MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

Personally?

I'd tell your sister you won't be attending.

If she's that self-centred and selfish to worry about a baby 'stealing her thunder', even her MOH SISTER's much longed for newborn after multiple miscarriages, she doesn't deserve to have you standing up for her. She's failing to be there for you. Selfish cunt, imo.

Wow this is bonkers! Poor form of the bride to not allow the baby to be in the premises. I personally think if she wanted you there she would allow the baby there actually at the wedding.
when I got married we said no to kids, but only because we had so many guests with children it would have got out of hand, but we did invite immediate family children - as in our nieces and nephews. If we had guests with nursing babies we would have also allowed.
i also attended a wedding with my son being 2 weeks old as DH was a grooms man. The bride had no issues at all. I always took baby to the hotel room to feed or if fussing. At no point did I steal the attention.

Wait til she has a child and you don’t invite her tiny baby to something big for you!
will she realise what an idiot she was or continue being so self-absorbed?

Sorry its come to this and that your parents have to "mediate".

I think you made a wise choice. Even if baby was allowed you wouldn't be able to put the effort into being an MOH that someone like your sister would expect... because you'd be busy tending to the baby unless they were asleep... but there's no guarantee they would sleep through it.

You are actually doing her a favour. You have no guarantee of arrival date, your health and feelings and the babys... It might all go like a dream and I hope it does, but you will be learning to care for your baby and might have some hurdles. What if you had to have a C Section? People do and recover and its all good, but I doubt you'd want to go to a wedding straight after one.

It's rotten of your sister to stress you out over this whilst you are pregnant and frankly I would say that to your parents too... who should know better...There is nothing to "mediate" that makes it sound like you are also being witholding but you are thinking of yourself and your baaby's well being.. and quite right too!.
There is no half way in her position.
Your parents should be explaining to her that she needs to stop tantruming and accept that although you'd have liked to be MOH... its just not possible.

You are not being unreasonable.

Someone who doesn’t have children themselves shouldn’t get to dictate this! She has no idea what she’s talking about. It would be me and baby together all day or not going

Your sister sounds absolutely horrible. Tell her you need to put your baby first and won’t be able to go.

Honestly, there is not much worse than forcing a baby to be apart from his mummy. It's unnatural and cruel.

What a bridezilla! Absolutely no way!!! The baby NEEDS YOU and is solely reliant on you. You will be angry with her for the rest of your life for the trauma she will put both you and your baby (who will be THE most important person in your life, you're whole reason for living!) and just WANTS to be centre of attention, which she will be even if the baby attended. The baby will get a few 'aww cute' faces, and most people will leave you alone or hold him while you pop to the toilet. She should be happy for you, as you are for her. Neither or you understand what it's like looking after a newborn. They want their mumma, and they want them 100 % of the time and they are not prepared to be reasonable on this, and nor should they. Your sister needs to compromise. You and your baby make up one whole being. You will feel
his absence as much as he will yours. You cannot be away from him for a whole day. You will both be miserable, while your sister will be having the time of her life, not even noticing you. She is being utterly unreasonable, selfish and self centered. Surely your mother had had a word with her on this?

good luck!!! Do not bend to the will of others, your mother instincts are correct! You baby NEEDS you, she doesn't, she JUST wants the spotlight. She needs to get over herself, she is not more important than a helpless newborn baby who just wants (needs!) his mummy.

You don't know how you'll feel 4/6 weeks after your baby is born. I think your sister is being unreasonable, certainly not you. I'm shocked that she won't allow her newborn niece or nephew attend the wedding and to not allow them to be in a hotel room at the venue is shocking. What have your parents said about this?
Personally, I wouldn't be attending the wedding, my children come first. I would say that you've been more than accommodating.

Oh dear oh dear. I hope you and your sister can find a solution and the grace to forgive one another so this doesn’t create a massive rift between the two of you. Because none of you have children yet I think you can have the grace to forgive some naive expectations from your sisters end.

