I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

OP, you must be very frustrated at the lack of reading ability/ comprehension of many posters.

From the details given by the OP, in this case I would be encouraging the OP’s husband to start a Court process in the hope that the issue could be resolved at Mediation before moving to a formal Court process.

Child Arrangement Orders (CAO) usually cover the resident parent moving location. Moving further away from the non-resident parent often needs a change to the CAO or at least a formal agreement between the parents.

A resident parent, who is able to drive, moving further away from a non-driving non-resident parent would have to be considered carefully in the interests of the children.

On the face of it seeing the boys separately seems unusual especially as it seems to imply the boys would not have any weekends together. I’ll leave all the speculation and reaching about the boy’s mother’s motives in moving or wanting to change the times to the fantasists.

I do think you'll have to go to court though OP. Her suggestion is rubbish.

But I would suggest stop saying things like "he's tired from work", "he needs rest time because he works hard" 🤣. Ummm you know all parents do this, even with their kids living with them 24/7, right?

It’s an hour away though, even on public transport this is a normal daily travel time. And they are complaining of it once a week!

Sorry, I’m trying to work out your Maths. Both boys every other weekend or only one alternating each weekend seems to equate to the same times to me, but he never gets to see both boys together. OP says the boys prefer to be together and why would their father want to only see one at a time ?

refusing to even engage when she wants him to increase to a paltry two days a week and choosing to have no contact at all rather than a few days more.

Under the proposed new arrangements, he will actually be seeing each of his sons LESS than he was before.

Previously:
Week 1 DS 1&2 Fri pm-Mon am
Week2 -
Week 3 DS 1&2 Fri pm-Mon am
Week 4 -

Proposed:
Week 1 DS1 Sat am-Sun am
Week 2 DS2 Sat am-Sun am
Week 3 DS1 Sat am-Sun am
Week 4 DS2 Sat am-Sun am
And no-one has a full weekend ever to plan a trip or do anything.

I mean my children will always live with me. I’m a good parent.

Id be a lonely little hobbit for my children. I’d follow them. They come first. If only all parents thought like me.

Guessing you didn’t bother?

The driving for the mid-week thing would be on OP. He doesn't drive. Fair if she doesn't want to do it.

It's not really an increase though- he currently has both of them Friday arvo to Monday morning. She wants to change to one kid only, from Saturday morning to Sunday morning. So 24 hours every 2 weeks.

In saying that though, usually if you're an EOW parent, there's a mid week arvo thrown in too- why isn't he doing this OP? Even my crappy ex tolerated the long drive to do this (for a little while 🙄). They would have Wednesday night dinner together.

Quite.

But mother won't do any driving and the children's father can't drive.

If that is the truth of it, then he is a poor father looking for an excuse.

However, I don't think having them separately is necessarily the way forward. It's not more time with both boys, just the same time but spread out. He can show where he stands by what action he takes now.

Either way, it's not on OP to drive both weekend mornings to facilitate both the actual parents' whims.

No. I'm reading the one where he doesn't want to lose childfree time or make any arrangements that don't involve his wife driving. Nothing about the children's best interests.

But the point is he wouldn't be seeing 'them' more, just one at a time which OP has said doesn't seem to be in the best interests of the children as the younger one specifically likes to be with his brother.

Horror show of defending a shit father?

He doesn’t want to split the children up each week as they will hate it. It’s the mother who has moved away. It’s the mother who is now refusing access.

are we even reading the same thread?

He's not only turning down two extra days but giving up the two he already has. He grabbed the opportunity to drop all time with both hands.

I wonder why he's never gone to court before? Oh yeah, because he's a shit father.

He's not turning down two extra days. It's the same amount of time with each child. He can't drive and I know I sure wouldn't be giving up every Saturday and Sunday morning to do it for him in OP's place.

He needs to go to court and get more time with them, together. Claim more school holidays, every weekend with both boys (Friday to Monday, as was always the way), as much as possible. Probably the opposite of what their mother is hoping for but she brought this on herself.

Going to court for more holidays is probably what he should have done in the first place.

is she not an hour or so away? I’ve traveled a longer daily commute.

Agreed!

If he really wanted them more he could. Blaming the mum isn’t an excuse.

Oh yeah he's clearly desperate to see them more, hence refusing to even engage when she wants him to increase to a paltry two days a week and choosing to have no contact at all rather than a few days more.

This thread is a horrorshow of women defending a shit father.

Every other weekend, and some schooldays would have been fine, if mum had remained close enough so that the school was accessible to both parents, or she was prepared to take on some driving,

I would just go to court OP.
Shame she has moved away as mid week won't really work but I imagine you would get the every other weekend. Half the holidays and alternate xmas.

If shes lonely thats no reason to inconvenience other people and the kids.

I agree with posters who've said this needs a court order. You could also get more holiday time agreed this way, as well as a fairer share of the driving. She sounds vindictive but has probably shot herself in the foot.

Of course you shouldn't be driving both weekend mornings, every weekend. That's not much quality time with them anyway.

I'd personally go to court to get the normal arrangement formalised, and ask for more time in school holidays, fair arrangements for things like Christmas, etc.

But the father is willing to have them in school holidays It's the mum doesn't want this