In wanting DH to go to bed early

Have you tried telling him to stop being a selfish bell end?

I now have dreadful sleep issues & I'm not well, but if you said to me you want to sleep in, I'd set an alarm & get up with the kids whenever you wanted me to.

When children were babies/young (& I was too!) I was always awake early so never minded the early starts, he had other strengths.

I wouldn't 'go there' with what time he goes to bed/sleep, just say you need (whatever? To sleep in on Sunday mornings?) & you need him to set an alarm & be awake for when the kids wake up)

talk to him, make him see you want/need thus. He might think you're fine with it?! Unless you've been hinting/meaning? Be direct & clear about what you need!

WOW.

Not stupid or pathetic but living for years with someone and demonstrating such a massive lack of boundaries/ putting up with bad behaviour is going to help you how??

Of course it’s his responsibility to manage himself but accepting it endlessly when he doesn’t makes a woman in this situation part of the problem/ perpetuates the cycle of “men get to do whatever they want while women pick up the slack invisibly”.

Nope. He's a parent and needs to get up and share the load at tge very least at weekends.

That would make me furious. I have to do all the mornings with the kids too, but that’s because my DH doesn’t get home from work til 1am (shift worker). I hate it even though I can’t get annoyed with him. I never ever get a lie in as his adjusted body clock now means he ends up staying up late doesn’t wake at the weekends too. He does try coming to bed earlier but just doesn’t sleep

What should you differently? You haven’t even said if you have discussed his piss poor behaviour with him, start there.

By allowed it to happen I meant him doing wtf he wants whole his wife picks up the slack and does everything else. It’s not about controlling another persons bedtime, but you can’t act like a single fucking man when you are married with children.

It’s totally unacceptable for him not to get up on any weekday morning.

Could he not do Mondays, as he won’t have worked and got home and 7pm on Sunday, and then maybe Wednesdays or Thursdays? And then you should get a lie in on Saturday.

i understand the appeal of staying up late and unwinding, but he needs to have an earlier night if he wants more sleep. Even going to bed at midnight means another two hours of sleep and it’s still a pretty late night.

Yeah. The internalised misogyny is mind boggling. Of course the problem is with the women who tolerate it, rather than the men who, you know, do it……

Find an activity that forces you to be up and out the house at 8am one weekend morning every week.

Stupid pathetic women, eh?

I think he can go to bed when he wants, but he needs to be getting up early at least some of the week. What time does he start work?

God this is depressing. Why do women accept this behavior from husbands/ partners?! My DH would naturally stay awake late and sleep in late on the mornings but he doesn’t because he’s not a selfish Ahole.

Exactly! Too right OP. Him staying up till 2 is forcing you to go to bed early as at least one person has to be responsible for their own kids.
I absolutely wouldn't tolerate this. He gets home at 7, boohoo, I used to get home at 7 every day from work. Tell him he has to get up and deal with his kids, at least once a weekend. Set a really loud alarm and stick it next to his head.

Teach the 6yr old to bounce on daddy until he wakes up in the mornings

Allowed to happen?
Nobody tells an other adult how to do their "bed time".
I'm sure it's not anything new about him.

He’s a selfish man who doesn’t care as long as he’s alright . Have strong words . If he gets up earlier he might be ready for bed earlier too.

I really don’t think you can tell a grown man when to go to bed.

can you negotiate your alone time at another time, as a PP suggested? So you still get the same solo rest

I have a similar issue with my DP, that I do the mornings every day, but for different reasons. He has a job that he leaves for work at 6am, and on weekends I let him lay in. My body clock won't let me lie in, however around 9am he'll come down and make me a coffee and run me a bath. Could this be a compromise?

I go to bed very late, and if I went to bed any earlier, I'd just be lying in bed awake - I'm rarely asleep before 2am, regardless of whether I'm in bed or downstairs, and I would certainly be very unimpressed if my partner tried to give me a bedtime, because I'm not a child. Everyone's body clock is different and trying to push him to have early nights may well a) not make any difference to the time he falls asleep and b) end up with you being kept awake by him tossing and turning next to you. I also think that, if he doesn't get home until past 7pm, it's probably hard for him to unwind from work and that might affect his schedule too.

You need to have a conversation with him about him getting up in the morning with the kids more often as he needs to pull his weight (assuming that you both work full time?) but I wouldn't frame it as 'You need to go to bed earlier'.

That is annoying! Maybe say you’ll have a weekly Sunday afternoon out of the house on your own then, to make up for the extra childcare that you’re doing.

Either you’ll get a nice break (although not a lie in) or he’ll find that he suddenly manages to wake up in the morning.