MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

I'm sorry you're having to draw such a difficult boundary AND maybe this is a great intro into mothering: baby comes first. Baby will need you more than your sister. Your sister comes across as immature and entitled.

Sending best wishes for you and your previous family (hubby and baby!).

This is a horrendous predicament. I am truly staggered by your sister though, to be jealous of a baby upstaging her, let alone a niece or nephew… I would say the hotel room option is non negotiable. She is not thinking about your needs, you need too do what is best for you and hope that when she has a baby that she then realises and apologises.
What do your parents think? Trying to be kind and assume your sister does not have very much understanding of a newborn baby, maybe someone who’s counsel like your mum could explain the dilemma she is giving you is mean and selfish.

I would be giving apologies now as MOH. I might even give apologies for the who,e thing

expecting a mother to be away from her 4 week old baby overnight, shes atrocious in expecting that

your compromise of the baby being upstairs and you popping up is the best one if she wants you there, if she’s not prepared to accommodate then she can’t expect you there

Your comment about being close doesn’t really stand here does it?

Your sister is totally out of order. I would tell her to find another MoH. She should be happy and excited for you, yet all she can think about is herself. I am sorry OP but you are not being unreasonable, she is!

Just tell your sister that no one will be stealing your baby’s limelight as that’s all that matters to you and your husband.

Her limelight will have to be embraced by her other guests, as your focus is all about your baby from here on in.

If it's about your sister let it be about her and don't go. Instead arrange a nice dinner with her and her DH once your baby is old enough to be looked after whilst you are not there for a few hours.

Bridezilla or what!!!

When your baby comes, you will not want to be separated from her/him. The baby may not want to be separated from you. It really is far too young. Your sister, on the face of it, is being unreasonable but if your sister has not got children, she may not realise exactly what leaving a very young baby really means. I think you have to give your apologies now and say that you will not be able to attend the wedding.

Your hormones will take over when you’ve had the baby and there’s no way you’d have him/her separated from you ‘or a day or so’! The idea is laughable and the demand is ridiculous! If you’re breastfeeding then it simply won’t even be possible.

You’ll probably end up telling her to fuck off soon after birth if her nonsense carries on, so probably best to tell her now that it won’t be feasible.

Nothing wrong with childfree weddings, but at 6 weeks I couldn’t have left either of my babies for more than a couple of hours (plus I was completely exhausted all the time). Your sister is being mad.

If you are exclusively breastfeeding you won’t be comfortable being that far away from your baby or be able to easily - many people aren’t great at pumping / your baby may not want to take a bottle etc - I am not precious at all and I had a night nanny / did a little mixed feeding (mostly BF) - even so the max I left my babies for in the first three months was a few hours.

No.

Wow that is so shockingly selfish of her and puts you in (imo) an impossible position.

If breastfeeding you will need baby near by. Baby won’t get a say but IMO baby needs mum for many months most of the time although he will be ok with DH or MIL if bottle fed, if you feel able to leave him, but I very much doubt you will want to leave him for a whole day or more.

I would say to your sister that you won’t be able
to attend under those circumstances and you hope she can reconsider.

If you are not there then most guests will be sure to ask her why and if you are ok etc … taking the limelight off her lol

I was my sisters MOH when my baby was 8 weeks old and breastfed. My baby was invited to the wedding and was at the full day, my in laws were invited and they helped my husband with the kids. I didn’t bring my baby to the morning when we were getting ready- she wanted a relaxing morning without the baby crying etc. which I was happy with and I found to be a reasonable request.

I would make your apologises and say you will attend the service or some small part of the wedding but if your newborn cannot be in the same venue it’s not going to be practical to be there the whole day. Your baby is going to be very young and may struggle being away from you. If you are planing to pump I found it wasn’t as effective and would have been leaking everywhere in those early weeks if my baby wasn’t at the venue.

If she doesn’t want the baby at the wedding fair enough but demanding that your baby can’t be in a hotel room at the venue is very selfish. If the baby won’t settle with a bottle is she going to expect you to do a 40 min round trip to feed them. Also they can feed for long periods and very frequently at that stage. You could do it if you really wanted but I would set the expectation that you may not be available to be at the wedding all day.

She’s not very nice is she? Pull out of being MOH, just say you can just attend the ceremony, as you need to get home to the baby. I assume she doesn’t have children yet. She’ll change her tune when she does!

Not on your Nelly ! The ONLY way you would manage this wedding would be for DC to be on site ( and in your arms for most of the day) with a room for you to rest in for part of the day .
I woule decline to attend if this is not acceptable . Your baby trumps her wedding in your priorities .

Is your sister actually old enough to get married? Because she sounds about 12.

Absolutely not. Even if all goes well, a wedding is a long day/evening, if you are breastfeeding you will be leaking milk and needing to pump or risk mastitis. Your baby may not take a bottle and will want you. Even if bottle feeding you may struggle being apart for that long

Worst case scenario baby will arrive a couple of weeks late and you need an emergency section or stitches so may be in a degree of pain still and not really up for the whole bridesmaid dress thing.

