How much sympathy would you have for a colleague in this situation?

I get this being annoying if it impacts your work but i would also have sympathy, lack of sleep is a nightmare & it’s really not her fault. If it’s impacting you work you could tell your manager as a heads up, if its not then just get on with your day

You sound hacked off by your colleague. I can't see that anything anyone here says will affect how you feel. You have 3 options:

a) Say nothing and hope it changes - after all the child is getting older and when walking will probably be more tired.
b) Ask her if there is anything you or others can do to help
c) Complain to management that she's not pulling her weight as far as you are concerned and let them deal with it.

Up to you entirely. You have to work with the consequences of the decision you make.

Oops, OP, I missed you said you have no partner or other support. In real life, I'd likely be as PPs have mentioned, too wrapped up in my own thing to notice, or if I worked with you closely enough to notice, I'd be sympathetic, because as a parent, I know how awful lack of sleep is. It will get better. Toddlers can be difficult.

Hi OP, I can understand why it's annoying and seems unfair, it was her life choice. I will say, though, that "No SEN, just a kid who doesn't like to sleep" in regards to a baby of, what, 12-18 months? Less? It's highly unlikely that she (nevermind you) would know this at this age. You can have suspicions they do have/be fairly sure they don't have SEN but it's not something you know at that age without extensive (private) evaluations. It's easier to diagnose these things after 2 years old as they can become much more apparent, but with current waiting times for these services (assuming you are in the UK) it's not likely she'd find out soon even if she suspects as a mother. It comes across as ignorant to even suggest that opinion as though it's fact.
Definitely not minimising your overall concern as it isn't the burden of colleagues or output if she's struggling. I say this as someone that had to give up the job I loved after my second to become her carer. Your colleague can't expect to hold people or departments back while she adjusts or deals with it (regardless of whether the child has SEN or not).
Unless it's a physical role I don't think her energy is an issue, if it become longterm someone will address it with her, short term I'd try and have compassion.
Personally I'd try to give her grace where possible, but if she's regularly dumping work on you you're entitled to tell your boss rather than suffer! I hope it gets sorted, I feel for your situation it sucks, but hers may suck too.

My eldest didn't sleep a full night till she was 7! My youngest has been a great sleeper from birth
So i fully sympathise with this lady having been through it for years myself whilst also holding down a job
Its bloody hard work! I worry about this for my own daughter whos currently on maternity leave with her 4 month old and running on no sleep

I wouldn't be annoyed. Some people aren't great at their job without sleep deprivation. At least this colleague has a reason for the decline so will likely get back to being a good employee again.

Only a mother of a child with sleep issues can understand sleep deprivation combined with the need to work like everyone else. I would offer my help at work but it would be great for her to get some help from family and friends at home,. Complaining about her or demanding more would be similar to kicking someone who is on the ground trying to get up.

So lack of sleep due to a baby and you think you have a right to be annoyed?

Loads. I’ve been that cream crackered colleague after maternity leave.

OP I know this wasn’t your question but could you afford a night or two with a night nanny? Would give you a chance for a decent sleep and might help DC learn some new habits. Some of these nannies are miracle workers (I had a non sleeper too) xx

Yeah, I know a sleep trainer too. Didn't work.

I know many sleep trainers and they manage to turn things round and get the most unsettled bed hopping non sleeping children to learn how to fall asleep on own etc

without tears

just a suggestion

'Get a sleep trainer in'? Do really think it's that easy?

Believe me, if it worked like that we would all do it. Yes, I agree that changes need to be made - for the OP's sake as much as her colleagues' - but it just doesn't work like that.

Complete sympathy ... it is very very difficult, been there.

Your last sentence made me really sad for you @Bloopbloopbleep . I don't have children and am not blessed with massive amounts of patience (towards people anyway, endless patience with animals!) but even I would appreciate that you're doing your very best.

Don't you think that your colleagues are asking from a place of kindness? Or sympathy? Or solidarity? Please don't make yourself feel even worse by worrying about what others might or might not be thinking/feeling. 🌹

OP - I see you have no partner helping out.

As an employer of a mainly female team I used to get fed up with managing women who took on ALL the childcare responsibilities - the impact of lack of sleep, all the child-sick days, while the Dad, employed elsewhere, did not.

