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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

687 replies

ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:15

AIBU - looking for thoughts.

DH has 2 ds ages 8 and 10

For years he’s had the system with ex we have them every other weekend fri aft school and drop them to school on the Monday (well I pick up and drop off as dh doesn’t drive it’s an hour each way!)

This is mutual agreement not a court order.

His ex now wants to change that we have them separately - one each weekend and for me to pick up early sat and drop back Sunday morning.

I’ve said no I won’t facilitate. so dh has said no and she is saying no contact then! It has been left in a sour way as he told her no negotiations just that we will get a court order to stick to what we’ve always done.

We like to have more time with them . They like to do the same things - together.
Plus we love our childfree time too. But now dh very down as this weekend we were meant to have them .

AIBU to have said I won’t facilitate this ? It seems a big step back. Less time for them with dh too of its weekly how she wants ???

OP posts:
Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:36

KitsyWitsy · 30/01/2026 17:34

You should have them both, every weekend. Why doesn’t he want to see his kids? Every other weekend is pathetic.

Because we have a balance we work hard and the weekend they are not here we have to do other things

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 30/01/2026 17:35

KitsyWitsy · 30/01/2026 17:34

You should have them both, every weekend. Why doesn’t he want to see his kids? Every other weekend is pathetic.

If I was the mother I would never choose this. I want weekend time with my children also.

KitsyWitsy · 30/01/2026 17:34

You should have them both, every weekend. Why doesn’t he want to see his kids? Every other weekend is pathetic.

TeenLifeMum · 30/01/2026 17:31

Your argument needs to be focused on what’s best for the dc rather than what’s most convenient for you. That said, I wouldn’t agree with splitting the dc - it’s important for them to stay together imo. She can’t argue with “that’s not in the best interests of the Dc”.

the fact you drive and dh can’t really isn’t the mum’s issue. And eow is bare minimum parenting. Throw in £250 a month per dc - bet the mum spends more than that on them.

Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:31

cadburyegg · 30/01/2026 17:29

EOW and 1 holiday a year isn’t loads of time - it’s the bare minimum.

I agree 2 sides to every story. Is the mum struggling? Kids arguing/not getting along? If she has said NC there must be more to it.

How much maintenance does your dh pay just out of interest?

Show quote history

£500 per month

OP posts:
CinnamonBuns67 · 30/01/2026 17:30

I'd take her to court as she's threatening him with him having no contact with the kids if she doesn't get what she wants. Take to mediation and then do the C100 form.

Netcurtainnelly · 30/01/2026 17:30

How selfish. I hope it backfires on her. So determined to be in control is she, that she is prepared to hurt and upset her own children.

cadburyegg · 30/01/2026 17:29

ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:22

He is ? We have had them every other weekend fri afternoon to mon mornings every other weekend . We take them to a holiday every year in summer he spends a lot of time with them and tries very hard.

Show quote history

EOW and 1 holiday a year isn’t loads of time - it’s the bare minimum.

I agree 2 sides to every story. Is the mum struggling? Kids arguing/not getting along? If she has said NC there must be more to it.

How much maintenance does your dh pay just out of interest?

Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:29

We work longer hours in the week to ensure we don’t have to work at weekends so that we can have this set up

OP posts:
DidILeaveTheGasOn · 30/01/2026 17:29

Did your dh say no first, or did he meekly turn to you and ask if you'd do the driving every week?

Roselily123 · 30/01/2026 17:28

Don’t split them x

Flowersbloominwinter · 30/01/2026 17:28

FreshInks · 30/01/2026 17:20

Why is your DH not putting things in place to facilitate time with his DC?

What are you on about??!

MsSquiz · 30/01/2026 17:28

Your DH needs to speak to a solicitor asap about mediation and getting a court order arranged if mediation doesn’t work.

if she has moved away, the hand overs should be shared

Flowersbloominwinter · 30/01/2026 17:27

hopspot · 30/01/2026 17:24

Is it possible that your DH could learn to drive?

How would that solve the issue?

Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:27

FreshInks · 30/01/2026 17:25

But he isn’t if it has been left up to you to do the drop off and pick ups. From what you said, your refusal to do it is the reason he has said no to the new contact arrangement.

Show quote history

I’ve been happy to do it as she kept moving further away and it was important to maintain regular contact. This though just feels deliberately difficult on her part to inconvenience

OP posts:
Twoshoesnewshoes · 30/01/2026 17:26

A court order may not be helpful for you - the existing set up you have of every other weekend and nothing in the week is low contact - doesn’t your DH want see his kids more?
I agree the set up she’s requesting is a bit odd but I understand her reasons. Hopefully your DH can be more productive and involved around seeing his children more.

Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:26

Alwaysontherun · 30/01/2026 17:23

It sounds like their mum doesn’t want to be on her own the weekends that the boys are with their dad. I agree with what others are saying though about getting something more formal in place

She has been ok for years with it and they are happy and love to come here together so it’s really sad as they won’t want to be split up . Youngest too always wants to go to bed exact same time as oldest as hates to sleep alone so it will make him sad

OP posts:
JMSA · 30/01/2026 17:25

Has she mentioned why she has requested this? Is she struggling? Are the boys squabbling more than usual at home and they just need a temporary reset?
Two sides to every story.
And the odds are already stacked in your favour at 3 nights out of 14.

Neveranynamesleft · 30/01/2026 17:25

Get a court order, easier all round.

FreshInks · 30/01/2026 17:25

ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:22

He is ? We have had them every other weekend fri afternoon to mon mornings every other weekend . We take them to a holiday every year in summer he spends a lot of time with them and tries very hard.

Show quote history

But he isn’t if it has been left up to you to do the drop off and pick ups. From what you said, your refusal to do it is the reason he has said no to the new contact arrangement.

ExtraOnions · 30/01/2026 17:25

He sees them 2 days every 2 weeks, and doesn’t want to increase this to 2 days week? Does he see them any other time?

hopspot · 30/01/2026 17:24

Is it possible that your DH could learn to drive?

Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:24

Millytante · 30/01/2026 17:23

Don’t even think about a court order until your husband starts bloody well driving.
What a setup, whereby this fractured family can’t arrange their shared parenting unless you provide the means for half of it. How did he manage before you cane on the scene?
And now you are expected to surrender your remaining free Saturdays, and chauffeur those trips too. Screw that, in my book.

He can’t drive for medical reasons

OP posts:
Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:23

Pinkyelloworangeandred · 30/01/2026 17:22

Could you possibly have them both for two weeks of the month and then 1 each for remaining weekend? 1-1 is nice imo - maybe there's some issues going on she's trying to address? But that does mean less time with their dad...

No because it wouldn’t work with school as it’s an hour away .

OP posts:
Alwaysontherun · 30/01/2026 17:23

It sounds like their mum doesn’t want to be on her own the weekends that the boys are with their dad. I agree with what others are saying though about getting something more formal in place

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