You’ve proposed a very reasonable solution. A sacrifice on your end but still achievable. I hope your sister will come around and see that or that you discuss a way to be less involved so that it will take the pressure off “perfect attendance” for you and decrease stress/uncertainty for your sister.

I’m having my third baby soon. I’d decline any invitation - except maybe if my sister was to get married, I’d try to make it work but only with a close family member or husband watching the baby and with the flexibility of being able to leave early if needed. Even if baby wasn’t with me I’d likely need to leave shortly to pump so that I wouldn’t leak milk all over my dress. At this stage probably feeding every 3 hours or so. On the other hand it would be very hard for me to see the baby and then say goodbye so my preferred solution might have been to let husband watch the baby and give expressed milk. And only stay for a certain amount of hours. But there is always the uncertainty - at this stage you don’t even know if the baby will take a bottle only contact nap and so on. What’s good about the age though is that they tend to sleep a lot and in a way be less fussed about who is holding them as long as they are carried a lot.

All that being said, your sister is showing some odd behaviour and people have raised the question of other expectations around hen/wedding that you may not be able to fulfil and expectations is better set early. Not sure how to best do that with a person already so sensitive to perceived unfair treatment. Your parents attention will probably be important to assure her she is loved and not forgotten.

Tell her you're not going. I didn't want to leave my babies at that age and I hadn't had the trauma you've had to get them. Stay home and soak up every little squeek and cuddle with your newborn

My sister had a baby 6 weeks before my wedding, and I asked nothing of her, baby was invited to the whole thing. No one who was there would in any way think the baby upstaged her. Your sister is being really self centred.

How unreasonable of your sister. I cant imagine for one minute that you will want to leave your new born baby amd what if youre breastfeeding. All babies are special but it sounds like yours is a miracle baby and you will want to do everything to give this baby the best in life.
I cant believe she expects you to put the baby in a different hotel so you will have to travel back and forth to feed him/her.
I think youre being more than reasonable asking your MIL to look after the baby upstairs out of the way.
Can you ask your mum.to speak to your sister perhaps? What does she think?
If not I would say to your sister that due to the age of your baby and as you maybe breastfeeding then you will either need the baby to be upstairs in the hotel or unfortunately you won't be able to go to the wedding.

Your bridezilla sister is being a crazy crazy beeatch. Her general bridezilla behaviour will only get worse as the wedding draws closer. Pull out now and sit back and watch the shit show from the sidelines safe in the knowledge you are well out of it.

If she has children (and maybe even if not) she will one day remember saying those things and behaving this way and cringe.

Totally unreasonable. Do not go!

For someone to be that jealous of a tiny baby is just ridiculous,

my brother and his wife organised their child’s baptism for the week after my dd was born, they did it in the hope we wouldn’t go, but I was determined not to miss my nephews baptism. She didn’t want my baby to steal her child’s limelight. It’s all so sad.

personally I’d back out of being MOH and tell her you can’t commit to that when you have such a tiny baby. I’d also be saying that your baby comes to the wedding or you won’t be there either, she can not expect you to leave such a small baby.

OP respectfully your sister……..actually I better not as I might get banned. How are you close & that’s her attitude knowing this is your miracle baby!!!!

I know it’s her big day but seriously some women need to get a grip.

If your baby is with your MIL in a room how is that going to affect her?!

What are your parents saying?

If it was me it’s a non-negotiable that your baby is there & OP you do not know how you will be feeling after the birth so you may need the room yourself to rest. A wedding is a lot!

If your own sister can’t see that & accommodate you & nephew then she is not much of a sister. How you can worry about a small baby taking any limelight is selfish in my opinion.

Apologies if it sounds harsh but she knows what you have gone through ‘supposedly’ & her reaction is cold.

Please put yourself and your baby first if your family won’t.

You can’t be separated from a 4-6 week old baby. They are utterly dependent on their mothers. Even popping up to a room in the same hotel multiple times a day is going to be incredibly stressful for both you and the baby.

