I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

@TheDaysAreGettingLongerAgainthe ex wife ran off with a colleague. The husband did not run off and leave his children.

Did you actually read the thread? He can’t drive for medical reasons.

Any man who abandons very young children to run off with another woman is a villain in my book.

You "love your childfree time"?? You get child free time 12 days out of a fortnight. Every other weekend and a holiday in the summer is not a lot of time and is not trying his/your best, it's a joke and absolute bare minimum.
I don't know the age of the children but has anyone asked them what they want? 1 on 1 time might be nice for them, mum, and dad but everyone needs to be on board with it, and it needs to be fair to them and both sets of adults. Wouldn't a pattern over 4 weeks of:
Weekend 1: Ds1 or 2
Weekend 2: Both sons
Weekend 3: Other ds
Weekend 4: Child free
be fairer?
Therefore both mum and dad (you!) get a weekend "off," children get 1 on 1 time with both parents and two weekends together, one at each house. You/dad see slightly more of them/they see slightly more of you, Mum gets her 1 to 1 time and you get your "child free time."
Court order also necessary for the sake of the boys to stop mum stopping contact.

We only have one side of the story and there are always two sides.

Is your children's father not a good parent?

So, just a virtuous thing to say then. Easily done.

Didn't bother to do what?

A Court would be unlikely to give 50:50 if father lives an hour away from the school and doesn't drive.

Because there’s a lot of bitter posters around who will jump on any opportunity to make the man and step mother the villains as clearly his first wife can do no wrong

The ex moved away. She took the children an hours drive away. She does none of the journeys to or from their Dad’s.

She must have known the Dad couldn’t drive for medical reasons when she moved.

Not many mothers want their children to go to the Dad’s every weekend.

Collecting and returning the children is 4 hours driving for the OP.

Why are the OP and her DH getting such a hard time?

The ex moved away. She took the children an hours drive away. She does none of the journeys to or from their Dad’s.

She must have known the Dad couldn’t drive for medical reasons when she moved.

Not many mothers want their children to go to the Dad’s every weekend.

Collecting and returning the children is 4 hours driving for the OP.

Why are the OP and her DH getting such a hard time?

Maybe he wasn’t ill when he became a Dad. We don’t know and don’t need to know. My Dad was perfectly healthy when I was born, 5 years later he was diagnosed with an illness and by the time I was 13 couldn’t walk.

I will admit OP the “we love our child free time” did not read well, considering his ex is full time parenting the vast majority of the time…there’s not a huge amount of time asked of you both. I’m sure you didn’t mean it quite the way it sounds though, as you do sound like a kind caring step mum. I take your point that their mum has moved further away making it logistically more difficult but yeah honestly it just read as a bit unnecessarily blunt.

I think you really need to try to find out why she wants to separate them like this? It’s a very odd idea… it doesn’t make logical sense and as you say siblings probably want to spend time together with their dad… it just doesn’t make any sense. I’d be pushing for an explanation to be honest.

This.

@ImthedriverSoEvery other weekend is the absolute bare minimum though, the poor kids! They should be seeing him either every weekend or some days during the week.

she’s moved 3 times, how can he know where she will be? He doesn’t drive and has a job, so he can’t just move every time the ex does, especially if he goes to all the trouble and then they move again…

OP - I'm really sorry but no one on MN gets that people can have life long conditions that mean they can't drive (I do) and it pisses me off so much that people are quite happy to diss posters who are basically disabled for not being able to drive.

If he wanted childfree weekends he shouldn't have become a dad. If you wanted childfree weekends you shouldn't have married him.

It’s difficult and I don’t agree with what she is saying/doing but I could never imagine being happy with seeing my kids for 2 of every 14 days. Unfortunately, she’s being difficult (and to be clear I don’t agree with her approach) but if I was him I would move to whatever area she took my children to until I could get a court order for more time. There’s no doubt in my mind your DH loves you (and this may not suit you/the professional life you have built for yourself; which is no easy feat) but his children should come first and he should be chasing them to the end of the earth

It’s less time with the boys but uses more of OPs time - maybe thats the point of it.

Op ignore the posters who say you are doing more. It sounds like you're doing a lot - I don't think I'd be doing all the driving when she's upping sticks and refusing to. She sounds like a cow, who is trying to get her way.

sorry 2 hours a journey. Its 1 hour travel to see you children there is no excuses!
as I’ve said I don’t agree with the separation but he should still manage to see them every week.

No, it's even worse than that. The new proposal is Sat am to Sun am, not Friday night to Sunday night. No quality time for anyone.

At last, someone else who can do the Maths.

How judgemental, there could be any number of reasons why someone doesn't drive

You don’t know that though. It depends on connections. Say it’s an hour by car but 2 by public transport. So he goes on a Friday after work to get them - gets home what 7pm? Straight to bed. Not a great evening for the 1 child he picked up. Then Sunday - set off at what 5pm? And he gets home at 9pm and then work next day? Kid knackered, dad knackered every weekend - and mum not even getting a break because she has the other kid 🤯