I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

LOL

what do parents who have their kids full time do when they’ve got things to do with their kids!?! They get on with it .

imagine not wanting your kids every weekend because you’ve got stuff to do

I’ll never be on board with any thread where dad and his new wife only want EOW. Shameful

Four days ?

See them friday, saturday, sunday, every two weeks

No, but I feel like most of the thread have missed that this man sees his children four days a month and is happier not seeing them at all than giving up more "childfree time."

He's a shit father.

Just to add that anytime there are stepchildren unless you are very lucky there will always be some batting back and forth by the parents, after all they did separate.
But anyone who goes into a relationship with someone with children needs to understand that they come first. However messed about you are it is not the children's fault.
Saying you want time to yourself and so wont agree to her changing things may be understandable but first and foremost you should be backing up what dad wants to do. The children were there before you.

I would offer an extra weekend q month in which you have 1 of them. Its always best to compromise.

If she wants 1:1 time she can arrange childcare or an activity for one child during her periods with the children. This is what I do as a lone parent. Her desire for 1:1 time should have zero impact on the children’s contact with their father, it’s a totally separate issue, and it certainly should not prevent the children ever spending a weekend together or having any time together with their father at all. She seems to be in cloud cuckoo land.

How dare you call the op a bitch. You're awful. Youre just desperate to give a step parent a good kicking.

Im surprised this hasn't been in court already when she moved further away considering your DH can't drive and that was bound to make weeknights unavailable for contact.
How exactly was he planning on seeing his children if you weren't playing chauffeur every other weekend?

He needs to get a court order set up and everything formalised. I agree it doesn't sound like splitting the children up for contact would be in anyone's best interest.

Have you missed the bit where the OP said her DH couldn’t drive for medical reasons, that the children’s mum has moved away a few times, further away each time.

Have you missed the bit where the children now go to their Dad’s from Friday after school and dropped back to school Monday morning eow. Their Mum now wants one child to visit each weekend but from early Saturday morning until Sunday morning. She’s being unreasonable. The children’s Dad needs to go to court and formalise arrangements.

So she gets to spend time with them 1:1 and together as part of a family unit but your DH only gets one at a time .
Tell her to f off and it's hugely abusive and manipulative to stop contact cos shes having a tantrum .

Yanbu

Honestly your DH needs to go to court and get a contact order.

Poor kids...

It would also mean the children never get to spend their weekend together. I can’t see how that could be appropriate. If the current arrangements were working fine just go to court and formalise it as others have said. Sad that she won’t be reasonable but to make such a demand without any explanation of how it would not be detrimental to the children, aside from the unreasonableness of demanding tgat you change arrangements without any stated sensible reason, is clearly disruptive and unreasonable so a court should be prepared to formalise the status quo.

I am sorry to hear that, and hope things are well now 👍

Your right it isnt relevent on this thread, but why say you wouldnt let ex have kids for 10 days. That relevent for this thread

Shame a lot of mums think it’s too much.

Every other weekend isn’t very much.

All those saying a court order will solve the problem are in cloud cuckoo land.

My hubbys ex moved over 250 miles away with his son. We travelled every weekend to see him. She met a new man so decided she would not allow dad contact as she wanted new man to take place of dad.

He had to go to court to get a court order, you have to go through all the Caffcass stuff and the result was that he was given contact one day a week. We had to do the travelling, the fact that mum had moved away meant nothing. However, even with a court order we would still get the 'Not this week, he has a birthday party to go to' 'Not this week, he has a cold' Not this week he has a friend staying over. etc etc and there is nothing at all you can do about it.
We even had times when we would travel over 200 miles only to get a phone call saying 'I meant to ring you to let you know not to come this week'.
Then when they hit high school their mates become more important than spending all day Saturday trailing round town/swimming/bowling/cinema with dad.

The non resident parent is screwed all round.

Haha. You have no idea what the circumstances are nor the struggles my children have. I haven’t gone into it here because it’s not relevant to the thread.

Why didn’t he go to court when she was moving away as he can’t drive? What would happen if you weren’t in the picture?

If Mum would like 1:1 time she could facilitate this by collecting one of the boys from Dad's house on a Sunday morning every other weekend.

Better still, ask the children what they'd like to do.

No matter the circumstances, the children shouldn't be used as a pawn for any parent to get their own way.

A court order sounds like the best option after reading your responses.

Their dad can’t spend any time with his kids because his ex chose to move an hour away, knowing he doesn’t drive!

She demonised herself for withholding contact.

I wouldn’t want to drive two hour round trips twice a weekend in her shoes

She chose to move away, she chose the consequences. It really is that simple. How much time she spends with them is immaterial - she is not owed anything. If she wants to change the schedule they must agree that together, not at her dictation.

it’s HIS responsibility to figure out how to see his kids

It's her equal responsibility, not just his, to ensure the kids' best interests are met and they see both parents.

OP doesn't have to spend weekends with the SC.

The dad should though. EOW is shit.

Some of the comments here are really funny. The set up you currently have has worked well up till now? You would both like to see them more during the holidays? £500 a month is a reasonable amount to be paying child maintenance, not sure why someone is saying it’s not enough (my ex pays £200 a month for 2 dc and he see’s one of them for 6 hours a week).

OP, take this to court, your dh will likely be granted every other weekend and one evening during the week (after school), it’s also likely he will be granted half of the holidays, this may mean he needs to sort childcare if he can’t get leave from work.

As has been mentioned her suggestion means that the boys will spend every weekend apart, which you say they won't want. It sounds the worst possible set up for them and their well-being.

YANBU, keep saying no. I would point out to her that if it's necessary to go to court to agree an arrangement she would be highly unlikely to get this put in place, and hopefully she'll back down.