I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

I think the people criticising the EOW arrangement are forgetting that if Dad has every weekend, Mum is left with the weekday slog and none of the more relaxed weekend time. I would think most Mums would prefer to have their kids home EOW.

It's not difficult to understand but, for some reason, many on here are incapable of understanding it.

It's worrying that so many posters seem unable to read properly and/or comprehend what they are reading.

No, she's just saying she still has to parent, even though her condition sounds awful to live with and even harder to parent with. A mum would never get or want the option to opt out and just not see her kids 80% of the year.

Because he can't drive ( for health reasons) and the kids mother won't. What's so difficult to understand

Did you miss the bit where the OP said everything was fine up until now?
Presumably she had her own reasons for moving and it wasn't just to keep adding a few minutes onto the OPs journey every time.
Also did you miss the bit where she said they've had this arrangement for years? so even when they lived closer they still had this EOW arrangement because they like to have the 'balance'.

@ImthedriverSo it will be hard but for now I wouldn’t engage with her .
Get dp to contact a solicitor Monday morning and start the ball rolling for a court order for A LOT MORE time
Yes he has a condition but alot of single mothers do too and they have to get on with it. He has your support and a mother who has them nearly full time.

As the mother moved away the courts may even make her do the driving or at least half of it.

It is a weird request from his ex . Maybe you will find out through solicitor contact that there is more to it.
Is your dp doing enough with the boys ? Are they possibly telling mum they are bored . Does the ex feel the two boys together is too much for your dp.

Or maybe the less time with dad the more maintenance for mum.
You will know her better than any of us .

OP, you must be getting very fed up with all the people commenting without RTFT.

I think you and your DH have tried your best with his children, to maintain contact and not get into too much conflict with the ex. It sounds like she's being very unreasonable, and doesn't have the children's best interests in mind - no discussions, her way or no contact! Perhaps she thinks she will get more money that way ...
I think your only option is to attempt mediation, which i suspect she won't engage with, and then go to court. You'll probably end up with more contact, and a schedule which is agreed more in advance which will make planning easier.
Good luck OP.

I'd go to court. Focus on the children's best interests and that you've been facilitating her choices of moving away, holiday dates etc but need a settled predictable arrangement that allows them to spend fun, relaxing time together at the weekends. Do it quickly as the time is coming they'll want to spend it with their mates rather than miles away with their dad so his time with them is likely to reduce in a few years.

Or she moved away because she wanted to and didn’t consider or care that means the kids are further away from their dad? Yes she should facilitate getting the kids to their dads or half way as she moved, but if she doesn’t want to, a court order won’t make much difference because she could just ignore it

This!

I think this is something a lot of posters are overlooking in the rush to criticise the current arrangement OP. Ex is proposing one child every weekend,but only for one full day and a night, so each child effectively has only two days and two nights a month with you instead of the current four days and six nights together. She’s reducing contact but spreading it over a longer period, one child at a time. Have you asked her why she wants this ?

I do agree with others that a court order is necessary and maybe include defined holiday time, and also look at restrictions on her moving the children any further away from you. This does seem to be a case of her deliberately trying to make things difficult and she clearly hasn’t got the best interests of her children in mind - l can’t see any court agreeing to separate contact with each child unless there’s a compelling reason for it. And for what it’s worth l think you’re getting an unnecessarily hard time from the step parent hating brigade who clearly have trouble with reading/comprehension because their own projection is getting in the way.

I’m surprised he’s not challenged this sooner. Maybe it’ll end up as a blessing in disguise if it means more contact.

Get a court order. I think i read you said mum refused mediation, but I could be mistaken, so if not you need to go to mediation and get it written up. Make it airtight with dates, times, illness, school holidays, christmas and other special days, who picks up and drops off. Everything. That way the conflict between you two and mum will be less and there will be less debate!
In hindsight, he should have done this when she started to move away the first time, or the second time, etc. As it does make it harder now to do more abd have more flexibility due to distance.

Has your husband actually asked why she’s requesting this new arrangement?

Why did he agree to EOW and one week in the summer in the first place? (60 out of 365 days)

Is he planning to challenge this or just accept no contact?

It's a very standard arrangement because lots of dads want to do the bare minimum.

When there is a thread about a father wanting more time, you can guarantee there'll be at least one person saying he only wants it in order to reduce or avoid maintenance. And others saying 50:50 isn't good for kids.

I agree calling you stupid isn’t right, but the poster was right in every other way. You’re saying the poster has no idea of how challenging and debilitating your condition is, and yet you’re quite happy to judge DH in exactly the same way. No disability or health condition affects any two people in the same way and just because you can cope doesn’t mean others can. You’re virtue signalling and it’s really unpleasant.

Are you on the right thread, and if so have you tried actually reading and understanding it ? It was the other way around - OP was not the other woman.

What a ridiculous post. You seem to have scrolled past everything OP has posted that’s relevant, including the ages of the children - which was the very first line of the very first post.

Posters are so busy criticising the amount of contact time they’re ignoring the fact that ex controls this, including the amount of time spent with the kids in the summer. Ex has also moved a two hour round trip away knowing DH doesn’t drive, and is now proposing to limit contact even further. Has it escaped your notice that as well as wanting DH to have his children separately, he will actually see them less because instead of having them Friday to monday - three nights and two full days- ex wants to reduce to one full day Saturday, and returned Sunday morning.

Have you missed the bit where the ex effectively controls the time spent with the children, and has moved away knowing that her ex doesn’t drive ? Has it not occurred to you that mum is deliberately making things more difficult, like many posters have you just jumped on the bandwagon of deadbeat dad ?

Not all health problems are the same. You can’t possibly know how he is affected because OP hasn’t specified. Lots of virtue signalling on this thread.

It's a very standard arrangement because lots of dads want to do the bare minimum.

It would be considered 'lots of time' with them if we were talking about someones godsons or nephews, but EOW and a week in summer objectively isn't lots of time with your own children.

If the mother became unwell and the boys went to live with the OP and her husband and the mother only had them EOW then I bet the OP wouldn't think the mother was spending 'lots of time' with them.

My apologies, I must have scrolled past the medical explanation for the non-driving.