I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

How can that work, seeing them during the week if dad doesn't drive and he and OP both work and likely don't finish work til 5-6 and it's an hours drive?

You are not being unreasonable and shame she has requested it BUT if she has been reasonable ish over the years maybe the 1-1 reasoning is a bit more. Could there be a round table discussion / negotiate for example one month of doing it that way one month the normal way / come to an agreement where turns are taken to drop them … if that doesn’t work and a resolution can’t be agreed I think best to pursue the court order. Regardless though, it’s not right she is now withholding the kids from seeing their dad, that’s really damaging to them and also not fair on you both who evidently care for them, sorry you’re experiencing this!

Yes, the OP and her DH are much too focused on trying to arrange their lives around the children’s dad having a chronic and degenerative health condition, while ex flits around the country on a whim without a second thought for her kids relationship with their disabled father. You’re very good at ignoring facts OP has provided in favour of your own version of events and you still haven’t explained what you mean by tit for tat.

a mixture it seems like. Neither of them seem to be thinking of the children and to focused on either their new relationships or their lives outside being a parent.

We don’t know why she has moved. Trust me people some times have no choice.

This. And that’s assuming it even possible/practical for the OP and her DH to sell up, buy a new house and find new jobs.

If the mum has moved three times in the last few years (each time further from her children's father) then I'd be worried that she would do this again the minute OP and her DH uprooted their lives and moved closer.

Which parent do you think is not child centred and who do you think is playing tit for tat ?

I actually agree that the mum should be doing atleast half of the travel. But if she won’t then looking at moving for the sake of the children could be something to look into.

just because one parent may not be being child centred does not mean the other should play tit for tat

If I was the one to move away with children, I think it would be up to me to facilitate their other parent having reasonable access. I’d have to accept that it wouldn’t be as convenient as if I’d stayed nearby. I think considering the children’s needs should be forefront. The step mum has been transporting the children as their dad can’t, and their mum won’t. Doesn’t seem very fair.

And why so much criticism of dad? If school was local to him, he could have had the children 50/50 and not paid maintenance. He’d probably have been criticised for that by some posters.

DH has a chronic and degenerative health condition - significant enough for his ex to be concerned about his ability to care for the children properly during access times. He also works full time and supports his kids. If he moved away, how likely do you think it is that he would find alternative work with an employer sympathetic to his condition ? Not very, l’d say.

No assumptions. OP said the ex’s moves were a want not a need. And I read the OP’s comments as valuing their child free time because DH has had to rearrange his life around a significant and worsening health condition. He works full time and possibly EOW facilitates him being able to properly engage with his kids when he sees them.

This!

The point is, ex didn’t have to move. Being closer to your children when you have a chronic and degenerative health condition is definitely something to consider. So why didn’t ex consider that before she moved ? Why should it be on OP and DH to chase her round the country every time she moves further away ?

As said I have severe chronic illnesses. I have moved 3 times in two years because I had no other choice. This situation seems to be causing the ops dh stress anyway I am just thinking of ways that could maybe help.

My Dad was chronically ill and any sort of upheaval or stress could make him worse. Expecting him to uproot and move could end up making his illness worse.

do you know why she moved? Some people have no choice but to move. Some people get priced out of areas, get evicted, have to move for jobs. You are making a lot of assumptions about a women you know nothing about whilst defending a man who you know very little about and ignoring some pretty poor comments his wife has made about valuing their time over the kids.

So upheaval on all fronts then. He’s ill, has to move at his ex’s whim. Meaning he has to change GP, hospital, consultant, and generally disrupt his healthcare because his ex is prone to moving around on a whim. And what happens if she moves again, is he just supposed to follow her and keep uprooting his whole family ? A court order to stop her moving further away is what’s needed. No responsible parent would do this, it’s unreasonable.

I wonder if all the people trying to ‘solve’ the problem by suggesting intricate Week 1 to Week 6, 8, infinity, solutions should consider becoming Family Court Magistrates ?

I was asking if it was an option

she has hasn’t said whether or not it is possible. If ex is settled and this is now a permanent home for her then it is something to look into. Only op can answer if this is something that is an option not random people.

…and if she really is being awkward and it costs OP and her husband £thousands to sell and buy a different house nearer to her and she up sticks again…..?
What then ?

Bye

The problem with him moving is it’s then taking him further away from his work and increasing that work day which isn’t ideal with a chronic illness. If he uses PT he might have a really long day.
The ex could have thought at some point it was a bad idea moving away instead.

If it's 2 weekends every 6 mths then I think it could work.

i have had to move 3 times in 2 years (one being 60 miles away) with a chronic illness.

surely being closer to your children and limiting travel when you have a chronic health issue should be something to consider. This way he could see his dc for shorter frequent bursts of time if tiredness is a factor. There is no way of knowing that ex will move again. We also don’t know why she did in the first place . She may be settled now.