MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

I don't think you will be able to leave a baby that young especially if you are breastfeeding. I think your sister is being very selfish and it is a good thing that you have withdrawn given how unreasonable she is being.

Just laughing and shocked at such a narcissistic bride. 😂
No, your baby can't attend.
No, your baby can't even be in the same hotel. 😵‍💫
Whaaaat?

I'd be dropping out of the wedding party, too.
And, obviously the whole wedding since I'd have to be with my new born baby who isn't even allowed near the venue.
Jesus Christmas, I've heard it all. 🤦‍♀️
Thankfully OP and her DH have sensibly put their soon to be newborn first.

eta Parents of the bride should not be trying to mediate. If anything should just tell bride to stop being so stupid.

Your sister is unhinged. We had a four week old newborn at our wedding and honestly I didn’t even notice.

I’m currently six months postpartum and in my experience there’s no way I would have left my baby that young. 4 weeks was peak cluster feeding so baby was attached to me like a barnacle! Let alone the emotional roller coaster. I would cry because I was overwhelmed and needed a break from the baby. My husband would offer to take baby out for a walk in the pram so I could rest. And in turn I would cry even more because my husband dared to try and give me a break from the baby…

You don’t even know yet what type of birth you will end up with. If you end up with a c section even 4-6 weeks after you be incredibly uncomfortable and sore and exhausted. You can’t spend that time away from your baby, let alone travel to a nearby hotel to feed. I think what you have suggested with MIL looking after baby upstairs is more than reasonable. I wouldn’t even be asking my sister, I would be telling her that what’s happening. I can understand baby not being in ceremony but who does it actually impact if baby is in a hotel room upstairs? No one. She’s being a self centred cow!

Feel like I’m saying much of the same thing here, but your sister is asking far too much of you. With both my babies there is just no way that I would’ve wanted to be apart from them for a few hours let alone 1/2 days, particularly when they were that young. It’s actually not great for either you or baby to be separate when they are this little, particularly if you’re breastfeeding. Some babies will refuse a bottle so if that is something that happens with your baby, you will not have any choice but to have them with you. You need to tell your sister either you’re unable to make the wedding or she allows MIL to have baby upstairs in the hotel so you can feed regularly. If she actually truly values her relationship with you and recognising the life change you’re about to go through she would be okay with you bringing the baby to the wedding! Outrageous of her to request otherwise imo.

Well if you’re breastfeeding, this is not possible. Even if you can express enough milk for 1-2 days, you’ll have to keep disappearing to express milk when you’re there so your supply stays regular. (I’m thinking back many years so I think I’m right??). So breastfeeding = baby ideally needs to be on site otherwise it’s a huge amount of faffing for you.
Even if not breastfeeding, depends on your birth, you may still be feeling knackered and sore and probably want to disappear off now and again to look after yourself. I do think it would be hard for you and baby to be apart that long at that stage.
it sounds like she doesn’t have any experience of babies and what she is saying doesn’t make much sense. Is there a proper grown up who can nudge her??

You need to consider the worst case scenario because the chances you’ll feel on top of the world post partum with a newborn who sleeps like an angel are pretty slim. Instead imagine your baby arrives late, you tear badly and it’s painful to even sit without a pillow, you’re breastfeeding and your breasts are swollen and painful so you need to keep leaving to pump milk, you’re tired because the baby has colic and has been screaming for days and you’ve had no sleep etc. There’s a reason they say the newborn stage is the 4th trimester of pregnancy - you should be with your baby as much as possible and in as stress free an environment as possible. It’s hard to imagine how difficult it can be to leave them so early on until you’re there. You’ll thank yourself later for not going.

Wow.
Your extremely close sister isn’t being very kind. Or understanding. Or helpful. Or considerate.

When I got married, my sister was almost 9 months pregnant. So we looked for bridesmaids gowns that would be flattering to everybody. And we changed our church wedding to my parents house for her.

And you know what I and just about every other bride learned?
It’s only one damn day. And contrary to what you expect, you won’t feel any different. You’ll just have spent a lot of £££ on a big party.

I now have the most beautiful and amazing niece who has kids of her own.
Good luck to you, @Elliee0810— I hope everything works out for you.
This will be trivial-ass-shite once your baby is born - that beautiful and mysterious new life you’re about to bring into this world.
I’m sending you love and light and strength and happiness from faraway ❤️

I suppose looking on the bright side, if you don't go, your Sister gets her total 'me fest' wedding day, although I am presuming she has to share the day a little bit with the Groom? and you won't be constantly stressed worrying about your tiny baby.

