How much sympathy would you have for a colleague in this situation?

Lots of sympathy as I've been them! It's a really hard stage of life and it does absolutely get easier eventually but realistically i wish there was more support for parents juggling small children and working who are getting no sleep, its absolutely brutal.

In any organisation, I'd say that at any given time, 1/2 to 1/4 of the employees will be struggling with something. Health, children, marital, elderly parent care, debt etc etc etc.

If you're at work, you need to be able to perform. Yes, people might notice if you used to excel and now you just meet standard. But as long as you're meeting the standard...

I would be incredibly sympathetic. Doesn’t matter if the child has SEN or not… the lack of sleep has the same effect on mum. Wanting someone to be 100% back to pre-baby performance on not enough sleep is just silly.

She needs support, and I personally have supported three colleagues through exactly this. I had my son when I was young, before I established myself at work, but 15 years later I had a lovely job where I stayed until they shut the offices and made us all redundant - but 3 women I worked directly with (all of us doing the same role) all became pregnant over a 2-year period. I was the only one who didn't get pregnant within our team as I'd had my child, so it fell to me to help, support and cover. Which I did do.

I don't know, I just didn't mind. Sure there were some frustrations, e.g. having to miss a lunch break to cover something they would have done were they in the office and not WFH (and this was before WFH was a thing) but otherwise no, I didn't mind at all.

*Editing to add that one of the women had a particularly tough time. Before she met her partner/father of their child, she was financially stable, own flat, etc. He was horrible with money, and she ended up bailing him out to such an extent that she couldn't afford to buy lunch while she was pregnant. Yep I helped her with that, too. She paid me back - not that I asked her to. So yes, happy to help as you never know what someone is dealing with. You also hope that that's extended to you when you need it.

Has anybody said anything or are you just worrying inside your own head? If no-one has said anything and your work isn’t cause for concern I’d cut myself some slack and stop fretting.

BauhauOfEliott is right as usual 😂 ( if you’ve read her posts before Op on different topics ) .
People don’t notice for all the reasons she listed above .

If you are doing the work you are paid to do and no-one is having to do extra work or be delayed in their work because of you, then they don't have a problem.

If you are not doing the work you are paid to do, some one is having to do extra work or is delayed in their work, because of you-then they do have a problem.

You going into work looking like "boiled shite" is nothing to do with anyone unless you are a model or a life coach.

"Doing a fair job but not as good as pre-mat leave. More forgetful and less energetic but no major balls have been dropped yet."

How could you possibly be annoyed about this? Just working at a decent level is superhuman in those sleep deprived months.

If you’re meeting the demands of your job spec I’d pat yourself on the back and keep on keeping on. You’ve got a lot on your plate. Anyone with any empathy should be understanding especially given your field of work. People in the office who have children is part and parcel of life, they may face challenges that others don’t. I’m sure your DC will start sleeping better at some point and in the meantime I would only worry if someone addresses your performance relative to the job description (not your past performance), which by the sound of it isn’t affected.

Most people on this site have been in her shoes. I think a bit of tolerance would be just fine.

You're massively overthinking this.

If I was your colleague... honestly, I wouldn't even have noticed any of this. You're turning up and doing your job to the required standard. Nobody at work is 'annoyed' because you can't get your kid to sleep. The chances of them noticing that you look tired are minimal, and if they have noticed they won't be 'annoyed' by it. Your appearance doesn't have any impact on them.

You're taking your own worries and anxieties about yourself and projecting them on to your colleagues. Not to sound callous here - I mean this to be reassuring - but your colleagues have their own lives and concerns and jobs and if they're not having to pick up your work or correct your mistakes, I guarantee you they aren't even thinking about whether you are less 'perky' than you were two years ago. It won't even be on their radar.

A good manager will have this organised properly so that no-one is negatively impacted.

I don't have young children, and when I did they were good sleepers but honestly, some of you really lack basic empathy. Those of us who work are indeed paid to do jobs, but we're also human beings and every single one of us will have a bad day (if we're lucky; year if we're not). You can have empathy for someone without picking up their workload or falling behind on your own. Imagine seeing someone having a shit time, struggling to keep on top of things, and actually saying (or typing) out loud "I have no sympathy". Jesus.

I have no idea why you would even remotely care about how others perceive you. When I was sleep deprived, I couldn't give a hoot what anyone thought. I was doing my best and that's what counted back then

I'd wonder if the colleague has a partner, and if so, why she doesn't appear rested half of the days she is at work.

Massive sympathy. I used to go to work running on empty for years due to lack of sleep. Working in a nursery I did have to kind of suck it up though because I obviously needed to be on the ball.
They did used to let me finish early if enough children had gone home but it didn't really help as DS still didn't sleep.
I can't believe the amount of posters who are annoyed about it. Try putting yourself in the shoes of the person who hasn't slept properly for 5 years (I appreciate it's not usually as long as that). Believe me they'd love to get a good night's sleep too.

Reciprocal is good, as well as people having a choice but when colleague does nothing and others dont have a choice that is not fair, not saying the op is like this

Would feel really sorry for you, lack of sleep is a killer.

If the worst is you aren't going over and above then nobody can complain. You are meeting your deadlines and doing what's needed.

Hope you manage to get sorted with sleep soon. Horrible being tired all the time.

Sympathy from me honey. They use sleep deprivation as a form of torture for a reason.
It will get easier though x

Op is the colleague with the baby. She's talking about herself.

To be honest I don’t really care what’s going on with people’s private life at work as long as it doesn’t impact me. My colleagues are my colleagues, not my friends. I also know any company I work for doesn’t care about me either, they care about managing me correctly so I can’t get them done for unfair dismissal if they had to sack me due to performance issues. That may come across as sympathy but it’s making sure they cover their backs.

I work in a role where I know this is true.

Are you a single parent? If not is your partner taking it in turns so that you are getting some sleep?

I’d have a tonne of sympathy and empathy, but would think that you need to more proactively address the situation, particularly if you have a partner who can take their shifts. Getting 1-2 hours in 50 hours needs to change, or there could be serious consequences such as a car accident. My first child was a horrendous sleeper, and both DH and I were absolute zombies. Even sharing it was hard. He did turn out to have ADHD though, so I wouldn’t rule out there being some SEN at play.

If you're toddler is only sleeping 1-2 hrs in 50 hours and you're doing nothing then I'd think you're a pretty negligent parent. They must be insanely overtired, there's either something drastically wrong with your parenting or a neurological issue. Even the worst sleepers will sleep a few hours a night.

Or I'd think you're over exaggerating and you're tired and need to get over it.