I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

Your husband needs to learn to drive. Is he banned?

YANBU. EOW is a very standard arrangement, even though lots of MN posters think it’s wrong.

As a pp suggested, this is just power play from the ex

A balance? of just seeing his kids EOW?
They're his kids, not some random activity or hobby that he needs to fit in around the rest of his life.

If they were your kids you definitely wouldn't think he was spending a lot of time with them if it was just EOW and a holiday in summer.

That might be a lot of time with them for say a grandparent, not for a father.

Exactly. Some of the comments on here are outrageous and just plain stupid. Reading comprehension skills also appear to be thin on the ground.

She's sounds like she wants to control the situation.
My way or no way!
We have the same problem unfortunately and my husband loses out on his children for standing his ground and saying its not fair!
Stand your ground, you clearly are a solid couple who wants the best for both of the children!

What are you like!? My God!

its a 2 hour round trip and 1h is a very long way to travel before school in the morning, to answer all the people saying he’s a shit dad because he doesn’t insist on 50/50

What about having both one weekend per month and then one child twice a month? So you see them and extra weekend a month and get time together and separately.

He needs a court order to sort out access/custody.

💯 agree

There really are so many nasty and twisted women on Mumsent, jumping to angry and negative conclusions without any knowledge or evidence and attacking the OP for no real reason - yuk. I always de- register within a couple of days of registering!

Maybe the mother shouldn’t have moved away to make it difficult/impossible, as he can’t medically drive. I am sure the kids have been fine. So over-dramatic 🙄

Apparently she only allows them a week in the summer holidays. Why has he not been to court years ago to insist on half of all their holidays spent at his? That's completely indefensible on his part.

The OP doesn't want that. She thinks four days a month is lots and shows what a good parent her husband is!

What could she possibly spend more than £250 a month per child on?

So if she also contributed £250 a month on each child from her own personal funds does she spend more than £500 a month on each child? If not then even if they each cost her £400 a month (which they won't) the ex is paying more towards their keep. Ddt any benefits as that is the tax payer contributing to their keep and I doubt she contributs much at all. So don't see why you are demonising the OPs partner for what he pays.

Don't think OOW is enough though. The seperate thing is weird, but he should want to see them as much as possible

I’m not sure you will get the advise you want in here, as you can see, most will want to find a way to paint your husband as the bad guy.

But that is coming from tax payers the £170 per month PLUS your child benefit. So as a tax payer I am asking how you and the DC father intend to improve your earnings so that I as a tax payer don't have to fund that.

He didn't, it was the ex who left with another man.

What about a woman running off with another man? That's what happened here. She took the kids with her and is now taking even more time away from him by changing the Friday - Monday to Saturday- Sunday giving him 1 night with his kids instead of 3!

If you bothered reading OP’s posts rather than making up your own version you’d see that’s not what happened here.

Jesus Christ, talk about twisting the story

Do you have a reading comprehension problem?

Totally agree with this. Like it's anyone else's business why someone doesn't drive. Clearly have no clue how it feels to be prevented from driving due to a medical condition. Really used to grate on me when people used to ask why I didn't learn to drive. I could bloody drive but lost my licence for medical reasons. I have it back now but reading comments like buy dh driving lessons/ why doesn't dh learn to drive/dh needs to learn to drive, I find the assumptions and ignorance is astounding!

Good job that's not what happened here then. The mum did that - do you have such wise words for her?

She’s being very unreasonable imo.

I hope your DH manages to get it back on track for all of you.

Their mum wants to reduce the boys' time with the dad from 2 x 66hrs per month to 2 x 24hrs. This will not affect the boys' travel time, but double the OP's. Neither set of parents will able to have a full weekend with the kids, limiting trips etc.

@ImthedriverSo Do the boys have any regular clubs on Fridays/Sundays that are paid for by the mum and they miss when they come for the full weekend? This is the only reason I could see for the change to 24hrs. Then she's decided she wants 1-1 with the boys hence separate visits. It could also be there's a activity she wants to to weekly with both boys that only have sessions Sunday afternoon.

If they're in a football team they could be missing training and matches every other weekend, affecting they're progress and position in the team. A girl that was at her Dad's EOW so wouldn't be available for many matches on my daughter's team. He lived 40 minutes away and lots of matches would be an hour away from us in the other direction. The coach wasn't particularly sympathetic and viewed this as unreliable and she would always start as a sub.