How much sympathy would you have for a colleague in this situation?

Do you not stop to wonder if the father of the child is similarly impacted ? If not, it would suggest that the woman is carrying the load and expected just to get on with it. Interesting that pregnancy is a protected characteristic, thus ensuring protection from discrimination in the workplace throughout the pregnancy. Parenthood, however, is not, so there is no reasonable adjustment and no protection from bias simply because you’re a parent.

As long as they’re getting the job done fine then that’s ok.

id have a lot of sympathy for them though as sleep deprivation is really shit.

Ignore me, I must have missed your second post!

@Bloopbloopbleep inwas you when dd was little. She was 6 before she reliably slept through the night. It nearly killed me. Her dad worked permanent nights ao I literally got no break.

My advice would be do whatever it takes to get some sleep.

Dd and I coslept for years because she needed someone close by her. Google the rabbit book for sleep, it was amazing at helping dd relax.

She is still at almost 13 unable to sleep in silence so she has an alexa and plays white noise (rain storms etc) but as a younger child it had stories that read throughout the night.

Good luck and just be honest with your bosses ... hiding it will make it worse.

So was that post a reverse?

I feel for you OP. You're used to going above and beyond, but right now you are having to be just good enough, and that probably hurts you right in the work ethic. But please do not worry! Good enough is perfectly fine right now. All of us have moments where we need to be asked twice for something, and all of us deserve compassion as human animals when we are below par. You are doing great.

So your child is now 2 or close to 2? Or did you go back early?

Unpopular on MN, but if at 2, they aren't sleeping, maybe time for sleep training, as 30 minutes in 2 days is either an exaggeration or not sustainable. I had a CMPA intolerant one who only slept in 20 minute blocks and went back to work full time at 4 months because it was so awful, so I am not unsympathetic, it was brutally exhausting. However, I do think a year in, I would expect anyone to be fully performing. I would have been very understanding the first couple of months, where you are adjusting, after that, less so.

To add: what I really do not care about is what people look like, hair, make you etc. None of that impacts your ability to do the job. Skip that part, get more sleep.

I’d gently enquire / suggest about sleep training methods they / she had tried

Id sympathise too
If it impacted others then suggest line manager / HR offer support

I think it’s all very standard when a person has a new baby. I would happily help in a practical way but wouldn’t like how badly you slept to be a daily topic of conversation.

This. I am in peri and my sleep is shocking at the moment - I am barely getting 2-3 hours a night. There are lots of situations where people's sleep is affected through no fault of their own and its not always to do with kids.

I am not entirely unsympathetic as I have three kids myself but at the end of the day its our responsibility to ensure we are still functioning at work and its not fair on others to be taking up the slack 🤷‍♀️

Are you full time? Just wondering as reducing your hours (if possible) could help.

I would be really sympathetic and understanding, and know that things will get better.

sorry but “no SEN” is a really ignorant thing to say. If she’s just returned from mat leave, the kid is what, one? Almost no children with SEND have a firm diagnosis at 1 and lots don’t even have vastly different behaviours from their peers at 1. Apart from the sleep, usually.

I am not saying her child has SEN, my point is that you have absolutely no idea so why on earth are you bringing that into it.

Poor you OP. I have been that person too, it was hellish. It had such a huge impact on your lives and we tried everything- all the methods, all the gadgets. Some kids are just not good sleepers.

If it’s not impacting others’ work then they have no right to an opinion about it. Most people are sympathetic and kind people inherently, but you’ll always get the moaning Minnies that like to have opinions and complain.

Personally I would have a lot of sympathy if it was something out of their control, and they were doing all they could to rectify the situation.

I think the only relevance for them having SEN is that it may go on for longer.

I'd sympathise because dd2 didn't sleep more than 2 hours a shot until she was 20 months. Yes I tried all methods you want to mention. None worked.
It is just as tiring to deal with that if they have sen as not. You don't even sleep well while they're sleeping as you are on edge for them waking up.

I'd have more sympathy if they were on their own as my salvation was dh taking her out for a number of hours every Saturday just to give me a few hours uninterrupted sleep.

Do colleagues take that much notice to see you are not as “perky”? I don’t think I’d notice, most of us are just at work because we have to be.

I’d have loads of sympathy, and my children were brilliant sleepers.

what’s the solution? To me not having sympathy would be someone doing something really out there and risky and deliberately choosing to do something unnecessary that’s going to impact work. Having children is a natural part of life!

I'd support and help her. She will improve, give her a break. As you say, no balls have been dropped so far.

If mistakes are being made and I was the person expected to fix them or pick up additional work I would probably be a little frustrated.

However, having had 2 children who were against sleeping, I'd also have some sympathy because sleep deprivation is a form of torture. It's not just being a bit tired, it's a fog of exhaustion that you just can't grasp of you haven't been there.

Humans are not machines. Regardless of the reason (and mine was a terrible sleeper until about 4, so I remember it well), nobody works at 100% all the time. I would show understanding, as we all should to others struggling with life.
I would think very poorly of someone complaining in that scenario though.

I would be ensuring the colleague was aware of and taking advantage of any employee wellbeing assistance that the company offered.
I would also be making sure i was being super clear about clarity of expectations (and how measured) and giving timely specific and constructive feedback.

Loads of sympathy, I've been there and it's horrible.