I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

Posters are giving her a hard time because she’s a step mum, and some people here really relish kicking step mums

Seems to me a court order should have been in place ages ago -then they might live nearer

Legal advice, now.

So you would restrict your own children happiness of a holiday, just because you will miss them.

How utterly selfish, and bad parenting

Utterly ridiculous from her, my sd mum tried this, wanted us to have every single Friday to early Sunday morning. We went to court in the end and got eow.
I long suspected it was to stop us having any sort of life and the judges right through it

Several reasons but the main one is because he has never had them for longer than a few days, so going from that to 10 days would be a big jump for them.

He wouldn’t want to have them for that long anyway so it’s never come up.

🙄

Because she married a man with dc. It’s always a risk dc will be with you more; mum might die, tricky ten years with boots, ds both decide they want to live with dad.

Im not saying that’s fair, but it’s what you accept when you marry a man with dc.

You need a court order.

Your DH can't drive for medical reasons but she still expects him to do all the running around despite the fact she chose to move away.

She refuses extra contact in the holidays and what she's proposing with weekends seems bonkers on the face of it.

£500 a month maintenance sounds plenty unless your DH is making loads of money. Can't believe people are saying it's not. I think people forget that dad doesn't have to pay for everything, the boys have a mother too

Not quite sure why so many posters are giving you a hard time

She's askung for something ridiculous that benefits no one least of all the children.
Makes no sense financially either In regards to double the trips .
Leave her be and tell she to try and stay in contact via other means until court is sorted .....
If it gets that far .

I know. I can't believe the sympathy here for this pathetic excuse of a father.

Can I point out, OP isn’t going to tell us how well her dp parents.

Maybe the ex is exasperated because after a weekend of dad dedicating his time to them, they come back to her hyper and badly behaved. Perhaps exthinks if he has one at a time they might settle back into routine more easily again. I could be completely wrong of course, but that would be one reason why she thinks he should only see one dc at a time.

SC aren’t OP’s children though. Why should she work all week then spend both of her weekend days parenting and driving around, to suit her partner’s ex?

OP I’m guessing her life is shit at the moment and that’s why she’s trying to start fights with you…

Why wouldn't you "allow" over 7 days? I get it's hard to miss the kids, but then any long distance holidays would be out of the question and the experience of the kids limited by parental imposed restrictions.

I asked for max 7 days up to a certain age, but after that 2 weeks is perfectly acceptable!

He isn't trying that hard if he told her no negotiations. I'd walk over hot coals to see my DC. If I was your DH I would have been at the school gates to pick them up on the Friday, not sitting back sulking because I hadn't got what I wanted. The mother is just as bad stopping all contact because she isn't getting her way. There are 2 children in the middle of 2 stubborn people refusing to negotiate. Very poor form on both sides.

We aren’t going to get an objective answer from op. We only hear her side. I can imagine a dozen reasons why she moved - my top four are: to be closer to family support now she is raising kids on her own; for work; cheaper housing; fresh start or move back to an area she knows well.

And why did Dh roll over and accept it? Use your imagination. He didn’t care enough about seeing his kids easily to object. He pays his £58 a week and does his best Disney dad act whilst his new partner does the driving for him.

Because she has her dc with little support from the dad so affording childcare and working full time may not be plausible… but we don’t know if this is the case at all.

I’m pointing out that those benefits are only available to one parent. If dad has them 6 nights a fortnight and mum has 8, dad isn’t entitled to any childcare support on his days. Same for any UC or housing benefit - all goes to the parent with the most overnights.

That’s their dads’ choice. He could see them during the week if he wanted. I do not want to be apart from my children for 10 days.

You do realise many of us work hard but have our dc every weekend - this is a bs reason. Dc wellbeing should be the priority, always. They were there before you. You seemed so determined to focus on the inconvenience.

Yes I agree. A judge should look pretty poorly on this behaviour

And have no child free time? She should do that if she’s a mug!

He needs to go to court and get access arrangements formalized so that the ex can’t dick him around anymore. But really the time to do this was when she first wanted to move away given Dad can’t drive for medical reasons, why on earth did he just roll over and let her take his kids away when he isn’t able to drive?

It sounds like you need a court order to set out EOW as at present and also holidays/Christmas/birthdays etc, plus her persistent relocation (to stop her moving 3+ hours away to make contact much harder). A bit of one on one time might be nice though - perhaps all bank holiday Mondays?

So mum never has them on a weekend? That is ridiculous.