I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

What the ex is proposing means that he will spend less time with each child than he does now. He doesn’t want that, but ex is threatening no contact if he doesn’t agree. That doesn’t sound like a dad who can’t be bothered to me. And ex knew he couldn’t drive before she moved a two hour round trip away. A good parent wouldn’t do that.

I assume they've moved too far away to allow you to see them during the week and get them to school.
The kids are unlikely to appreciate being split up. They are also unlikely to want to spend every w/e away from their main home - friends, hobbies, groups etc.
It's also not great that you won't get a child free w/e ever.
I'd be tempted to wait and see what happens. I think the ex will crack before you do but if not, go to court as she won't get away with refusing access altogether.

For the love of God please read some of the thread. DH has a degenerate illness that prevents him from driving. Ex has moved further and further away.

Prepare yourself - if anything happens to their mum, you'd have to have them 24/7.

I thought the onus was on the parent who moved away to do the driving. Why don't you agree in the short term, as long as she agrees to drop them off and pick them up? Then you need to go through the court. Every other weekend is very little contact these days, sounds like a set up from decades ago.

If your husband can’t drive, is he learning? Does your husband come with you to pick them up and drop them off because otherwise no way would I do so much driving alone for his children regardless of how much I cared for them.

As soon as she started moving further and further away, he should have went to court. Why did he wait? I guess it meant that he had to see them less and do less.

My ex had DD
he picked her up after school Friday, she stayed overnight, spent day with Dad - went home.
it ended up she came Wednesday, went home Monday after school. My ex had a busy social life and played football blah blah blah
was left to muggings here …..

partly the reason he’s an ex, that and the gaslighting, cheating, alcoholism and financial abuse. His current partner thinks he’s an absolute catch…..

My parents divorced when I was younger and I would've been gutted if me and my sisters went to my dad's on different weekends. Also, those giving op a hard time for them not having the kids every weekend, I would've hated being made to go every weekend, we enjoyed and needed to spend proper time with my mum too. EOW was perfect and we still have a good relationship with my dad.

I’ve seen a couple of times where there was a significant age difference or one where a teen girl and boy preferred to visit on their own occasionally so Dad took the boy to football, the girl skating, and they had one to one time without the other getting bored or feeling left out. They still visited together most visits. But, then the parents weren’t trying to score points or be awkward…..

Much better to go to Court and if CAFCASS are made aware by OP’s husband that he believes the boys prefer to visit together then CAFCASS and the Court will take their wishes and feelings into consideration.

As a PP has said, it's most unusual for orders to be made for children to visit separately. Sometimes if there were a male and female teen with widely different interests but these two boys are only two years apart and OP say they like visiting together.

OP sounds like you’re both great and the ex is a flaky nightmare. No parent should be using their children as a bargaining chip to get their own way, it is incredibly irresponsible and out of order for her to be doing that. My partner’s ex has 2 out of 3 kids two weekends a month and jumps at the chance to not have them or get them back to us early. She doesn’t want holidays, or any occasions with them, including Christmas, and pays about £350pcm for all three although only for the last couple of years, and if any extra driving or flexibility is needed my partner has to do it all. Not involved in their lives at all. Honestly, I’d be thrilled to have someone as lovely as you guys for the kids to go to! Get a court order, she’s clearly not rational or sensible, and you obviously have a much better idea of what is right for the boys.

He doesn’t need to/can’t learn to drive. If you check OP’s posts you will find he’s not allowed to drive for medical reasons.

Has OP said anything to suggest they wouldn’t step up if there was a tragedy ? If so, l can’t find it. I know a few divorced couples with kids. Neither parent has them every weekend - they all do EOW with mutual consent. I think OP is being perfectly reasonable not to facilitate this. Ex was the one who moved a two hour round trip away and given that that means their school is also a two hour round trip away, she can’t expect OP and DH to have them during the week - her choice. And her choice for EOW by mutual consent. The arrangement she’s proposing may mean OP and DH have a child every weekend but theyre not together, and the overall time spent per month is much less than they have now.

Yep. I currently (still) practice law (with a focus on family law) and this kind of setup is something I have seen once. Also due to unusual MH and disability related reasons…

Seems like a really weird arrangement. I used to really like doing things with my sister at that age and I’d have been gutted if we were off with our dad on different weekends and never had any time together.

It feels a bit like she’s trying to make things difficult. I think a court order would be nice. Your DH also might be able to secure more access to his children as it sounds a bit like his ex is controlling when he can see the boys.

Court order is only option as she is being so unreasonable and manipulative. She moved away and should do 50% of the driving. DH needs the EOW with both boys as it has been for years plus more time with them in holidays. He can still agree to £500 a month even if he sees them a bit more.

Ex is unreasonable. Unless you have an "in" with the ex and can reason with her, you need to start the legal process. It totally sucks but getting the details on paper and legalized works. No court will accept siblings being separated every weekend. It makes zero sense and won't fly in the courts.

Why not suggest a rota? Both boys with you, both boys with her, then boy 1 with you, then both with you, both with her boy 2 with you?
That way theres a decent amount of time together, but every third week one is having 1-1 time with a parent.

Absolutely go to court .. they will not allow mum to call the shots like this.
Much better for fathers now .
Courts don't take kindly to threats of no contact either keep all texts any messages she sends.
Don't retaliate don't give in .. tell your hubby / partner not to worry she won't get away with it.
Its classed as mental abuse to to stop a child seeing a parent in this manner x

Please for the love of God read the updates. This has been answered several times, and within the last couple of pages. DH has a progressive health condition that prevents him from driving. His ex knows this.

Did she even say why ? Is she for real , that doesn’t make any sense . Take her to court no judge will refuse contact if contact hasn’t been a issue until now

I’d get husband to send a message saying that unless she resumes normal arrangements, you will go to court. Say as she moved away, you’ll be asking for the court to agree that she either does one full trip or meets half way.

You will need to go to court over this. But why is your husband not learning to drive so this doesn't all fall on you?