I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

Nope and I think you’re very kind as it is. He needs to learn to drive so it’s not all on yoi

But if parents want to give their child one to onetime they don’t get to demand that the other parent facilitates it ‘or else you won’t see them at all’ that’s coercive black mail

Your big assumption is that single mums get uc, I don’t and I spend more than £500 a month on one child let alone two.

I agree it’s such a trope. I get no UC despite being a part time single mum, as I worked my arse off for years establishing a professional career before having children and have a mortgage so I earn too highly. It doesn’t mean that £450 a month from my ex touches the sides when the nursery fees are over 1k though!

Wow! Some brutal comments on here!
Given that their Mum keeps moving, 2.5 days EOW is reasonable, especially when you’re doing all the picking up and dropping off.
£500 maintainence is okay especially when you pay for other extras too.
At the end of the day Mum will potentially getting any UC and the child benefit, so she’s hardly bringing them up on thin air.
So many assumptions!

Do you have children? Your partner has taken them away and you’ve not managed to stop it. Your new partner who doesn’t love your children has said I’m not leaving. What do you do? Who do you choose?

I can tell by your comment you choose comfort and your new partner each time.

A court order is definitely needed here. Those poor kids. Both parents need to step up and sort this out once and for all.

But why should they change this way?
if mum wants 1-1 on her weekends she can arrange alternative childcare or playdates locally.
if dad wants 1-1 time that’s up to him to decide and organize IF he wants to. He can decide during his parenting time whether he wants this or both boys together.
I am usually on birth mums side when step mums post but I totally am
on your side here op, mum is being unreasonable and down right strange

Yanbu. She is deliberately making things hard.

Quite but if both children are just staying with Dad for a day or two and one wants to go to something inappropriate for the other child what do you do ?

The siblings in my case wanted to have occasional one to one times when the lad and his Dad could go to the footie without a bored sister/daughter and the daughter and her Dad skating without a bored son/brother.What is the ‘other’ sibling supposed to do when one is having one to one time if the parents aren’t together ?

I am so sorry she is doing this. I went through almost exactly the same thing over 15 years with my now ex-husband (except it was 2.5 hours each way and both his children had severe developmental and behavioral disabilities). The ex in my case used the children every way she could to destroy our marriage. Either she dumped them on us or she denied access and made my ex spend agonising months dealing with her lawyers. I wish I had a simple answer but all I can say is that in hindsight, she definitely contributed to the marriage breakdown. I spent 9 years running around trying to either pick them up and make them feel welcome and happy or console my miserable husband when she pulled another stunt and denied access. It sucked all joy out of the marriage eventually, as it devolved into a neverending obsession with “the children” (his children, not my young daughter who wound up having to deal with this constant focus too). In retrospect, I would recommend marriage counseling (not “How do we do what’s best for the children” counseling but “How do we save our marriage while dealing with a vengeful ex and overwhelming guilt over the children caught in the middle” counseling. The stress and guilt twists into bitterness, depression, rebellion and blaming if it is not addressed holistically and it’s misery. We should have gotten help but both of us were too caught up with his children until it all snapped. At one point, during the divorce, he really shocked me when he said to me “I gave up my children for you”. I fired back with a reality check of everything I had given up to make his children happy and loved while he brooded over his ex-wife’s attacks. It exposed a hidden resentment in both of us which I had never even dared contemplate. He finally acknowledged that I had in fact done everything humanly possible for them but by that time there was no saving the marriage. So I would recommend seeing a very good therapist now and not making my mistakes. The ex-wife is not going to give up tormenting all of you and you need outside help for the sake of your sanity and marriage while protecting the children.

The old arrangement was a lot on you with that driving, let alone the new one!
You’re right to say no and sounds
like a court order is the way to go.
She may be shooting herself in the foot as maybe the court order will be the same as before plus tell her she has to do either drop off or pick up?
Thats what I’d hope anyway!

What’s going on here ? Not as it seems .. complex dynamics .. and weaponising of the children .. how on earth are they feeling ? Why on earth would they should they be separated- shunted back and forth .. seriously get a grip and sort it out legally .

If a non-resident parent objects to the other parent moving too far away they can apply for an Order to prevent or reverse the move. Particularly if it means a change of school.

Non-resident parents can’t be expected to trail after the children just because the other parent wants to move.

No child can dictate but of course a child can ask for 121 time and expect within reason to get it.
My son will ask for us to t
Go to the cinema or a theatre show. He knows it's unsuitable for the younger ones. So they stay with their Dad.

When they're older if thry ask then if course they'd get the same thing.

I would never say "absolutely not, we just always all be in the same room together until you move out"

You seriously think he should follow his children??? Each time the ex moves, he and the OP pack up their lives and move too???

So you'd have your child living with you in unsuitable housing and struggle to support them financially when they're with you / pay bare minimum child support, you'd isolate yourself from everyone bar your kids putting your mental health at risk further impacting your ability to care for them? That isn't what's best for your child tho.

The teen siblings expressed a preference for having occasional one to one time with their father without the other sibling being bored. A lot of girls wouldn’t want to go to a football match. As I said, it wasn’t every time.

In a together family the sibling not spending time with the one parent would likely be with their other parent.

No. He follows his children.

I've read about parents (mums)literally giving up everything to be near their children. Why is the ops dh exempt from that?

If for some crazy reason my dh had full time custody. And he was a twat and kept moving. I’d still be there for my kids. My job might be shit. My home crap. I might not have family/friends/new partner around me. But my kids would know I was always there.

Or I could think fuck it. Re marry. And moan. No one benefits. But I’d get a lot of mumsnetters feeling sorry for me. I may even start a whole new family.

Sorry just re-read the posts

If he's sad about not seeing them, maybe he can learn to drive? Small price to pay...
Looks like he wants his cake etc etc

Read the thread

This is so weird, in a together family, siblings can’t dictate that other siblings can’t be around - its nonsense. Obviously I believe you @grumpygrape but It’s a good illustration of separated family insanity

This seems odd to me and financially more expensive because if you take one to say the cinema you have to pay twice for the 2 adults like wise for meal out, plus what happens to visiting Husband side of the family do all mamber have to be available every weekend.

She is also messing with the boys time together Why would she not want her sons to spend quality time with each other on the weekend?