MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

My DD had to have surgery when her first was around this age. The baby would be fine. They don't attach until twelve weeks. But you might find it too upsetting and my DD ended up with mastitis. The baby would have to be in the same venue. You will have to go out to pump anyway, you might as well be going up to the room to feed. Personally I'd back out. It's around six weeks when they start to wake up a bit and the tiredness kicks in.

I'd be simply telling her to find a new MOH and telling her I would not be attending the wedding. No way would I be leaving a 4-6 week old baby for anyone.

As per usual, the first answer nails it.

Yes. Tell her she can chose someone else to be MOH. Your baby is more important than anybody's wedding.

I'd be very surprised if your felt able to be separated when the time comes. Your hormones will be screaming at you to keep baby close. And it will be very problematic if you're breastfeeding. Baby may well be clusterfeeding and your supply will still be getting established. You risk messing up your supply. You could end up with mastitis too. Also you'll probably be leaking milk everywhere if you're away from baby for too long.

So this is your sister’s new baby niece or nephew??? Has she always been such a bitch??
You’d be delighted that your sister had brought her longed for and much loved new baby to your wedding! What does your Mum think of this?

I can't speak for you, but for me:

• I would absolutely not have been OK with this 4-6 weeks postpartum
• my baby would absolutely not have been OK with this 4-6 postpartum
• I would prioritise my baby over a very selfish sister's wedding

Is this normal behaviour from her? What does the groom think of these requests? Surely she can see if her guests knew that she did that they would all think she's horrible!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! What wonderful news after all your struggles.

Your sister though - she is the bridezilla to end all bridezillas. She is being totally unreasonable. Do not even think of being separated from your baby, that would be awful for you both. Plus if you’re BF your boobs will leak all over the place! Tell her now that neither you nor your DH will be attending. If you’re feeling brave show her this thread!

Your MIL sounds lovely by the way.

Your sister has some karma police coming for her in the future.

It's just not going to work, OP. You made a reasonable suggestion to have baby in the same hotel (even that is a massive compromise on your part, for a baby so young), but she refused so has made it impossible for you to attend. I'm surprised you're so close yet she is not considering your feelings, or the needs of her tiny nephew, at all. She sounds batshit tbh and I'd be distancing myself.

Best of luck for the rest of the pregnancy and arrival of your little one, don't give this drama too much thought!

No way in HELL would I be leaving my newborn baby for 1-2 days that young! Your sister is a spoilt, selfish idiot (who clearly doesn’t have children) or she would know how unreasonable she is being.
Pull out now

Just say nicely now that this just isn’t going to work and you think it’s fairer that she starts looking for another MOH now. Don’t make drama but just back out.

Personally I wouldn’t attend the wedding either but up to you whether you want to leave the door open to that.

Your sister is being a ridiculously unreasonable princess and after the wedding I would absolutely call her out on this, but before the wedding I would probably just try to back out gracefully.

Irrespective of her ridiculous attitude, there could be a variety of reasons why you simply can’t attend. Your baby could be unwell- one of my sisters was in NICU until after 6 weeks. You could be unwell. Even if she allowed the baby there I don’t think they would have had vaccinations so it would probably be unwise to take them. Plus most 4-6 week old babies are cluster feeding and/ or screaming for some reason. If she wants you there you need to have baby with you at all times, no question.

@stclementine That that happened to you does not make it "so often." In your case, I would agree that a babyzilla family member can be a pain in the backside but that does NOT mean it's common.
Also, the OP hasn't had her baby yet so she can't have form for making the child the centre of anything.

I couldn’t even have left mine upstairs with MIL at that age. Even if I’d wanted to. They couldn’t have gone the length of the ceremony without breastfeeding, even. You’ll have to tell her you can’t go. It’s both of you or neither at that age!

I wouldn't have been able to leave either of my breastfed babies at 4-6 weeks. I know you're close but your sister is being horrid and extremely self-centred about this.
I'd tell your sister you won't be attending.

Sorry I would state that unfortunately neither you nor your DH will be able to attend. She’ll need a new MOH. Sorry, but this is beyond bridezilla.

Yeah, sod that. When did weddings become such selfish occasions? It's so sad. Weddings are a time for family. If you are as close as you say then she should be so thrilled for you and making sure you can still be included in her day, even if that might now look a little different than originally planned. So what!?
I'd be saying either we bring the baby with us or we can't come. Simple as that. You've already been far more generous than you need to be with the offer of getting your MIL to babysit. Which really, if you plan to breastfeed, isn't likely to work anyway with 4-6 week old!

Normal people make exceptions for very small babies. I was ‘no kids’ for our wedding (now having had a baby I know it’s not always easy!) but even I understood that newborns aren’t the same a ‘kids’. They’re also not disruptive because they can be easily taken away if they cry and they sleep a lot.

Breast feeding (and even formula) at that age is not regular - you can’t be 20 mins away and schedule when to see baby. Until at least 6 weeks your baby will feed on demand/ cluster feed. Obviously it’s possible to be away from the baby in an emergency, it would be fine (for example if you were unwell) but it’s far from ideal and not something you will enjoy!

Please call your soon to be BIL and tell him to run for his life! Your sis is the most insecure and self absorbed person I have ever heard of. That poor man should be spared. If he sees the light there won’t be any wedding so you are off the hook!

My sympathies that your sister is so horrid!

She’s awful! I wouldn’t be attending the wedding at all.

Hmm so often what happens when someone seems that unreasonable is that the OP has been very selective in their story. My sister would have said something similar before my wedding, but the truth was that she had already made her pregnancy the centre of attention at every single event for the preceding 8 months, “overshadowing” our fathers 50th, grandparents 60th wedding anniversary, my brother being diagnosed with a life changing and life limiting illness and a beloved aunt dying. So I was not prepared to have my wedding become a side show to my sister and her baby. So I told her that it was childfree (it was) and that her baby wasn’t welcome (it wasn’t). As a result she tried to turn all our family against me (no great loss) and so my mother ans several relatives who I didn’t care about refused to attend, including my mother (result as it meant that more friends ie people I actually liked could attend and as for my mother 💁🏻). i wasn’t bothered about being centre of attention and certainly wasn’t immature or all the other insults that headed my way - it’s not selfish to want a wedding day to be about the bride and groom.
but of course I’ll be labelled selfish, immature etc etc on here.

I think you need to bow out now. At most, you could be at the ceremony and then head off to be with baby? Your sister is being totally unreasonable.

I would be questioning how close I could remain to a sister this self-centred and narcissistic.
Not going to repeat all the excellent points made by others on here but you just cannot go to this wedding and have your baby hidden away elsewhere as if s/he is something to be ashamed of. I was the least "precious" mum when mine were little and had straightforward births and easy babies but there is just no way your sister's (horrible) plan will work.
Back out now. There will be an eruption from your sister but she has brought this on herself so take cover and ride it out. I wonder what her fiance makes of her behaviour. If he has any sense, he might be rethinking the marriage plan.
What do your parents say about it?

Your baby will be fine for one night with MIL of you are ok with it. Is there an option to go the wedding and then leave early and go home? I get were your sister in coming from, a new baby will get everyone attention, new baby may cry or become unsettled. We had a no child wedding; there were no exceptions. (Mainly because it would 18 under 5’s) My cousins baby was 4 weeks old. She come the church, and for food and then left before the evening reception! If she hadn’t have come I wouldn’t have minded but sisters are different. Also your sister may mellow once baby arrives