Where do you hide your running away fund

In general, men don't need to because in many marriages they are the higher earner. Many nasty men control the money.

They have income and pensions which many women lose out on when they reduce their work to bring up children.

This is exactly what the OP has done.

It's only half way through this thread that she has alluded to deep problems within the marriage and needs to get out.

My sympathy is with her.
Your point about 'trust' is misplaced.

It sounds as if this marriage is over.
Some women (literally) fear for their lives if in an abusive marriage.
If she wants to hide her income to set herself free, that's not wrong.

If it not a secret then there is no breach of trust. That is what people generally do.

In this thread it is about hiding it. In that case the trust is gone and the marriage is over. There is no way you would be defending men hiding assets in a divorce like this.

As many PPs have said just open another account in your name only use a different bank. I don't receive any paperwork from any of the banks I use, I have accounts with 3 banks.

Nonsense.
The idea of a running away fund is that you may or may not ever need it.
It's like insurance.

It doesn't have to be a secret.

The OP clearly has a LOT of issues which she's chosen not to talk about.

But for most women it's to have some independence. And they don't end up in a refuge or homeless if something dreadful happens.

I've had a 'running away 'fund for 40 years.
I've never used it. DH knows I have my own savings, ISAs etc.
I don't call it a running away fund. I call it being an independent person.

It's there in case I ever need my own money.

For anyone with a "running away" fund it only a matter of time before divorce comes. As I say the marriage is already over the minute you think you need a running away fund.

Don't get me wrong it is sensible planning - but as soon you start the planning you are on the road to the end.

If the marriage was still alive you'd have a conversation and have both parties holding some of the cash in an honest open way rather than lying about it.

DH knows I have lots of my own savings/investments - he even helped me set up the investments. We call it my running away fund - he earns a lot more than me and almost all of it was money he has given to me at various times when he gets bonuses.

Keeping thousands in cash might not be the best idea, but good to keep some in case of emergency.

You're going to be paid thousands of pounds (or whatever the currency is) in cash each month?

So strange.

Terrible security issues around that .

Has this been answered? Most accounts now are paperless and online banking. You can choose which you want.

Not really.
It's not about trust surely. It's the reality that 40% of marriages end in divorce and even more relationship where couples live together.

Think of all the women who hang out here and for whatever reason need or want to leave. There are too many saying they don't have a deposit for a rental, can't move out etc etc.

If a woman is earning, she ought to keep some of that in her own account.
I've worked since I was 16- Saturday jobs- and when I married in my 30s I had several savings accounts.

My earnings when I was married went into my account and I moved some over to our joint account.

I couldn't ever be in a situation where I had no access to money (allowing of course for a division of assets if we divorce.)

Agreed.

My mum - born 1925 - always counselled that wives should have some money of their own set aside “Just in case”.

I would say that many of the threads that I’ve read on Mumsnet suggest that Mum’s advice was sensible. Some men don’t show their true character straight away.

shades of Jessica in the Nancy Mitford novels.

I think having a “fcuk off fund” when in a relationship is like having “good fences which make good neighbours”

it’s a state between fully dependent and fully independent which provides options.

Aside from the hiding cash situation, you're not married so if anything were to happen to either of you, who gets what regarding the house and other assets, because as it stands your DD is both your next of kin. So you both should at least make wills if you haven't done so already. As for 'hiding' cash in the house, burglars always know where to look - and what if there was a fire?

You wont be able to pay a trip to disneyland in cash. So just get a bank account.
If dp asks just say you are putting money aside for dd.
Simple

Fair play girl 👏🏼

I have no need to hide my Fuck Off Fund

"I want/need to save the money for an important reason-medical tests and help for my ill Dd and then possibly a trip to Disneyland in a year or so"

Haven't RTFT but the title is misleading if you call it a "running away fund" and then say actually it's for something else. And if it's really for medical tests / going to Disneyland can you not say so?
People have given advice in good faith but the whole thing sounds a bit of a muddle.

I think the minute you think you need to plan a running away fund is the minute you should be looking for a divorce. The trust is gone at that point.

i have cash in empty bottles on my dresser. and some in a safe that only i have the key to. its lying in a obvious place (the key) but you know what men are like and finding stuff!

With an app called Chip (similar to Monzo). They’ve never sent any paper correspondence to me in three years of being with them.

People have said Premium Bonds, but I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned that you have to wait a few days to get your money, so it’s not instantly accessible which in some cases wouldn’t be helpful.

Depends where this 'running away fund' cash is coming from, if you have any side hussles or income your other half is unaware of you can have another bank account of your very own!

I loathe these threads. Why even bother being in a ‘committed’ long term relationship if you’re going to hide money from your partner? Can you imagine all the shocked gasps and pearl clutching if a man dared to hide even two pence from his wife??!!

in case anyone didn’t get that, I don’t have a running away fund because I don’t feel the need for one.

This makes zero sense. How do you get paid? Cash? I don’t think so. Your employer surely pays into a bank account so your husband sees the unless you can get paid into 2 accounts?

There are several online accounts that operate solely online. You can opt out of any written correspondence. Open one of those. Monzo, starling, revolution, Lloyd’s, etc. Surely he isn’t monitoring so closely that he would notice one letter addressed to you annually in a plain envelope. If he does then I would start to wonder whether you are in a controlling relationship. I personally wouldn’t have a joint account with some one who I wasn’t married to and was shit with money.