I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

I think that's what OP and her husband think. No rationale.

It's not 2 hours travel a fortnight though, it's 4. An hour each way to pick up and then an hour each way to drop off.

The new proposed schedule would be 4 hours driving every weekend to facilitate 24 hours contact for one child.

That's why midweek isn't possible either. It would be 4 hours driving on a Wednesday night.

Right? It’s bonkers to me. Surely the EOW is helpful because she gets free time when they are both at her dad’s to catch up on exercising/relaxing/sorting stuff out/seeing friends. Why would you want to make it so you don’t get that and your boys not getting a weekend together to play and bond?! Madness.

Our city centre is an hour away on the bus. We go most weekends. That’s just to shop/play etc.

The children didn’t choose to have such shit parents. His medical issues haven’t stopped him restarting his life. Just driving.

An hour isn’t very far away, I grew up very rurally and it took me more than an hour to get to school every day.

but on your actual question you need to understand why she thinks that is the best option. Have a proper conversation.

Because he can’t drive for medical reasons and the mum moved further away?

I’m usually the first to blame a shitty dad, check my history if you like. My dad paid £5 a week for me! But I have RTFT and this is not one. He’s working full time with a medical condition - he was able to do more when his ex was closer but she moved away. His partner is happy to facilitate EOW and school holidays. Can’t do weekdays because of being far away and school. I don’t think every weekend is reasonable when the mum is not happy to drive them and expects a step parent to do it. She knows her Ex can’t drive for medical reasons. She also chose to leave him for another man? And now she wants to split the children up for what reason, who does it help?

No one cares about these kids.

He's not even doing the minimum and if he's so far away and can't drive then maybe weekends at the moment would be all he could do? What a mess. Another reason why anyone with small children was a hard pass when I was dating. Fuck all this nonsense.

This is where I get lost with these kind of relationships. How can you want to be with a man who wants to spend 6 days a month with his children because he’s tired and needs time to rest? All parents are tired! “Enjoys his child free time” indeed! He could have gone to court years ago instead of all his nonsense about what length of holidays his ex will “allow” but he doesn’t want to. I’m a stepmum and my DH has 50:50 and still loves any extra second with my DSD because he misses her like mad when she’s at her Mum’s!

I think she mean an hour for her driving, so by public transport it could well be 2 or 3 hours. If there is some Sundays that could be 4 or 5 hours travel easily.

Not really.

It's all alien to me this wanting time to yourself when you're a parent and being happy to see your kids every other weekend. I also would find it absolutely impossible to find such a man attractive in any sense.

In any case, the OP is a mug for facilitating all this. They aren't her kids and if it were me (which it absolutely never would be) then I would be leaving it for them to sort out and staying completely out of it. THere's no way I'd be driving back and forth and all over the bloody place either.

No, I think you might need to pop back to the original post.

Currently, both boys spend every other weekend with their father which means he sees them both for one full weekend a fortnight.

Mother wants to change that to one boy alternating each weekend. One boy weekend one, the other boy weekend two but for a shorter period. Instead of both boys (Friday pm to Monday am, every other weekend) only one boy each weekend Saturday morning to Sunday morning.

Father would never see the boys together but OP would have to drive to and fro every weekend. I don't understand why a mother would not want to spend any weekends with both her boys.

That's a weird comment - if he sees them both every weekend in term time, then mum only gets them around the school day except in holidays!

Are you for real? EOW is half of the time that isn’t all about getting kids up, fed and out to school and then home, fed, homework and bed. It isn’t ’the bare minimum’ that’s often suggested, it’s a reasonable split of the non-school days. What kind of mother would want to do the hardest part of the week and then give every weekend to someone else to do the fun bits?

Moving an hour away isn’t very far.
They were only doing the return journey every fortnight so 2 hours travel a fortnight to see the children it’s minimal.
I don’t agree with the new arrangement but it’s not an excuse to just give up contact.

Many court orders go for 50/50 custody now unless there is a concern about the standard of parenting. So just be aware that going to court could lead to this. I have seen some absolutely crazy schedules issued where the children move every 3 days. And the judge may take a dim view of an EOW set up, so I suggest taking some legal advice from a lawyer specialising in family law, and exploring structured mediation first.

So she’s just decided that they just don’t come at all.

What does that have to do with me thinking he's a shit father? It's not primary school, we don't have to pick a side. The only one of them here is the OP and she's putting forward his case, not the mother's.

Come on, he doesn’t drive for medical reasons, personally while I’m the first person to say everyone capable who can afford it should learn to drive and half the ‘I can’t learn’ people on Mumsnet need to build a bridge and get over it and learn to drive, I don’t want people who can’t drive for medical reasons jumping in cars! His wife left him for someone else, has moved an hour away, refuses extra time with the kids and is now refusing to let him see his two kids together at all. There’s no reason for that and it’s definitely not best for the kids - he needs to go to court and no judge in the country is going to approve her view. I’d push for some more holidays and set the Christmas plan a bit more evenly once she’s already forced them to court.

How cruel she wants to split up siblings for her own needs

How can you be struggling? By the old arrangements he spends two days a fortnight with his children (five if you want to make it sound better). The new one he spends four days a fortnight with his children. If he was a good father they would also get his undivided attention during that time.

No, stepmum/OP already drives, she picks up and drops off on dad’s weekends. Mum doesn’t take a turn, and yet she is the one who moved an hour away. Instead of two journeys at the weekends when the children visit their dad, mum is now suggesting four. Shown very clearly in a post by @HelenaWilson above.

Plus we love our childfree time too.

While this is an odd arrangement and you shouldn’t be expected to ferry them about, this didn’t sit right with me. You chose to be with a man who has two children. You don’t get entitlement to childfree time together at your whim.

And where is the mother demonstrating the children’s best interests? Moving away, splitting the kids up, limiting the weekends?

Yeah I agree with that. But surely there's other ways. I wonder how he coped in life before he had a personal chauffeur.