Your sister is a cunt.

You and your sister are not ‘’very close’, if you were she would not treat you like this. People might spend a few minutes looking at a newborn baby then that would be it, babies are really only of interest to parents and grandparents. But that aside her attitude to expecting it to be all about her is horrendous, I always feel at any wedding I attend I’m happy to celebrate an ‘absolutely stunning bride and their love which is like no other’ for a couple of hours then I’m absolutely bored stiff with it! I put on a brave face, obviously but it’s all so boring, thank God for the other guests, food, music, dancing, drinking, etc. Does your sister not realise this?

I'd sent your parents a link to this thread as they try to 'mediate'. There's nothing to mediate here. You will have a much longed-for newborn in arms. Leaving them elsewhere won't be an option for you. Your parents need to make this clear to your sister and that she's being hideous.

even if she changes her mind i wouldnt be moh its too much and you;ll have to go upstairs a fair bit

what a horrible woman

This cannot be real! If it is, your sister is a complete arsehole and you should obviously pull out. Please grow a backbone, you will need to advocate for your child over and over, so learn to do it right now.

Your sister is batshit crazy. Do not go to the wedding, your baby is more important.

Glad you have pulled out but I'm sure you are sad to miss your sisters wedding. I hope she reconsiders letting you attend as a guest with baby at the hotel. Even if she has said yes to baby I think being MoH would have been too much. If BFing at that age baby could still be eating every 2 hours for up to 30 mins at a time and you'd have needed a dress that allowed that.
Congratulations on your pregnancy wishing you all the best.

Your sister is a narcissist...you are doing the right thing. Imagine feeling so self-absorbed and insecure that you are jealous a baby IN A HOTEL ROOM would outshine you on your wedding day...diabolical!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I think your suggestion was more than reasonable. Your sister is absolutely deluded In her thinking and needs to give her head a wobble. If i were you, I would seriously consider your relationship with her going forward. She sounds like a heartless piece of work. I’m so glad you stuck up for yourself and your baby xx

At 6 weeks pp I was only just able to drive again after a c-section so depending on when baby arrives, the possibility of driving to another hotel is not feasible. At 7 weeks pp I went for a postnatal massage and was away from my baby for less than 2hrs and she was not happy about it despite being left with her dad. I've only just left her overnight for the first time - she's 2.
Thereotically, you could rock up at the ceremony without the baby, be in the ceremony as MOH and head back to the hotel after but you won't know if that's actually feasible until baby arrives.

Tbh I think your sister will completely change himer tune when baby arrives. I was young when my niece was born and had the same thoughts around limelight stealing, but I was absolutely smitten when she arrived and would have been happy to have all the attention at that point.

Your sister is horrendous. It is beyond ridiculous that any adult would expect a new mum to leave their 4-6 week old baby for a wedding for a day or two. To then not allow MIL to look after baby in a hotel room away from the function is bonkers. If I was your father, I'll be honest, I would withdraw from the wedding too. I would be ashamed to have raised a daughter that thought what your sister is doing is OK. There are bridezillas and then there is this - a whole new level. Even if DSis backed down now, I'd tell her to shove it.

I’m sorry to say your sister might be a psychopath.
Your poor parents, an even more impossible situation for them.

Your sister is an idiot, and if she ever has kids, will understand how absolutely unforgivable this is. Your baby sadly cannot be apart from you at 4-6 weeks old! Your milk isn’t even established until 12 weeks earliest. Even upstairs is unrealistic as you’ll basically spend the whole time upstairs with the baby. I’m sorry you can no longer go and I hope your parents can make her see sense. Surely your niece or nephew is PART of the day being about you! Just crazy

I have major regret from not declining a MOH position when in a difficult family situation and I would 100% say no I can’t honour this commitment if something similar happens in the future because it was just way too stressful so please look after yourself and your baby and tell your sister that unfortunately it’s not happening.

I would not have felt up for all this and the drama that comes with it 4 weeks post partum. I also know that my sister loves my baby and would never have asked this of me. Even the strictest “no children” weddings I’ve been to have made exceptions for immediate family and newborns. You’re being super flexible by offering to keep your baby in the room with your MIL - your sister can decide who is at her wedding but she can’t tell you what you can do with your hotel room. She sounds like a monster to be honest, I can’t imagine putting an acquaintance in this position let alone my own sister - it’s cruel for both mum and baby! I’d say you’ve tried to be flexible and come up with alternative arrangements but can’t make it if this doesn’t work!