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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

687 replies

ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:15

AIBU - looking for thoughts.

DH has 2 ds ages 8 and 10

For years he’s had the system with ex we have them every other weekend fri aft school and drop them to school on the Monday (well I pick up and drop off as dh doesn’t drive it’s an hour each way!)

This is mutual agreement not a court order.

His ex now wants to change that we have them separately - one each weekend and for me to pick up early sat and drop back Sunday morning.

I’ve said no I won’t facilitate. so dh has said no and she is saying no contact then! It has been left in a sour way as he told her no negotiations just that we will get a court order to stick to what we’ve always done.

We like to have more time with them . They like to do the same things - together.
Plus we love our childfree time too. But now dh very down as this weekend we were meant to have them .

AIBU to have said I won’t facilitate this ? It seems a big step back. Less time for them with dh too of its weekly how she wants ???

OP posts:
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/01/2026 20:21

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 30/01/2026 18:30

No, but I feel like most of the thread have missed that this man sees his children four days a month and is happier not seeing them at all than giving up more "childfree time."

He's a shit father.

Show quote history

And his ex is a shit mother. Moving the kids further and further away from their father knowing he can't drive and then wanting to split the kids up when they are visiting their father? What an amazing mother 🙄

lazyarse123 · 30/01/2026 20:20

Why are people being so twatty about the dh? It's been explained that the ex has moved further away 3 times. They have offered more times during the holidays and ex won't let them.
Sometimes it actually is the ex being a cow and not a deadbeat dad.

Tryagain26 · 30/01/2026 20:20

Millytante · 30/01/2026 17:23

Don’t even think about a court order until your husband starts bloody well driving.
What a setup, whereby this fractured family can’t arrange their shared parenting unless you provide the means for half of it. How did he manage before you cane on the scene?
And now you are expected to surrender your remaining free Saturdays, and chauffeur those trips too. Screw that, in my book.

You have no idea why he can't/doesn't drive. I don't drive for a very good reason. I get fed up of people on Mumsnet moaning about people who don't drive.
OP isn't complaining about the driving she is complaining about the child's mother unreasonable demands.

sharkstale · 30/01/2026 20:20

ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 19:45

He works very hard and he’s very tired. Weekends with his sons he’s so active and trying his best. Health is not where it should be and he does actually need the time to rest

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Now you're just taking the piss, right? As mum's, we're all fucking tired. But we still have to parent.

fashionqueen0123 · 30/01/2026 20:18

She sounds awful. I’d go for mediation and then court if that doesn’t work. She’s asking for an insane proposal

ktopfwcv · 30/01/2026 20:15

Neither are BU. It's for them to discuss.
To answer if you're unreasonable to "let" your step son go to his dad's house every weekend yes you are.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 30/01/2026 20:14

Bonkers1966 · 30/01/2026 19:41

Go to court. Buy your husband driving lessons.

He can’t drive for medical reasons.

Strawberrryfields · 30/01/2026 20:11

They both sound a bit rubbish to be honest. Both the current arrangement and her suggested new arrangement aren’t great. I think they should go back to the drawing board and find a more balanced solution.

I also think you need a reality check. Every parent I know is tired and works hard. They also have their kids more than 2 days every two weeks so my heart isn’t bleeding for father of the year.

Applecup · 30/01/2026 20:11

I’m sure the novelty of having the kids every weekend will soon wear off.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 30/01/2026 20:09

babyproblems · 30/01/2026 20:07

Your husband needs to learn to drive, and he needs to get a court order set up.

OP updated a while back to say her DH can’t drive for medical reasons.

herbetta · 30/01/2026 20:09

ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 17:24

He can’t drive for medical reasons

Show quote history

Does he claim PIP then - that will cover transport costs?

Grammarnut · 30/01/2026 20:08

KitsyWitsy · 30/01/2026 17:34

You should have them both, every weekend. Why doesn’t he want to see his kids? Every other weekend is pathetic.

Every other week-end is a normal and usual arrangement (DS sees his DC on this arrangement + part of the holidays, this week he has taken both skiing in France) along with time for a holiday and maybe some of the holiday time as well. Every week puts an enormous strain on the a second partner as they also need time and may have DC of their own. YANBU for suggesting every other week is pathetic. It's not.

babyproblems · 30/01/2026 20:07

Your husband needs to learn to drive, and he needs to get a court order set up.

