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AIBU?

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Original poster

I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

687 replies

ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:15

AIBU - looking for thoughts.

DH has 2 ds ages 8 and 10

For years he’s had the system with ex we have them every other weekend fri aft school and drop them to school on the Monday (well I pick up and drop off as dh doesn’t drive it’s an hour each way!)

This is mutual agreement not a court order.

His ex now wants to change that we have them separately - one each weekend and for me to pick up early sat and drop back Sunday morning.

I’ve said no I won’t facilitate. so dh has said no and she is saying no contact then! It has been left in a sour way as he told her no negotiations just that we will get a court order to stick to what we’ve always done.

We like to have more time with them . They like to do the same things - together.
Plus we love our childfree time too. But now dh very down as this weekend we were meant to have them .

AIBU to have said I won’t facilitate this ? It seems a big step back. Less time for them with dh too of its weekly how she wants ???

OP posts:
Millytante · 30/01/2026 17:23

Don’t even think about a court order until your husband starts bloody well driving.
What a setup, whereby this fractured family can’t arrange their shared parenting unless you provide the means for half of it. How did he manage before you cane on the scene?
And now you are expected to surrender your remaining free Saturdays, and chauffeur those trips too. Screw that, in my book.

Pinkyelloworangeandred · 30/01/2026 17:22

Could you possibly have them both for two weeks of the month and then 1 each for remaining weekend? 1-1 is nice imo - maybe there's some issues going on she's trying to address? But that does mean less time with their dad...

Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:22

FreshInks · 30/01/2026 17:20

Why is your DH not putting things in place to facilitate time with his DC?

He is ? We have had them every other weekend fri afternoon to mon mornings every other weekend . We take them to a holiday every year in summer he spends a lot of time with them and tries very hard.

OP posts:
stargirl27 · 30/01/2026 17:22

ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:15

AIBU - looking for thoughts.

DH has 2 ds ages 8 and 10

For years he’s had the system with ex we have them every other weekend fri aft school and drop them to school on the Monday (well I pick up and drop off as dh doesn’t drive it’s an hour each way!)

This is mutual agreement not a court order.

His ex now wants to change that we have them separately - one each weekend and for me to pick up early sat and drop back Sunday morning.

I’ve said no I won’t facilitate. so dh has said no and she is saying no contact then! It has been left in a sour way as he told her no negotiations just that we will get a court order to stick to what we’ve always done.

We like to have more time with them . They like to do the same things - together.
Plus we love our childfree time too. But now dh very down as this weekend we were meant to have them .

AIBU to have said I won’t facilitate this ? It seems a big step back. Less time for them with dh too of its weekly how she wants ???

YANBU and I'd be very surprised if the court ordered the kids saw dad separately, unless there was a serious reason. I have been a family solicitor for years and saw it once, due to very specific circumstances relating to one of the children's MH.

Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:21

Ponderingwindow · 30/01/2026 17:19

You are perfectly within your rights to say you won’t personally provide transportation. It is up to him to figure out the actual schedule, even if that ends up being every weekend, though one night and the children never together sounds like an awful plan.

If he can’t transport the children himself easily, he should consider relocating.

No because we are settle and happy here and have work family etc, his ex chose to move away 3 times now she didn’t need to but she wanted to. I have been happy to help as dh can’t drive but we aren’t chasing her round the country

OP posts:
FreshInks · 30/01/2026 17:20

Why is your DH not putting things in place to facilitate time with his DC?

Cupboarddoorknob · 30/01/2026 17:20

Yanbu this is unreasonable behaviour on her part and quite odd ?

Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:19

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 30/01/2026 17:18

Why does she want this arrangement? Seems odd to me. Unfortunately I think you will need to get a court order.

she has not given any clear reason , she said a little about wanting quality time with them 1-1 and that dh should be having the same.They get on well and enjoy the same activities though? It’s always fine and they are happy together and so I don’t really understand. To me it feels like disrupting us ?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 30/01/2026 17:19

You are perfectly within your rights to say you won’t personally provide transportation. It is up to him to figure out the actual schedule, even if that ends up being every weekend, though one night and the children never together sounds like an awful plan.

If he can’t transport the children himself easily, he should consider relocating.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 30/01/2026 17:18

Why does she want this arrangement? Seems odd to me. Unfortunately I think you will need to get a court order.

Idontspeakgermansorry · 30/01/2026 17:17

YANBU. What are her reasons for trying to do this?

I would go to court and get the arrangement formalised.

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 30/01/2026 17:16

Sounds like something a court order needs to set out. If she won't negotiate with your DH there's not really another way to maintain contact unless you do it her way. Seems odd though to never see the kids together.

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