The main thing from a manager / employer pov is that you get the job done and don't eff anything up more than anyone else does.

I think you are being hard on yourself.

Is there anyone amongst friends and family who could take your child while you catch up on sleep for a few hours at the weekend?

I know you said you didn’t want sleep help but things won’t improve till you makes changes and I get it’s hard a so tired

so surely best to tackle the problem and get a sleep trainer in @Bloopbloopbleep?

sleep deprivation is lawful and used as a form of torture

to the other part of question - parenting is tiring - do you have any support via a partner

it’s hard resettling back into work after ml but if what you do doesn’t impact on others then I wouldn’t worry about it - yes say dc isn’t sleeping well at the moment if Asked but don’t go on about it (not saying you do)

I would be pissed off.
If someone was in the office yawning and dragging her feet and this was having an impact on the rest of the team, it would annoy the hell out of me.
I would expect her to sleep train, share the load with her partner if she had one or consider her options.
And yes, I am a parent and have had to do all those things.

I would have a lot of sympathy. Especially if they don't have a lot of family support because that is brutal.

It wouldn't annoy me at all. Insomnia and other sleep issues are incredibly common, so are children who are terrible sleepers, so a lot of people have experience of having to function on very little sleep and will be understanding.

I would remember that we are all human beings, not work robots, and that sleep deprivation is a hell unlike any other and that work is not the be-all and end-all. I would be sympathetic and offering additional support. I manage a team of 8 people and this is absolutely how I run my team.

I'm dealing with a similar load to you right now and it is nothing, absolutely nothing compared to having to deal with my eldest not sleeping. That made me physically and mentally ill and changed me as a person forever.

I like to think I would be sympathetic and supportive, having been there. Pre-children I'm sure I wouldn't have understood - I may have been sympathetic for a while but it would have worn off pretty quick. Now I know better and I'm just so grateful that I was in a position to not have to go back to full time work when it became clear that my child was (figuratively only, calm down) trying to destroy my sanity and kill me. I think a bigger issue is the fact that this is how so many women are forced to live now because we're not usually in a position to not work or to just hire a night nanny so someone else can deal with it. Of course it's not fair on colleagues to have to pick up the slack if someone really isn't handling their workload properly but the way we live today, mothers just giving up work isn't a solution either. Society needs to change but of course that's a different thread.

I want to comment on those pointing out that if she has another parent around this shouldn't all be on her because it isn't really that simple. I had/have a very supportive husband who would and did everything he could to help. Unfortunately I'm a light sleeper anyway, always have been - I can sleep upstairs and be woken just by the sound of a key being inserted into the front door downstairs. This meant that even sleeping apart so that my husband could deal with the nights I was woken by my child screaming so I still didn't get a decent night. Not just in the next room but on a different floor and the other side of the house, and even knowing he's dealing with it, it still isn't an easy thing to ignore and just go back to sleep. Sometimes she also didn't want him and could only be comforted by me. You also get into a bit of a vicious cycle or habit of not sleeping, so my child would go to my mother's for the night so we could both rest but then I'd automatically be woken several times during the night by my fucked up body clock and worried about my mother being able to comfort my baby and if they were OK. 50 hours without sleep? Yes, perfectly possible. My child did manage to get some sleep during that time due to sheer exhaustion but that doesn't mean I did because when I did manage to get her back to sleep, it would take me probably an hour to wind down and get back to sleep myself. Then within 30 minutes, maximum, she'd wake again. It was a similar cycle all day so there was no let up then even without having to go to work. I found I lost the ability to sleep properly at all after a while, as if my body had just forgotten how to do it even if I did have the opportunity.

I think those who aren't taking it seriously are those who haven't been there. I was terrified to have another child because of it.

On the plus side, @Bloopbloopbleep , having tried absolutely every trick you can imagine, I finally found a way to make my daughter sleep. She was three by then and I was just a shell of a person but I fixed it and I did learn to sleep and become a human being again. You'll get there too. Plus it doesn't really sound as if your colleagues have got anything to complain about. You're getting it done, you shouldn't have to feel you need to exceed normal standards.

Brilliant! Exactly this!!

Doing a fair job but not as good as pre-mat leave. More forgetful and less energetic but no major balls have been dropped yet.

Sounds good enough to me. What benefit is there for her to be firing at per-mat levels?