LeftBoobGoneRogue · 30/01/2026 20:07

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 30/01/2026 18:34

Sounds like his ex has worked out she's getting a bum deal parenting for 12 days out of 14 and fancies sharing the joy with the other parent

It was the mother’s choice to move further and further away when her ex husband can’t drive for medical reasons. She won’t do any driving to meet halfway either. She stopped the DC having contact with their dad now and restricted contact time in the holidays. That’s not the behaviour of a good mum, by not acting in the DC’s best interests. Not prepared to compromise either.

FancyCatSlave · 30/01/2026 20:06

Every other weekend is pretty feeble parenting, he clearly didn’t care enough to get more time in the first place.

Their home with their father should be their home though, it sounds as though you both treat them as optional accessories. They have a right to be there.

Transportation isn’t your responsibility though.

Haveyouanyjam · 30/01/2026 20:04

Your DH is getting a hard line here. Every other weekend and half the holidays is standard in cases where families don’t live nearby.

It is clear she is playing some kind of game given she has halted contact as a result. That’s ridiculous. You can’t keep children from safe, involved parents because she wants to change the arrangements.

Absolutely get to court.

Girl2345 · 30/01/2026 20:02

If she's wanting u to have every weekend she will soon start it up to alternate weekends for the break give it afew weeks😜

Grammarnut · 30/01/2026 20:00

See a solicitor because mediation has to be attempted. If that doesn't work then you will have to go to court. But ex is being unreasonable and not thinking of the DC, who come first.

gamerchick · 30/01/2026 19:57

My ex used to do this. He admitted that he didn't see why he should babysit while I got my end away child free. 🙄

Whatever reason it is it doesn't matter if she's using them as a weapon. You need a court order.

MikeRafone · 30/01/2026 19:55

ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 19:47

Yes we will have to get a court order definitely. I think it’s the most sensible option and I wish we had done it before but his ex has changed after years of this being fine

As said before he cannot drive for medical reasons

Show quote history

I take it your dh didn't object to the ex moving the dc further away? which he would have been within his rights to do and seeing as medically he is unable to drive - this seems very unfair to move them further and further away without consideration to transporting them to and fro

Can you put forward for mediation for this matter rather than taking it to court?

mydogisthebest · 30/01/2026 19:52

Bonkers1966 · 30/01/2026 19:41

Go to court. Buy your husband driving lessons.

Read the OP's posts properly

Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 19:47

Bonkers1966 · 30/01/2026 19:41

Go to court. Buy your husband driving lessons.

Yes we will have to get a court order definitely. I think it’s the most sensible option and I wish we had done it before but his ex has changed after years of this being fine

As said before he cannot drive for medical reasons

OP posts:
Original poster
ImthedriverSo · 30/01/2026 19:45

Hedgehogbrown · 30/01/2026 19:41

He likes his child free time does he ?😂 Has he applied to the courts then? Or is he just going to slink off and stop seeing his kids?

He works very hard and he’s very tired. Weekends with his sons he’s so active and trying his best. Health is not where it should be and he does actually need the time to rest

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 30/01/2026 19:42

LeftBoobGoneRogue · 30/01/2026 19:39

@VacayDreamerand @cadburyeggso obvious that you both have an issue with stepmothers and separated fathers.
The father can’t drive for medical reasons and the mother keeps moving further and further away and won’t do any driving. We don’t know if the journey can be done by public transport. The mother should meet the OP and her husband at a half way point
As always there’s 2 sides but you both seem so blinkered and biased.
The mistake the father made was not to get a court order at the time of separation to agree contact and to prevent the mother from moving too far away. That needs to be resolved quickly for the children’s best interests.

Incorrect, my dad was divorced and my mum is a stepmum. I have an issue with fathers and stepmothers who think doing the bare minimum is worthy of a medal. There are plenty of decent single dads I’m sure 👍 the mum is wrong in this situation also but she isn’t the one posting so we can’t advise her.

Hedgehogbrown · 30/01/2026 19:41

He likes his child free time does he ?😂 Has he applied to the courts then? Or is he just going to slink off and stop seeing his kids?

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