MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

Pressed the wrong vote by mistake! She’s being completely unreasonable here. Maybe she doesn’t know a lot of babies and doesn’t realise how much they need you!

this, or babies are in the midst of cluster feeding with little and often feeds, with no recognisable pattern so you're best having them close by. Nevermind the fact it's exhausting having a newborn and recovering from whatever birth you had, and you will likely need to rest during the day anyway away from the wedding party.

YoI’m won’t be able to attend if you intend to breastfeed, and may struggle to attend anyway. Babies need their mothers. Mothers of newborns need their babies. It’s hardwired for good evolutionary reasons. Your sister sounds deranged for thinking a baby will steal her attention. There isn’t a limited supply. It will look very odd if you aren’t there and this will result in negative attention, but that's not your problem. Your baby’s needs come first.

What a precious princess. Tell her you can not be her MOH, your child comes first. She is immature and cruel.

Oh dear god. This is bridezilla batshittery. A teeny tiny human is depending on you. And its not your sister. You'll need to tell her you 100% want to be there for her bit you absolutely cannot leave your baby.

See it as a blessing in disguise. Getting in a frock 4 weeks after a baby will be fun.

Your sister will probably throw a massive wobbly, but that's not your problem!

Congrats on your baby.

Don't go - your sister sounds very entitled - to be jealous of her newborn nephew - it's not like you are intending to parade him amongst all the guests during the service and reception. Don't go .

congratulations on your baby and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, with your sister of all people.

Like others have said you shouldn't have to, and, very likely, will not want to/be able to leave such a young baby for very long - breastfed or not.

If you're breastfeeding the advice is to do it on demand, if you're able to, when baby is so young. Which is especially important to help build your supply and ensure you don't get engorged, which could lead to mastitis. So even if you do go and baby isn't close by, you'd need to leave the wedding to pump or feed if you're breastfeeding. Does your sister know all of this? Saying that, it shouldn't take the fact you could get ill to make her realise what she is suggesting is so wrong. Even if you weren't breastfeeding your baby would still want/need to be close to you.

Do you know anyone who could talk to her to make her see sense? If not I'd be saying I won't be going to the wedding, and would tell her asap.

I honestly can't believe how selfish your sister is being.

At that age and breastfeeding - you /any mother needs to be where the baby is.

Does your DSis actually realise this? Does she have any friends with DC and can tell her this? How about your mum explaining this to her?

If she is still entrenched then you will have to bow out. Just go to the wedding
She sounds utterly selfish and awful BTW

Regardless of the practicality, i don’t think I’d ever forgive being told my family member would resent me or my baby. Of course her wedding is a special day, but your baby should also be special to her and having him there - especially after all your losses - should be source of joy.

All the weddings I've been to with babies and children, as soon as one was crying or making noise, the parents would leave the ceremony for a few minutes until the child was calm so everyone could hear. Can't understand why that didn't happen for you, but frankly, normally people are more considerate than that.

I have to assume that your sister doesn’t have children and therefore doesn’t understand that what she’s asking is not just unreasonable, but actually not even really possible.

If you’re breastfeeding, you’re advised not to pump before 6 weeks and so what are you supposed to do when the baby’s hungry? Go driving for 40 minutes, feed, then drive 40 minutes back to venue, only to have to turn around and drive straight back because your baby will be hungry again by then?

If you end up having a C-section, you might not even be able to drive yet by that point, so that’d be your DH also joining that farce to ferry you back and forth.

Even if you’re bottle feeding, emotionally you’re highly unlikely to be able to handle that physical distance from your baby. Intrusive thoughts are real and while there might not be a baby stealing your sister’s thunder, the MOH who keeps crying because she’s just had an uncontrollable vision of the hotel the baby’s staying in exploding might draw some attention (the first time I went out without my baby for a 20 minute walk around the block, I was absolutely convinced that my house was going to burn down while I was out and that my husband would forget to rescue the baby - I was in tears by the time I got home even though I could see the house was fine).

I think you might need to show your sister this thread so she can start to understand what she’s really asking of you.

Baby’s presence can be disruptive and I guess she’s envisioning load of people nipping out of her event to go upstairs and have a look at the baby

I think you need to give her an ultimatum
you ether don’t go or
baby stays upstairs but reassure her you won’t be letting people upstairs to see the baby

OP your sister is being totally and ridiculously unreasonable. Tell her firmly that you will not be attending her wedding as she is putting ridiculous conditions on your attendance. It is all on her. Your newborn is your absolute priority and non-negotiable. I hope this is just a bridezilla phase and that she is not always so self-centred.

Having been at a wedding ceremony that was ruined by a crying baby (the bride asked me afterwards if I had been able to hear the vows etc and I had to be honest and say no I couldn't) I can understand why your sister wouldn't want the baby at the ceremony but not in the hotel at all? Yeah that's a special level of diva bridezilla right there. Did you have a good relationship with her before all this started? Is there any chance that she's just gotten carried away and needs someone to give her head a wobble for her?

