To wonder how many other mums are like this?

My dad is obsessed with weight. He always comments if someone is overweight, has put on weight or has lost weight. When he says this I just don’t say a word and let the awkward silence sink in. He’s too old to change now.

"Mom, I think that's more your issue than hers, so I'll leave her to feel good about herself."

Passitalong .I think children are being offered biscuits when out ,and being told they are not allowed by Grandma not "funny" at all .Really you are Mum ,and you will gave to deal with the girls as they reach teenage years.They have enough to deal with at School/Media with this sort of rubbish.Home should be a place to relax and unwind, not worrying what they can and cant eat! I expect any grandsons are excused this unwelcome advice.

We had exactly this and as well as tackling it as much as possible with easily offended parents we also explained to kids from young age that both sides of grandparents were nuts about food because of their childhoods. Easier for us as one side convinced everyone too thin and ill and other(my) side convinced everyone morbidly obese. So we just explained that the old fashioned approaches confused people about food and health and led to wonky beliefs but that we were lucky as we knew more now. Lessened my worry about risk of EDs or damaged self perception.

I agree totally with the sentiment but no way I’d want to stamp on a paper bag full of dog shit, on fire or not

This. And point out if you cant say anything nice don't say anything at all. The only problem with the caring responsibilities is you don't know what she says when you are not there. You have to put your foot down very hard and tell her she is not to say anything to your daughter or you about anything to do with image. That it is her problem and she should keep her thoughts to herself.

My mum was like this, I'm an absolutely fine weight, but I was never skinny enough, even if I ate only a few hundred calories a day.

I would weigh up the childcare and also just keep going with the positive role modelling with DD and boundaries with DM.

It is really common - woman are strongly encouraged to look good, to focus on appearance- all those 1950s mags reminding women to do their make up before husband gets home, all the way through to social media images today

I can’t see it be terribly easy to change someone when they have absorbed those messages so completely

for your child - you need to focus on her being healthy and active , working hard at school , wearing what she likes but she will be exposed to the same messages everywhere

I completely agree with this. This sort of thing is absolutely pernicious and you need to be very hardline about it. If necessary give her an ultimatum: she stops with the orthorexia by proxy or she doesn’t get to have a relationship with the children.

My mum is like this. Horrible relationship with her own body/food, appears to be physically incapable of stopping herself from burdening everyone else with it. Anecdotally a lot of my friends' mums are the same. It's fucking exhausting, I walked out of her house on boxing day because she very heavily and over the top kept praising how good I looked now (I was very ill the back end of last year and lost a lot of weight on top of some intentional weight loss earlier in the year). For your kids' sake, please stand up to her: I know it's hard because it's so common, but as you know, it fucks you up.

My great aunt ( early eighties but young at heart ) is awful for commenting on people's weight. She told me on the phone that her daughter ( my cousin) had 'got enormous'. My cousin is around a 12/14 ! She also made comments about her own granddaughter and that she was overweight. granddaughter was around three at the time and just had that slight chubbiness' that toddlers have at that age. The only time she doesn't seem to recognize obesity is with her own dog who is the size of a barrel and she seems to be completely oblivious. I honestly am put off going to any family gatherings as I am obese and just know she will be thinking how huge I am.
In regards to your own situation I would echo what previous posters have said, just tell her you don't want to hear comments on your child's weight or appearance.

I understand the stress of trying to find and afford appropriate childcare, but unless you are able and willing to ensure your mother stops this foolishness then you are complicit in allowing your child to be in this situation. Growing a backbone is hard, but growing it for your child is essential. Good luck. Mum sounds an absolute horror. Six years old!

‘Let me stop you there, mum. You do not ever make that kind of comment to or about my children or me again. A six year old does not need a ‘flattering’ garment. She’s six. Her body is a thing she runs around in. Do not foist your own insecurity on a child.’

I think you have to straight out tell her not to comment on their bodies and not to comment on anyone else's around them.

‘I won’t allow you to comment on my children’s weight or body shape. These comments will be ignored and it will erode our relationship.’

Please stand up to your mother. This isn’t OK.

I would look her dead in the eyes and tell her that there's nothing wrong with the bairn and if she ever tries to do to her what she did to you, she would know about it. She's not to comment on size or weight to your child under any circumstances.

You need to stamp down on this like a dog shit full paper bag that's on fire.

I got my dd a new dress for her birthday and she tried it on at my mum’s. She told me on the phone that it’s not flattering and it makes her arms look fat. Shes 6. 😭

"I think she looks fine".

Don't let your mother undermine you.