In wanting DH to go to bed early

The point is OP, if you won't change and he won't change then nothing will change and you will just have to accept that.

You say you posted to see if other people have this problem. Overwhelmingly the responses are that they do not. So it's your call. Either do something about it, or don't.

Personally I would get him up every morning. Even if both of us are up.

Either you take turns to have a lie in or neither of you has a lie in. That's actually fair and he can't argue with that.

What I would not do is what you are doing now which is letting him have all the lie ins and you have none.

Tell him he needs to set an alarm and get up one day on the weekend to have the kids.
It's fine to stay up late but not if it means abdicating responsibility the next morning.
I'm a stay up late person. I usually can't sleep if I go to bed before midnight. But if I need to get up early, I still get up early. Honestly, it's not that hard to do.
Maybe, he'll get tired and go to bed a bit earlier on occasion.

Also, if he genuinely wants to go to bed earlier but gets distracted, you could have the wifi router go off midnight to 6 (or whatever)

@TicklishHedgehog

If you think he genuinely wants to change, then he can take his phone off silent.

I think there are apps/clocks which make
you do something eg maths before you can snooze them. Or he puts the clock the other side of the room so he has to get up to it. If it wakes the DC that day, so be it - they were going to get max another 30 mins anyway. You don’t need it, so on your get up day, no alarm to wake them (and maybe you are more likely to get the extra sleep Sunday if they woke up a little earlier Saturday)

Have your night away, but put the baby into his room to sleep. You sound a very caring mother x

OK well just accept your excuses and carry on as you are OP.

Suggestions so far

Put an alarm clock in his room
Call him from your phone
Baby monitor in his room
Wake him up then go back to bed
Take the child to him and go back to bed
Be consistent. Do it every weekend day until he lets you lie in

Go to a friends house overnight
Go to a hotel overnight
Tell him to step up and parent his children

All of these require you to change your own behaviour. If you won't do that, then nothing will change.

So what was the point of you even posting? Just to vent? Because he does not give a shit about you or what you want/need, and you're not prepared to do anything about that, so do you just need us to say 'this is your life now, deal with it'? Or what? I'm very confused.

l completely agree - everyone has their good and bad traits as parents and people in general! In my view the most important thing is that they actually get the point/are controlling the controllable. Do you feel that’s the case here?

You might just have to let them figure it out if you want a night away. As above, my DH is the same in that he genuinely doesn’t wake up when 2 yo DC wakes up (although we split lie ins as I just wake him up and go back to sleep). When I was last away, when DC woke in the night (as they usually do), DC just got herself into our bed and they slept in there happily 😅 Similarly, I’m often out of the house before work before both DC and DH are awake - DC will just go into our room and wake up DH. My point is that waiting for perfect conditions probably won’t happen but, as long as he’s willing, they will
work it out.

It's not just leaving that's been suggested though is it. There have been lots of other suggestions but you won't do any of them.

If you don't change your own behaviour, nothing will change.

So he genuinely doesn’t give a shit about you? Or does he think of himself as a good bloke who accidentally does this? Because if it’s the second, you can leverage that. “I’ve been asking for a lie in for six years, I eventually gave up. I’m struggling because I believe if you cared, I’d get a lie in. Every weekend. I haven’t had one in six years. I’m starting to think that means you don’t love or care about me. Which makes me incredibly sad.” Then wait. In silence. Don’t prompt, don’t suggest. Don’t let off the hook.

And as PP have said, every single weekend, wake him up. If you don’t get a lie in on Saturday, wake him both mornings. It has to cost him MORE not to give you a lie in.

And the answer the next day is, “DH that didn’t work. It’s Saturday today, we have another chance tomorrow. How are you going to make sure I get a lie in?”

He is using your passivity. Stop being passive.

I’m not sure the time he gets back from work or his bedtime are the problem. My DH and I are both, on different days, back from work later than 7pm. We both also often stay up until midnight/1am/2am. Similar to you, my DH genuinely doesn’t wake up at the sound of DC waking up. We still take it in turns - I just wake him up when it’s his turn (which can take a while) and go back to sleep (or, if I can’t, at least stay in bed).

There are certain things you can’t control. I agree with PP that you can’t control his bedtime (and it’s not necessarily the source of the issue anyway). You also can’t control whether he wakes up himself / how long he takes to wake up when you wake him and whether you can get back to sleep. You’re not unreasonable to feel frustrated about it. But if I were you, I’d still wake him up (rather than assuming the wake up role) and just work on getting yourself back to sleep (although your understandable feelings of frustration are probably contributing to the difficulty!).

So he gets home at 7, when do you get home? Do you both work full time? What time do you both start work? Im trying to work out why its always on you to get up with the DC - if you are both working similar hours yanbu and he needs to pull his weight but if, for example, you are a sahm then yabu as youve presumably agreed to take on that role.

Is there a wider issue in that you dont get a break or you dont get intimacy or time together? I think you need to have a calm.conversation - and discuss how you can both have your needs met

This is one of those situations where you want someone else to change their behaviour but you are not prepared to change yours.

What has he said when you've asked him to go to bed earlier?