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AIBU?

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Original poster

In wanting DH to go to bed early

132 replies

TicklishHedgehog · 16/01/2026 15:13

DH generally only gets in from work at gone 7. He stays up super late, often only goes to bed at around 2 in the morning.

The problem is he’s then exhausted the next morning and we have two young children. So when they wake up it’s me who goes to them as DH is unconscious. For years now I’ve got up with them in the morning and I don’t mind in the week but never having a break from it gets me down

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 18/01/2026 16:19

What do you want from this thread OP?

oviraptor21 · 18/01/2026 16:19

Go get your little one. Put her in DP's bedroom. Go back to bed.

Original poster
TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 16:18

@WallaceinAnderland , he doesn’t hear. If you’re not going to accept that then it’s pointless keeping posting: no one wants a back and forth of ‘he does / he doesn’t.’

@Noshadelamp i literally did that for over a year, it made no difference. He has never been good in the mornings tbf. I just want to say of course you’re fucking exhausted if you go to bed at 2 and are up at 6!

OP posts:
Purlant · 18/01/2026 16:18

TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 16:01

This may be the only way I get some peace and quiet. I’m worried he wouldn’t hear them if they wake in the night, though, or go to them in the morning.

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He will hear them. He just doesn’t have to as you get up with them. I second trying it out for one night, go to a friend’s house, turn off your phone. He will have their number in case of an actual emergency, but he will have to call your friend and it will probably put him off having to embarrassingly say that being tired and needing you is an emergency according to him!!

WallaceinAnderland · 18/01/2026 16:16

He hears but knows that you will deal with it so he doesn't need to rouse himself. If you book yourself into a hotel next Friday night and tell him he's in charge of the children, he will deal with it.

How would he react if you told him that?

Noshadelamp · 18/01/2026 16:15

TicklishHedgehog · 16/01/2026 20:08

? I want to sleep in!

Thing with accusing me of tolerating it … what should I do differently?

Ignore my toddler crying for hours?
Kick him out?

I honestly don’t know. He will get up with them but it just takes so long to get him out of bed and then I’m just … you know, awake. It would be so nice to vaguely hear the kids and roll over and go back to sleep …

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Work out a schedule, in advance, and then it's up to him to sort himself out as to what time he'll go to bed in preparation for getting up earlier.

You might have to persist with being awake but not getting up until he gets used to getting up earlier. Eventually surely he'll work out he needs to go to bed earlier.

Just tell him you're unable to keep getting up with the kids every single day, it's not fair and you're not doing it any longer.

Original poster
TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 16:14

WallaceinAnderland · 18/01/2026 16:13

He will hear them. He hears them now.

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I promise, he doesn’t. He just carries on snoring. It could well be because subconsciously he knows he doesn’t have to get up with them, but I’ve been in a hotel room with him where he’s snored through crying children.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 18/01/2026 16:13

TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 16:01

This may be the only way I get some peace and quiet. I’m worried he wouldn’t hear them if they wake in the night, though, or go to them in the morning.

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He will hear them. He hears them now.

FuzzyWolf · 18/01/2026 16:12

Can you just spend the night in the guest or spare bedroom so that you aren’t in your bed for your children to wake up in the morning?

Original poster
TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 16:12

i do wake him up, but because it takes forever to wake him, even longer to get him out of bed, then he goes grunting and groaning to the toilet and I end up getting dd as she’s crying and hysterical and so it’s not a calm stress free morning. I will admit I just generally don’t bother now but in the past I did. but over Christmas the kids kept waking so early and I was tired …

I don’t know really. I wouldn’t exactly get to sleep in if I LTB!

OP posts:
acorncrush · 18/01/2026 16:09

Set a schedule in advance of who is on morning duty with the kids and take it in turns. If he has a high stress job and you don’t then that can mean just taking weekends in turns if you like.

But when it is his morning with the kids and he doesn’t wake up, wake him up. He will probably sleep in the first few times and require vigorous waking, but as you’ve let this go on for years a short transition period isn’t too much more. Enforce him getting up on his days and you staying in bed, even though you don’t get a lie in.

Within a couple of weeks he should realise you’re serious and actually wake up instead of leaving it to you. If he doesn’t hear when they wake up then he can set an alarm.

Original poster
TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 16:08

SheilaFentiman · 18/01/2026 16:06

I think that the sleeping brain can adjust to knowing if ”someone else” will deal with the problem.

If, say, he didn’t wake up in the morning, would your 6 year old eventually come and get him?

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Yes, it’s the little one I’m worried about.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 18/01/2026 16:07

Could you phone him from your room if the kids are kicking off and he’s sleeping through it??

SheilaFentiman · 18/01/2026 16:06

TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 16:01

This may be the only way I get some peace and quiet. I’m worried he wouldn’t hear them if they wake in the night, though, or go to them in the morning.

Show quote history

I think that the sleeping brain can adjust to knowing if ”someone else” will deal with the problem.

If, say, he didn’t wake up in the morning, would your 6 year old eventually come and get him?

Original poster
TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 16:01

BuckChuckets · 18/01/2026 15:47

So what has he suggested he's going to do to change things? I'm going to guess...nothing. Because he doesn't care and he's not interested in changing. So the choice is yours - accept this is your life, or leave.

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It’s rather a nuclear option though, isn’t it?

OP posts:
Original poster
TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 16:01

WallaceinAnderland · 18/01/2026 15:45

Book yourself into a hotel once a month and sleep in as long as you like.

This may be the only way I get some peace and quiet. I’m worried he wouldn’t hear them if they wake in the night, though, or go to them in the morning.

OP posts:
Redpeach · 18/01/2026 15:51

What a tosser, take it in turns

BuckChuckets · 18/01/2026 15:47

TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 14:49

I have raised it but in the moment he just doesn’t wake up, then says ‘well I couldn’t help it; I didn’t hear her.’

So what has he suggested he's going to do to change things? I'm going to guess...nothing. Because he doesn't care and he's not interested in changing. So the choice is yours - accept this is your life, or leave.

WallaceinAnderland · 18/01/2026 15:45

Book yourself into a hotel once a month and sleep in as long as you like.

SheilaFentiman · 18/01/2026 15:41

Ohhhh… yeah, that’s kind of pertinent info!

Buy and hide an alarm clock in his room next Friday night? 😀

SheilaFentiman · 18/01/2026 15:40

If they are always up before 6, could you set an alarm which does wake him for 0545, then that does half the work of waking him for you?

Original poster
TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 15:39

I don’t actually sleep with him because when he comes to bed so late he disturbs me. So I do need to actually get up and go into another room in order to wake him. (I sometimes forget most married couples do sleep together: we never have really!)

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 18/01/2026 15:38

TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 15:26

Yes, it isn’t a lie in though. It’s waking up and going back to bed.

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Ideally, you don’t physically get up, you just poke him until he wakes up 😀 but if you do it every single Saturday (say) he may well start going to bed earlier so he’s easier to rouse.

Original poster
TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 15:26

SheilaFentiman · 18/01/2026 15:07

Wake him, when it is his turn, even if waking him makes you thoroughly awake. Then stay in bed and read, do puzzles, whatever is relaxing.

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Yes, it isn’t a lie in though. It’s waking up and going back to bed.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 18/01/2026 15:07

TicklishHedgehog · 18/01/2026 14:49

I have raised it but in the moment he just doesn’t wake up, then says ‘well I couldn’t help it; I didn’t hear her.’

Wake him, when it is his turn, even if waking him makes you thoroughly awake. Then stay in bed and read, do puzzles, whatever is relaxing.

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