/02/2026 19:49

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 19:49

No she didn’t . She gave them HER EX’S name

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But it was still her name too, what name should she have given them?

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 19:49

Minjou · 03/02/2026 17:40

No. Louder for those in the back...she gave them HER NAME.

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No she didn’t . She gave them HER EX’S name

CypressGrove · 03/02/2026 19:47

KilkennyCats · 03/02/2026 18:16

I’m confused as to why someone would take their husband’s name, divorce and then when marrying again; not take her current husband’s name, but retain the first one’s.
There’s a distinct lack of consistency there, don’t you think?
If HER NAME was so important to her, you’d imagine she wouldn’t have ditched the original one so readily.

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I have a friend that changed her name to her first husband's name and has kept it the same even after remarriage. The name goes well with her first name and she likes it. The fact she changed it once on marriage doesn't mean she had to change it again on the second marriage at all.

CypressGrove · 03/02/2026 19:42

Kikimusnik · 03/02/2026 17:50

Somebody I know, kept her ex husband's name after divorce. Then the second husband took her ex's name on and double barreled it with his own... Each to own I suppose?!

The the second husband took HER name on and double barrelled it with his own. It's irrelevant where she got her name from.

Arlanymor · 03/02/2026 19:32

KilkennyCats · 03/02/2026 19:26

You responded to my posts? They were clearly addressing another poster, that wasn’t hidden from you, it’s right there in the quote.
Maybe read properly before jumping on people in future?

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Not clear from your later posts jumping all over other people actually. You kept up your argument as a generalist assumption and later on it wasn't in response to anyone expect those who disagreed with you. Perfectly capable of reading thanks - also very much did not jump on you. It's called 'asking questions'.