Your sister needs to understand that if the baby can’t attend the wedding, you won’t be able to be there except extremely briefly. At most I would attend the ceremony. Your husband could be just outside with the baby.

Your sister needs a serious headwobble and to have her bridezilla stick removed from her backside!

Absolutely no way you can be away from such a young baby.
definitely either just tell her that you baby will be in a room with MIL, or you will have to withdraw.

Tell me your marriage won't last without telling me your marriage won't last. Your sister is a self-centered monster who is getting married for the wrong reasons.

You won't want to be away from your newborn likely at all, without it being for a few hours. Nevermind 1-2 days.

So sorry it's come to you not being able to attend your sisters wedding, but you'll have the best reason to not go ❤️ Congrats on your rainbow baby!

I’ve just seen this post and can’t believe what I’ve read. Loads of people have newborns at siblings weddings including myself. What an utterly bizarre thing to do. Even if you did have your MiL help which is lovely of her, at that age it’s so hard to be apart from your baby. I can’t begin to imagine them not even being in the same hotel! Your sister sounds horrible and I can’t say I’d miss being at her wedding. I’d go and do something else ice and she can explain to the guests why you aren’t there!

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. At that early stage I was pinned to the sofa breastfeeding very frequently. I barely wanted visitors. I was emotional and on edge. I think you'll want to stay with your new baby. Suddenly your sisters unkind attitude won't be as important.

Hopefully one day your sister will look back and realise how ridiculous she was.

Having the baby hidden away upstairs with your MIL was a brilliant solution as your sister can still have her baby free day and all the limelight and you can pop upstairs and feed the baby quickly if and when needed.

Your sister is off her rocker. I can't believe she would have a problem with her own newborn niece/nephew being in the same building as her just because it's her wedding. You have offered a perfectly reasonable and manageable solution that will be far less disruptive to her big day than it you had to travel 40mins round trip to an air BnB.

You have absolutely no idea what sort of delivery you'll have or how your body will recover. Even if you're up and about immediately, there's no chance you'll want to leave your tiny newborn for even a few hours let alone overnight!! Honestly, my babies are not 13yo and 11yo and I still hate being away from them overnight!

I suspect your sister is jealous. Of course her wedding day is special, but having a baby is sooo much more special and I can understand that she might be feeling that baby will steal her thunder. But honestly, everyone at the wedding will know you've had a baby recently. Even without bringing the baby to the wedding, you're going to be talking about him/her all day because people will be asking. She is not going to come off looking very good - they will all be thinking she's a first class hitch when they learn that you weren't allowed to bring your newborn. While I'm sure you wouldn't tell them it was because she was worried baby would steal her thunder (ridiculously childish- I'm assuming your sister is a teen bride, right?!), they will work that out for themselves.

What an absolute self-centred, insecure, petty, childish girl. Honestly, I feel ashamed for her.

Also, sorry that your parents are caught in the middle. I'd be wary as your sister sounds like she could be a narcissist and situations like this can easily drive a wedge, particularly if your parents are easily manipulated by her.

I know some women go a bit tunnel vision and Bridezilla at this 'special ME ME ME time' in their lives but that is way over the top narcissism. You say you're very close to her - she doesn't sound as if she feels that's reciprocated. I mean, a wedding ISN'T all about the bridge - otherwise it'd be a solo photoshoot and nobody else would be invited! It's a celebration for family and close friends who want to wish the couple (not just the bride) well. If she can't cope with the fact that close family members have something else going on then why would she invite anyone else at all?

I would just tell her how upset you are and that absolutely nobody thinks it's ok to separate a newborn baby from its mum, that you have had a lot of heartbreak leading up to this happy birth, and that she ought to be able to feel able to embrace the new baby as part of her day and the family celebration. She sounds shallow, self-absorbed and very immature. I'd be prepared to follow through by not going at all.