I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

4 days of parenting a month make him tired? How about his ex doing 26?

I'm guessing she moved for support or other reasons, considering your DH pulls very little parenting weight.

@ImthedriverSo i don’t think every other weekend is enough . If you liked your free time you needed to pick a dh without kids already .
true mother is parenting nearly 100% and your dh is doing very little .
I think it should be offered to both kids every second weekend and half of holidays .
Oh and dh needs to learn to drive doesn’t he .
Did he leave the area his kids lived to move in with you. ?

Why can't dh drive or is he learning or a medical condition. If not is there a a bus, train etc. he should be the one doing this not you

Yeah, and I initially voted yanbu - mainly due the fact that it would be unfair that you had to do all that driving every Sat and Sun - but tbh, you lost me with that comment. Parents don't get to opt out of parenting because they're "tired", no matter the reason.

I have chronic health problems. I’m talking severely affects day to day life. I am the mum in this situation who has the kids 80% (I also do have a partner who can chip in like you could).

having health issues does not mean you can opt out of being a parent. Don’t use chronic health as an excuse when there are parents who parent 24/7 with or without help) with said conditions

edited for typo

Thy shouldn’t be split but equally one shouldn’t spent every weekend with you so no child free time at all

I was on your side until this comment. I work hard too and manage to care for my children more than 4 days a month

Anywhere and at any time? Regardless of job, family, friends? What if they moved again? Would you be a little travelling hobbit who dutifully follows along? What if they went abroad?

Would you really? Or is that just a virtuous thing to say given you're not doing it?

Or, I suppose, you could put in a court order to stop them moving, even if the reasons for that move were valid and offered a better life in some way but you could try and trap them all in one place for your benefit, sure.

If you'd checked OPs posts you would see he is unable to drive for medical reasons

Leave it at no contact then, perfect!

This is only 2 full days in a fortnight. It’s really the minimum.

And under the proposed new arrangements, the DH will only see each of his sons, and each son will only see his dad, for one day a fortnight - Sat-Sun alternate weeks, instead of Fri-Mon alternate weeks as under the previous arrangements.

At last a voice of reason.

It's pretty practical and reasonable given the circumstances. She moved an hour away so week nights aren't really an option - and he could have them every weekend I suppose but I don't imagine that's a great option for most people as then one parent doesn't get any weekend time with their kids.

So what's your magic plan for the dad to have 'more time', considering the above?

‘We enjoy our childfree times too’
Which is 80% of the time.

Strange for their mum to ask this, but your husband seems quite wet

Because the mother moved away making it difficult to have contact during school days.

Read the thread.

This is only 2 full days in a fortnight. It’s really the minimum.

I don't think that should give you a pass on parenting tbh. Mum's still have to parent 24/7 regardless of illness or health conditions. It's easy to use that as an excuse when you only have them a few days every month.

OP has two stepsons. The issue is that her DH’s ex wants to send them one at a time on alternate weekends instead of both together. I don’t think OP is the unreasonable one here.

You are absolutely not being at all unreasonable. They’ll need to attempt mediation before it can be heard by a court, I’d suggest your husband gets on it immediately, if his ex refuses it’s no problem, they’ll give him a certificate to show that he tried and he can give that to the court.
its impossible to say for sure but if this arrangement has been in place for years and works well for the children (which it sounds like it does) then it could well become a court ordered arrangement.
its definitely worth getting some things nailed down while you’re at it though. Get the travel arrangements mandated too, and discuss whether to have it included that you don’t need permission to take them on holiday abroad if you think that could become an issue.
remember once it’s court ordered that’s it, and if the resident parent doesn’t make the children available for the court ordered times then he will be back to court for enforcement.
hopefully none of that will be necessary and it can be worked out in mediation.
Good luck!

OP says her DH has a medical condition which prevents him driving, so l’d say that’s likely pretty substantial. Being tired is one thing, being tired because of a health condition is quite another.

Have you read the OP’s posts? Her husband can’t drive for medical reasons.

Go to court. 50 percent each. Maybe he moves? I can’t imagine not seeing my
children for so long. It’s almost forgiven in here if it’s dad.

I love my children. If, bizarrely my dh had them full time after a divorce and moved. I’d go aswell.