Her reaction is bizarre, why would she feel her newborn niece or nephew would be stealing the limelight they literally eat and sleep all day.
I wouldn't have even asked if she'd be ok with mil being upstairs with the baby tbh I'd just have assumed that as your sister she'd want everyone to be comfortable, especially one month post partum!
id tell her now since it's plenty of notice, that you've had time to consider what she said and if she isn't willing to allow mil to be upstairs with baby then it isn't going to work for you and she'll need to appoint someone else as MOH.
it sounds a bit like the wedding has gone to her head and one day she'll see what a twat she's been.

Feeding's way too unpredictable at that age for the baby to be based 20 mins away for the day. If they're feeding every 1h30 then you might well be looking at:

• 30 mins: feed baby
• 20 mins: travel back to wedding
• 20 mins: spend time at wedding
• 20 mins: travel back to baby

Can another family member (e.g. mum) talk some sense into her? Otherwise it's sad she's so nutty but you're absolutely not unreasonable to decline.

My advice is to do nothing with regards to negotiation with your sister now. Weddings are stressful (I found the entire thing awful and would have another wedding if you paid me!!) and you don't want this to get into an argument which will impact your health. I'd agree with your husband now that you don't feel like you'll be able to be away from the baby but to have MIL blocked out to help. Then when baby has arrived I would just tell sister you aren't feeling up to a wedding! Say you may be able to come for a short period and stay in the room you've already paid for with the baby but you just aren't up to it. I repeat do not say you aren't going now, it sounds like your sister has become so stressed she has no rational thought!

Sorry but there is no way I would be away from my tiny newborn at that stage. No chance for a 4-6 week old breastfed baby to be away from mum for more than 2h at a time. Your sister is being an arse and I wouldn't go to the wedding. At that stage, mum and baby are a dyad and not to be separated for someone else's benefit. I'm furious for you.

Realistically, you can't attend the wedding if you're breastfeeding.
You could attend the ceremony, if it's a reasonable distance to travel to.

I'm not sure I'd make the effort for someone so self centered they think a 6 weeks old baby (potentially younger if baby is late), will "steal her day". I'm sorry but she's an idiot.

[Edit to say, I had my own weeding when my 2nd was 8 weeks old. By that time she was accepting the bottle to be fine a few hours, but I still had to pump every 2-3h and it was a massive pain. You don't actually know if your baby will accept the bottle, and in don't think mine would have taken it at 4-6 weeks.]

4-6 weeks is an exhausting time. No way would I have wanted to attend a whole day event let alone be moh. Back out now. Go to the ceremony and leave baby with dh. Then go home. Hormones are crazy things and being apart from a newborn is difficult.

I was moh for my sisters wedding at a similar time postpartum. It never crossed her mind or mine not to bring the baby with me, he was with me at all times. Just tell her that is completely ridiculous and as the baby can’t be with you, you can’t go to the wedding.

Bin off the wedding, both you and your DH. Your sister is being ridiculously unreasonable not letting baby be upstairs.
If it’s your first you will absolutely not want to be away for 1/2 days. I’d have struggled with half a day at that point with either of mine.
I don’t want to scare you but you may end up having an emergency caesarean and not want to be up and dancing away anyway, will she be annoyed at you not ‘fulfilling your duties’ at that point?
Attend for the ceremony maybe and then I’d be leaving.
I hope baby has nicer aunties 😂

You won’t want to be away from your baby. You’ll probably still have lochia and leaking breasts. That’s even before you consider the maternal need to be with your baby at that stage.
Gently tell your sister you’re dropping out, she’ll fall out with you but she is being a thoughtless arsewipe.

Woah. Can’t believe what I’ve just read.
Your brain, body and hormones combined won’t let you be away from your baby for that long at that age. Absolutely not. The first time I left my children, they were about 3-4 months and it was for 2 hours. Each to their own. But, be absolutely prepared that not one part of you will want to part with your baby.

How insecure does someone have to be that they’re worried their niece/nephew will steal the limelight in a hotel room floors above the wedding. She’ll resent you both?! My goodness. That’s awful behaviour. You could tell her the baby won’t enter the wedding party. If people beg you when they realise baby is upstairs, just say sorry no it’s not had its jabs yet (even if it has!) and baby won’t be coming down. I found it thoroughly upsetting for you though that this is even a thing!

Something like - “I’m so sorry, I must be prepared for the fact that I won’t be able to leave a 4 week old baby for a whole day. We must prepare for this eventuality now, this could be due to breastfeeding, bottle refusal, and myself just not feeling ready to be away for that long yet. Please allow baby to be upstairs in hotel with MIL. It won’t enter the wedding party under any circumstances. If this compromise can’t be met, we must plan for the probable outcome that I won’t be able to come”

What do the others in your family think? Your parents? Just so you know, any one is crackers to agree with her.