You've offered a reasonable compromise having the baby upstairs with your MIL. If your sister doesn't want that I'd have to bow out.

Your sister is being unbelievably selfish and making herself look ridiculous - a complete bridezilla.
You cannot commit to attending and she needs to find another MOH. Your DH needs to consider whether he wants to attend.

WHAT?! Your sister doesn’t want her own nephew to “steal the limelight”? Unless this is a drip feed and you’re about to add that you’ve already bought his outfit and it’s a a white dress and veil, you aren’t in any way being unreasonable.

I cannot imagine saying such a thing to anybody, much less my own sister and much less when she was pregnant after four miscarriages.

Your sister is a spoiled bitch and I echo others saying to just call it now and say that because of her rules, you’ll have to take a rain check due to the fact that you’ll have an- at most- a six week old baby and that they, pretty famously, need their mums with them at all times.

I apologise if someone’s already asked this and you’ve answered, but where are your parents in all of this? I’ve got a sister who is the youngest and in true, cliché youngest child style she is pampered and indulged by my parents something rotten (and was quite a pain in the lead-up to her own wedding). However if she had pulled something like this about one of her newborn nieces, my parents would have told her to get a fucking hold of herself.

As I say my sister was pretty badly behaved in the run up to her wedding, but even she wouldn’t have pulled this. She’s besotted with my and our brothers kids, having a brand-new one at her wedding would have been welcomed.

Who are these awful fucking women who think that their weddings are an opportunity to be as badly behaved as they like and demand the most unreasonable things? I mean your wording says it all really… it’s “all about her”. No mention even of her intended spouse. I bet even he is hardly factoring into her thinking.

Tell Princess Tippytoes to get to fuck and enjoy the day doing something less tedious with your husband and new baby.

Your sister is a cunt….but you know that anyway

I would decline to even attend the wedding snd find something else to do that day.

My sister said hers would be a child free wedding. I pointed out my daughter would be eight months old and our entire family at the wedding and I wasn't prepared to leave her with a stranger.

she had a quick think, realised that we came as a package and did a 180 and all children were welcome. She wanted my daughter in a bridesmaid dress and thoroughly enjoyed her day.

that's being reasonable.

your sister...selfish. It is NOT HER DAY. It's a day to celebrate her and her partners commitment to each other. If, actually, the focus is to be all about her, she's just selfish.

you will not want to be apart from your child. If breastfeeding, you probably would not be ABLE to be apart. If I were you I'd stick my heels in, a package or none of us.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, after four miscarriages this is a massive thing indeed for you! Well done!

You should drop out of MOH now because there is a real chance you might not be well enough depending on what kind of delivery you have. Furthermore your baby will be so tiny they will need you, they and/or you might not be sleeping well, feeding well or upset with any number of issues that will need you nearby. You might be BF-ing every couple of hours. It’s fairer for your sister to know that now than have a last minute change.

As for the hotel room arrangements, it’s up to you. If you are there as a guest she has no right to demand such nonsense. She sounds extremely selfish and I hope that someone in your family will tell her to stop being so demanding and utterly unreasonable. You sound like a really nice person who is trying to do your best for your sister. It’s a pity she is not returning the favour.

Having a baby is just as momentous and important as getting married.

I physically couldn’t have been away from my baby at that age, especially for that long. No way. Your sister is selfish asking you to.

Totally agree with all the responses, 4-6 weeks is way too soon to be separated for more than a few hours. Especially if you're hoping to breastfeed. Also there's a chance you'll still be recovering physically and will be easily exhausted. There's a postnatal check at 6 weeks for that reason isn't there? Still assessing how mum is healing and adapting. You might be totally fine. Just impossible to plan either way.

To throw your sister a bone though, perhaps she is genuinely clueless about what having a baby entails. I had a childfree wedding (though infants were the exception) and whilst I wasn't bothered about limelight I was under the very misguided and inexperienced impression I was 'giving my friends a break' by having just adults attend. Also hoped no children would mean people stayed later and we could dance the night away like in the good ol' times. When I became a mum I was so mortified at how much I put people out finding sitters, being away from their children for two nights (we got married in a hard to get to location) and all the rest of it that I went back to people and apologised! Some people came from abroad!! Also realised loads of my friends wouldn't have left early just because their kids were there (I was under the impression all children were in bed by about 630 😂), and inviting young people can bring something really special to an event like that. Honestly I was embarrassingly naive, but I wasn't intentionally being a dick. Maybe your sister is the same.

This sister who you're supposedly so very close to has pulled this callous stunt? I don't think I would even tell her that I'm backing out and just go radio silent instead - this is her newborn niece/nephew she is casting aside FFS. When she finally realises you've dropped the rope and contacts you, I'd tell her to shove her wedding and her self-centred little life, block her and go NC. It's one of those situations that I just couldn't be polite about, sorry!